My husband hit me

I have had to flee before it is a very scary time n can be very dangerous. This is the time when many get injured or killed if the abuser catches them. That is why if at all possible, you need to leave when the abuser cannot see you - but if the abuse ever gets critical, leave immediately. For this reason you should put the "go bag" in a place that is easy access for you while still a place he will not find. That way you are ready to go at any point.

If, for some reason you need to leave something behind - the cops can escort you in later to retrieve it.

Also - do not take this out on yourself. Abusers depend on you becoming self loathing to continue abuse. They beat you down over such a long period of time you don't even realize what is happening.

Here read up on it a bit here Cycle of Violence - Shelter for Help in Emergency

If you tell his parents, or anyone he knew before you were together, they will band together with him and try to bully you into submission. They will "support" and "comfort" him by assuring him that he's married to a crazy wife, and how dare she say all those horrible things about him? You'll be scolded and lectured about forgiveness, for not giving him chance after chance after chance to keep abusing you.

Try to stop being angry at yourself and put the anger where it belongs....on the abuser.

It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship, and it's important not to underestimate the difficulty. There's the fairy tale hope that it will never happen again and that the intimacy you share is real. It can be hard to give up that hope... even if everyone else says it is hopeless because we all want to believe that our relationship is special.

I was in several abusive relationships unfortunately, but not all of them were. it is good you are in therapy. I also reiterate what NP Complete said that the most dangerous time in a relationship is when the victim leaves or tries to, so don't give him warning, when you do leave.

I was so conflicted all of the time. i think a big part was that I was also abused as a child. It's one thing to get out of such a relationship, which is already tough, and it's another not to repeat it again.

Do you have other social support. If not start building it. It will be a great benefit to you when the time comes.

I wish I knew then what I understand much better now. I was by and large not looking for the right kind of qualities in a man that would be conducive to a long term mutually supportive relationship.

As hard as it may be now is the time to focus on you, not on him.

Yes, ive realised that it wouldn't really achieve anything!
It's quite easy for me to get away, as he works nightshifts, so that's a whole twelve hours I have. I've got everything set up and in place, just need to wait until he's on shift next week and I'm out.

Please be careful and look after your own safety

Good luck and be safe! Remember - no matter what your mind may tell you at times:

You are good.
You are strong.
This is the right thing to do.

❤

[QUOTE=Englishandproud1986;5914535]I'm lying here feeling utterly and completely useless and I'm so confused on what to do.
I married my husband a few months ago. Everything was fine, other than the normal couple arguments over stupid things.

Get out NOW. My first husband began with just yelling & punching walls. In the last 3 years of our marriage, he hit me, threw me against the wall, put guns to my head, etc. You are in danger. It is hard to leave, I know. My husband would find me wherever I hid & threatened to kill anyone who was helping me. I finally got help from the police. PLEASE do call the police! Make a report. Get a stay-away order. This will Not improve. It is NOT your fault.

I have now been married for over 30 years to a GREAT guy who has never shown one iota of violence. Being hit is Not part of being married!!!

I would appreciate if you let us know when you get away safe.

Are you OK?

I hope your alright. I grew up watching my own Mother get abused. It's devastating. Your going to need to decide what your going to do about that coward your with.
Your Husband ( Or whatever he is) is being manipulative to suit his own needs. He can be alright on his own. Anyone can. I'm living proof of that.
Him putting his hands on you is NEVER acceptable & HE will need domestic violence counseling. No two ways around it. And you will need counseling.
Just not together I feel.
With that said.
Here is a link

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/cri...hoC0vUQAvD_BwE

Please update us of what has happened and what is your plan to exit your marriage ?

Hi, just to update, I am now living apart from him.
Since this has happened, I have been having regular counselling and it's become apparent that he has some kind of mental illness. It's not until I started to explain his behaviour over the years to a professional that i have realised this to be true! Despite living apart, it is still really hard, because he is refusing a divorce, I guess so that I am tied to him. I knew deep down that he would refuse it! So I feel beaten down and tied to him. My counsellor has been helping me with this, explaining that you can get out of any situation you are in, unless you commit a serious crime, then you can't! But, I am seeing so much help, that there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel here. I'm going through so many emotions, mostly aimed at myself for not realising about him sooner. But the first step was moving out for my safety. It's going to take a long time because I am in a lot of denial over his behaviour still, my counsellor said it's deeply affected me because I don't really show any emotion when I explain what he has done to me. I'm still in the mindset of 'oh it wasn't that bad' which I see is crazy. But I can't stop thinking that way. I understand that this is because of his tactics of abusive behaviour. He's made me feel that I can't live without him because hes so wonderful and I am still in the stage of feeling this way about him.
This is the biggest lesson I have ever had to learn. Especially if he refuses the divorce, it's going to bankrupt me financially and also it could take seven years for it all to end. Of course he is running on the charm and his parents and everyone still thinks that the sun shines out of his *****. Which makes me hurt even more because to me, it's like they can't see his bad side. But my counsellor said that they definitely do see it, they just live in dear to not rock the boat with him. Which makes me even madder, because I feel let down by them too. It's a bad situation, but I am not dying. I'm still breathing, I am alive, just have to make the best of it and get through this now! I am dreading Xmas, but I have to keep telling myself that if I was spending it with him, he would probably get drunk and attack me. Anything is better then that.
If anyone has any advice on how to get through this, please advise. You have all been amazing so far! Thank you.

My advice is to speak to a lawyer to know what your rights are and to protect yourself financially. I would be very surprised if your husband can actually prevent you from getting a divorce.

What sort (if any) of mental health treatment is your husband getting?

He isn't getting any, he is in complete denial that anything is wrong! He is saying it's me, I'm crazy and I've made it all up! He is narcissistic so he would never have any flaws, in his eyes! There's no helping him!
Yes, I am going to get some legal advice asap!

I wouldn't waste any time thinking that his mental health issues are the cause of his abusiveness. He's abusive and he has mental health issues. They are separate issues.

Don't worry about him. He will be fine. It sounds like he has family. Worry about yourself and keeping yourself away from him. It might be a good idea to block him on social media and change your phone number, if you haven't done that already. You will be tempted to think he is going to change and want to go back to him. Do whatever it takes to avoid that.

He can "delay" the divorce - it's a different amount of time in different areas and sometimes extra steps have to be taken if he refuses - but you can still get divorced. He is just trying to wear you down n keep control that way.

As to your own emotions - you have a long road ahead of you. Grief is hard anyway, but when you are leaving an abusive relationship its complicated by the fact that you have been made to believe you cannot live without your abuser n that the problems between the two of you were all your fault, not his. Leaves you a huge amount of guilt - as well as confusion. Only way out of it is to regain self esteem, self respect, and self love. Doing those things is a lot harder than saying them though, so give yourself time. Give yourself credit - you left. That's huge! Celebrate the fact you have gained enough of "yourself" back to be able to take back that much control of your life - your safety. Everytime you make another step in the path of getting your life set back up on track again, take a moment to give yourself credit. Take a few moments to celebrate it. Be good to yourself. Kindness goes a long way in learning self love. ❤

Thank you for all your responses again! I guess it's just going to take baby steps. But I will get to where I want to be eventually. it's hard when you've been sold a dream that doesn't actually exist. In my mind I still want that dream and I am fighting hard to admit to myself it was all fake.

That's exactly what it is n how it will be for awhile. Just be gentle with yourself. It took awhile for your abuser to get you to the mental place you were in, it will take awhile to completely break free from it. ❤

Hi.
I really understand what you mean by that you still want that dream and you are fighting hard to admit it was all a fake. Lots of hugs 🤗,
I am struggling with very similar feelings that it was all a lie and I was manipulated into believing something that was not true and not real.
Baby steps are very important and be kind to yourself and love ❤️ yourself and give yourself time to heal. You need to practice extreme self care.
The way I think now is that I have to put myself first, Me, Myself and I.
We, as woman always taking care of others, and we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves.
Take good care of yourself and develop positive self talk and appreciate and give yourself credit that you have left and chosen a different journey to leads to self empowerment and happiness.
You are strong!
You are supported and loved!❤️

I wish you well in your journey to healing as well, healing_heart. I hope you are n will continue to take your own advice. It is good advice.

*hugs*

I stayed for 31 years; we can only do what we can do...when we are ready to do it. Be kind to yourself; stay in counseling; you have been brainwashed, and it will take time to get those lies he told you about yourself (blame and shame) out of your head. I don't know how he can stop you from getting a divorce; still trying to manipulate you. Stay strong and maybe keep a journal on this journey you are on; years from now, you will realize how far you have come. xo

P.S. Your dream wasn't a fake, but HE was.

It time to leave him. I lost a coworker to domestic violence. I would get evidence of the abuse and filed charges against this guy. He doesn't love you if he hit you once and hit you again for the second time it will happen the third and fourth time and by the tenth time you are broken. Call a local shelter for domestic violence and go there. Call the police and let them know what had happen and that you want to go to a shelter.