[Caspy]

Hey there..
So things happened and I kinda need some support/advice..

I told my school counselor about how my step father would touch me inappropriately from time to time when I was younger. He called CPS and he was removed from my home Wednesday night.

However, CPS wrongfully said that I had 3 planned suicide attempts- But they got it wrong. I said those are 3 plans I would *never* want to do. That those are the worst ideas. Anyways, I was sent to a counselor who recommended I get further evaluation at a mental hospital because apparently my mother is afraid that I may hurt myself or someone else (like my baby brother). And that is just..
I can't believe she would think that. It's never crossed my mind to hurt someone. Never wanted to. Never will. But she told me something in me can "snap" one day and I could.

I asked mom if she believed me. She said "I don't know what to believe anymore honestly."
She said that if I hated them that much then I could have just moved out at the end of the year. I just had 6 months and I could get away from them.
Then she said that now my brother doesn't have a father figure and that I should know how that feels.
I said that if I'm right then isn't it good I said something? Would she be willing to risk having him grow up with someone who did what he did?
She said "I don't know what I'm willing to do anymore."

I admit, I was questioning myself if it actually happened. But after what my mother said? I feel so much anger and now I *know* it happened. And I can't believe she doesn't trust me. She thinks that I could be imagining it because I remember conversations with her that she doesn't remember.

I'm just so scared honestly. What do I do?
My friend is asking her parents if I can move in with them because I'm honestly uncomfortable around my mother as long as she thinks like this.
She doesn't want other people to know about this because it's "embarrassing".

I don't want to do this. I needed her support and belief and I'm not getting it. I think I'm going to testify against my step father as well and I really don't want to do it.
I want out of this house.
Any advice? I feel so alone right now..

[ACrystalGem]

No advice, I'm afraid. I just wanted to say that you're being very brave and are doing a good thing. I'm sorry your mother has taken this stance - it's easy to deny something like this, rather than painfully look at it head on. Victim blaming is also something people will try to use on you.

There's a line from Prince of Tides:
There are no secrets in my family; just denial.

I wish you the best in what you're doing. You are so strong.

[mimsies]

Thank you for sharing. Hang in there. You totally did the right thing. Your mom is in the wrong.

[TrailRunner14]

You are very brave! Sometimes being brave is scary. Well really, being brave always scares me.

What I’ve experienced though, is every time I had to be brave, it made a difference for my good.

People don’t always agree and some have gotten mad at me too, but I wouldn’t go back and change anything.

I pray for courage for you and direction.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Caspy

Hey there..
So things happened and I kinda need some support/advice..

I told my school counselor about how my step father would touch me inappropriately from time to time when I was younger. He called CPS and he was removed from my home Wednesday night.

However, CPS wrongfully said that I had 3 planned suicide attempts- But they got it wrong. I said those are 3 plans I would *never* want to do. That those are the worst ideas. Anyways, I was sent to a counselor who recommended I get further evaluation at a mental hospital because apparently my mother is afraid that I may hurt myself or someone else (like my baby brother). And that is just..
I can't believe she would think that. It's never crossed my mind to hurt someone. Never wanted to. Never will. But she told me something in me can "snap" one day and I could.

I asked mom if she believed me. She said "I don't know what to believe anymore honestly."
She said that if I hated them that much then I could have just moved out at the end of the year. I just had 6 months and I could get away from them.
Then she said that now my brother doesn't have a father figure and that I should know how that feels.
I said that if I'm right then isn't it good I said something? Would she be willing to risk having him grow up with someone who did what he did?
She said "I don't know what I'm willing to do anymore."

I admit, I was questioning myself if it actually happened. But after what my mother said? I feel so much anger and now I *know* it happened. And I can't believe she doesn't trust me. She thinks that I could be imagining it because I remember conversations with her that she doesn't remember.

I'm just so scared honestly. What do I do?
My friend is asking her parents if I can move in with them because I'm honestly uncomfortable around my mother as long as she thinks like this.
She doesn't want other people to know about this because it's "embarrassing".

I don't want to do this. I needed her support and belief and I'm not getting it. I think I'm going to testify against my step father as well and I really don't want to do it.
I want out of this house.
Any advice? I feel so alone right now..

I think she known about the abuse and doesn't want to leave her husband out of fear of be lonely. She embarrassed to admitted the she had allowed someone to hurt her kids. Your not in the wrong for informing them of this. But CPS depending on what state you are in had been known to tell lies people didn't do or didn't say for their own advantage. I think you should moved out of the home somewhere else. Here the thing if they can't find any evidence doesn't mean it didn't happen but it can mean that this person is innocent so she should took everything of salt and keep an eye on him. You have your friend belief and support. Try to talking the counselor again explained that there was a misunderstanding and this what you said. Talk to a teacher.

[Buffy01]

This is the best thing you could have done for yourself and your brother. Ask if anyone hire a lawyer who can help you fight against the false allegation made against you. Ask if you can take a lie detector test to prove that not what you said. You are brave for telling someone about what had happen to you. If it anyone fault it is your mother because she could have walk at anytime she could have called the police at anytime she could have taking both you and your sibling to the doctor at anytime. It sound like she want to play the victim and gain sympathy from other because of her embarrassment. I would feel sorry for her because she is that blind that she chose her husband over her kids. What kind of mother does that?

[CalamityJane425]

Originally Posted by Caspy

Hey there..
So things happened and I kinda need some support/advice..

I told my school counselor about how my step father would touch me inappropriately from time to time when I was younger. He called CPS and he was removed from my home Wednesday night.

However, CPS wrongfully said that I had 3 planned suicide attempts- But they got it wrong. I said those are 3 plans I would *never* want to do. That those are the worst ideas. Anyways, I was sent to a counselor who recommended I get further evaluation at a mental hospital because apparently my mother is afraid that I may hurt myself or someone else (like my baby brother). And that is just..
I can't believe she would think that. It's never crossed my mind to hurt someone. Never wanted to. Never will. But she told me something in me can "snap" one day and I could.

I asked mom if she believed me. She said "I don't know what to believe anymore honestly."
She said that if I hated them that much then I could have just moved out at the end of the year. I just had 6 months and I could get away from them.
Then she said that now my brother doesn't have a father figure and that I should know how that feels.
I said that if I'm right then isn't it good I said something? Would she be willing to risk having him grow up with someone who did what he did?
She said "I don't know what I'm willing to do anymore."

I admit, I was questioning myself if it actually happened. But after what my mother said? I feel so much anger and now I *know* it happened. And I can't believe she doesn't trust me. She thinks that I could be imagining it because I remember conversations with her that she doesn't remember.

I'm just so scared honestly. What do I do?
My friend is asking her parents if I can move in with them because I'm honestly uncomfortable around my mother as long as she thinks like this.
She doesn't want other people to know about this because it's "embarrassing".

I don't want to do this. I needed her support and belief and I'm not getting it. I think I'm going to testify against my step father as well and I really don't want to do it.
I want out of this house.
Any advice? I feel so alone right now..

Hi,
First of all let me say that you have tremendous courage! I'm very proud of you.
Basically I would encourage you to testify against your stepfather. It is scary I know, I once had to do the same thing as a child in court.
I would encourage you to seek counseling & move in with your friend.
If your Mother is not behind you & is so flaky you don't need to be in that kind of environment.
None of this is your fault! Your stepfather is a sick man & he should be held accountable.
I wish you well.
I'm sorry this has happened to you.

[Open Eyes]

What you are learning about your mother is the reason you never said anything to begin with. Often when it comes to finally telling the truth, you learn that the people you should not tell are often the very dysfunctional people that you could not talk to about this to begin with.

As far as taking what you had said about thoughts of taking your own life so seriously, even though you would not really do that, these conversations always have to be taken seriously to make sure the individual is not in danger of acting on these ideas.

As far as your mother trying to blame "you" if this causes HER plans about her life to change because of how your step father was with you? She is wrong to blame you, this is HIS doing and she needs to see the TRUTH about him, even if she doesn't want to see that truth. The TRUTH can be hard, yet, it's important to face the truth even though it can be hard to accept.

HOWEVER, we have actually been learning a lot by all the things that have been coming out when it comes to individuals who abused and how that is received once something does come out.

Often one of the things that happens is "shock" and discomfort from family or individuals who might have been close with the abuser who never saw this side of them. Another thing that is expressed as in the case of Bill Cosby's wife and even his children is "denial" and this is false because my father/ husband could never do that. Even Katie Couric has not been able to comment other than how this is "shocking". And it's very possible that she NEVER saw this side of this man she THOUGHT she knew and worked next to for several years and considered a safe good friend.

So, what we are seeing in a very public way right now is showing just how much people genuinely struggle to accept a reality and are looking to find a way to deny and embrace the person they thought they knew and could trust.

We are at a point where we have to address what actually constitutes abuse or inappropriate behaviors too. We are facing this as a society right now and while it's popped up before, it always seemed to be a big GRAY area, kind of like yeah, yeah it's bad but we know a lot of people do it scenario. We really need to sit and consider the culture that pushes the lines to a point where things are viewed as acceptable even when they really should not be. How there really had been that hot group, that cool group of guys that were known as the "rat pack". These guys that have two different sides to them really is not NEW. The original movie "Ocean's eleven" pretty much got them all together, ironically the later remake was pretty much the same, they were the current bad boy rat pack. Truth is, people LIKE to pretend this doesn't really exist but IT HAS and for a long time too.

It's time to have that BIG discussion and finally define the lines better.

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Caspy

Hey there..
So things happened and I kinda need some support/advice..

I told my school counselor about how my step father would touch me inappropriately from time to time when I was younger. He called CPS and he was removed from my home Wednesday night.

However, CPS wrongfully said that I had 3 planned suicide attempts- But they got it wrong. I said those are 3 plans I would *never* want to do. That those are the worst ideas. Anyways, I was sent to a counselor who recommended I get further evaluation at a mental hospital because apparently my mother is afraid that I may hurt myself or someone else (like my baby brother). And that is just..
I can't believe she would think that. It's never crossed my mind to hurt someone. Never wanted to. Never will. But she told me something in me can "snap" one day and I could.

I asked mom if she believed me. She said "I don't know what to believe anymore honestly."
She said that if I hated them that much then I could have just moved out at the end of the year. I just had 6 months and I could get away from them.
Then she said that now my brother doesn't have a father figure and that I should know how that feels.
I said that if I'm right then isn't it good I said something? Would she be willing to risk having him grow up with someone who did what he did?
She said "I don't know what I'm willing to do anymore."

I admit, I was questioning myself if it actually happened. But after what my mother said? I feel so much anger and now I *know* it happened. And I can't believe she doesn't trust me. She thinks that I could be imagining it because I remember conversations with her that she doesn't remember.

I'm just so scared honestly. What do I do?
My friend is asking her parents if I can move in with them because I'm honestly uncomfortable around my mother as long as she thinks like this.
She doesn't want other people to know about this because it's "embarrassing".

I don't want to do this. I needed her support and belief and I'm not getting it. I think I'm going to testify against my step father as well and I really don't want to do it.
I want out of this house.
Any advice? I feel so alone right now..

Honestly, I wish I could articulate my thoughts about what's happening to you but they're all over the place because I know what it's like for a parent to not do anything when they find out you've been sexually abused. I'm really sorry your mother is denying everything. It doesn't reflect on you. It reflects on her. Sometimes parents deny childhood sexual abuse because they think they failed as a parent. It's all about them (which is a selfish view, in my opinion).

I'm really glad you spoke up about your abuse to someone you trusted. You deserve justice. I know it's so easy for me to say, "Testify against that dirty excuse for a human being" but it must be so much more complicated than that.

You definitely need a safe space right now. I hope you can chill at your friend's place.

I wish you the very best. If you're comfortable doing so, update us time to time, just so we know you're okay. If you're not comfortable, that's completely cool, too. You have my support.