[Carnival Doll]

are these things from a caretaker abuse? one of my friends' caretakers' behavior is kind of concerning. these are a few examples of things i've heard he's done and i'd like to hear your opinion:

- hitting her (in the head with a brush, hitting on the arm, slapping in the face and hitting with a belt)
- sometimes he wakes her up by screaming and cursing for sleeping in
- when she was young and sitting on his lap he would casually put his hands up her shorts. no touching "there" but it still kind of set off a red flag
- getting upset when she didnt want to kiss him on the lips

sorry if i am overreacting but i just want to look out for her.

[starfruit504]

Every example sounds like abusive behavior. Your instincts are excellent and you should honor them.

It's never acceptable to hit anyone for any reason.

Touching her where and when she didn't want to be touched is abusive behavior. It doesn't matter what his hand touched.

Getting upset when she wouldn't kiss him on the mouth is more evidence of inappropriate behavior, inappropriate expectations, poor boundaries, and emotional manipulation -- he was attempting to guilt her into letting him do something sexually inappropriate.

Predators like this, they benefit from us thinking "Well it's not sexual, he didn't touch her there" or "It's not sexual, I didn't see him get sexual satisfaction from it." But it's all wrong. It's all abuse. Police and family services would agree.

[nicoleflynn]

He needs to be reported, and he needs to be gone immediately.

[Monkey1111]

Yes, definitely. He's hitting her (which is assault) and verbally abusing her. The groping was definitely sexual in nature, and despite the fact that he didn't actually touch "there" he was clearly considering it, and apparently he has coerced her into kissing him when she doesn't want to. This is coercion. He could be reported to the police for this behavior and should be.

[Carnival Doll]

thank you for your replies. i have another question: is it still sexual (the kissing and touching) if its from someone blood related? like a dad...sorry if this is a bad question

[HPOne]

Hi Carnival Doll.

I urge you to sit back, and read your posts. Do you think that everything you have written is acceptable behaviour?

The answer is No.

You then ask if it is acceptable if it is there father. The answer is still No.

There is an element of family affection allowed but there is a line and it should never e crossed.

Report them immediately.

[seesaw]

Yes. It's sexual abuse.

[Carnival Doll]

thank you all. i will tell someone and do my best to get her help. sorry if some of these things were obvious. i'm kind of used to these behaviors and wasnt sure if they were truly abusive. and i also thought it was excusable since it was for punishment (the hitting.)

[starfruit504]

Yes, it's still abuse and it's still inappropriate coming from a father. Something you have to ask yourself is, "Would my dad do this? Do other dads do this?" And the answer is most certainly, No. Only criminally abusive fathers do this.

Originally Posted by Carnival Doll

sorry if some of these things were obvious.

Don't be sorry. It's not easy to see abuse when you're in the middle of it. We don't want to believe these things are happening in front of our eyes because they are never supposed to happen.

You did the right thing and you're a great friend/confidant. A lot of us on this forum needed someone like you in our lives. You didn't bury your head in the sand. You didn't dismiss your friend. You followed your gut, did some sleuthing, reached out to us, and made a decision to do something about this. You. Did. Everything. Right. Thank you for being excellent.

If you're looking for the right person to turn to, you should talk to your parents about this or a school counselor (I'm assuming y'all are still in school).

[Carnival Doll]

Originally Posted by starfruit504

Yes, it's still abuse and it's still inappropriate coming from a father. Something you have to ask yourself is, "Would my dad do this? Do other dads do this?" And the answer is most certainly, No. Only criminally abusive fathers do this.


Don't be sorry. It's not easy to see abuse when you're in the middle of it. We don't want to believe these things are happening in front of our eyes because they are never supposed to happen.

You did the right thing and you're a great friend/confidant. A lot of us on this forum needed someone like you in our lives. You didn't bury your head in the sand. You didn't dismiss your friend. You followed your gut, did some sleuthing, reached out to us, and made a decision to do something about this. You. Did. Everything. Right. Thank you for being excellent.

If you're looking for the right person to turn to, you should talk to your parents about this or a school counselor (I'm assuming y'all are still in school).

thank you, i am so relieved i did the right thing. we share similar trauma...i really want to help her. i'll talk to someone.

[Seqoya]

It's already been said by more than one person and you said that you were going to say something. But since I read this just now. I decided to offer my two cents worth. Yes it is abusive.

Also it makes me wonder what else if anything could possibly be going on or what could possibly happen in the future that may be even worse. It's not a good idea to let it continue also it would be wrong to wait for it to get worse.

[Seqoya]

[QUOTE=Seqoya;5974999]It's already been said by more than one person and you said that you were going to say something. But since I read this just now. I decided to offer my two cents worth. Yes it is abusive.

Also it makes me wonder what else if anything could possibly be going on or what could possibly happen in the future that may be even worse. It's not a good idea to let it continue also it would be wrong to wait for it to get worse.[/QUOTE

I don't know where you or your friend lives but there are phone numbers you can call to report child abuse. I'm assuming your friend is under 18. Some States in the United States have a 1 -800 child abuse reporting number you can call especially if you're calling in the evening or on a weekend.

You can also look up the local Child Protective Services number or whatever the local Child Welfare Agency is called in your area such as Child and Family Services. If that doesn't help you can try calling the local police department.

Sometimes it takes one phone call, but sometimes it takes more than one. Remember you are doing the right thing. Also encourage your friend to speak up. Because your friend might tell the police or social workers that everything is fine. But even if your friend does that, don't let that stop you because you know the truth.

You could also try talking to a school counselor if you haven't already done so.