[Carnival Doll]

this is a thought that has been weighing on my mind as of late. i hesitate to call myself a "survivor", because nothing my abusers ever did to me was enough to possibly kill me. somehow, i wish it was worse and i deserved worse.

[PsychoPhil]

My brother and me were "just" caned, I can't count how many times I was slapped in the face, my mom told me I must have been confused in hospital as she was always pretty, intelligent and good at sports, when I was all the opposite. Just like in your case, we were never beaten close to death, we "only" had bruises all over our behinds.

And still, my brother hanged himself when I survived. Most children are robust and adapt to abusive environments, or should I say, maladapt, as many of my current issues are linked to the abuse I suffered.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Carnival Doll

this is a thought that has been weighing on my mind as of late. i hesitate to call myself a "survivor", because nothing my abusers ever did to me was enough to possibly kill me. somehow, i wish it was worse and i deserved worse.

I feel this way too. I told my therapist this the other day. She was trying to tell me how strong I was for surviving. I said "I survived because they didn't choose to kill me." That seems obvious to me.

[BLUEDOVE]

This may sound silly but I assure you it's true: your wishing you
had more pain etc.,leads me to believe you may be addicted to
unhappiness (not on conscious level,but the UNconscious is doing the dirty on us.) Please try and get this book:"Addicted To
Unhappiness", you will learn much,and stop blaming dear self.

[dlantern]

I am sorry for the pain...