[animallover7]

This sounds crazy but I genuinely believed this was a dream for such a long time!? I only really realised it was real a few years ago. At 11 I would stay at my.cousins house, he would take me to.his room to play games / movies etc. We were close and just got on well regardless of age, yet now I think about it maybe the friendship was fake to get to me like this.. I wasnt raped but he told me to do stuff to him it was a game as every sick abuser woild say, he would tell me (disgusting to say) suck it like a lolly I even remember him trying to get me into a rhythm. Its vile to.think now I found it as normal. It happened ona few occassions but I dont recall him ever touching me. I hate the sight of him.now and tbh, I dont think ive ever dealt with it.. I didnt go througj depression, self harm. Anything like that, so im worried negatively it hasnt affected me unless I think about it. All ive dealt with is GAD and an eating disorder a few years ago.

Can someone tell me im not vile to not get affected so horrifically by it. I just hope it doesnt hit me later on, (im 24 now) Ive only told a few people but not my parents and it hurts me to think I never could as it would tear our family apart and my dad would end up in jail for killing him practically.

Do I just leave it?! What do I do

[Wild Coyote]

Welcome to PC!

I see this is your first post and I'd like to welcome you.

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
This is a large site. Several forums may be of interest to you.
Please make yourself at home. Jump in wherever you feel led to do so.

After 5 approved posts, you will have access to the chatrooms and to the Private Messaging (PM) system.

I hope to see you around the forums!



WC

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you've been abused by your cousin.

There's no specific way which is "right" in how we do or do not react to abuse.
You are not a bad person for not experiencing a "horrific" response to remembering.

Sometimes, we react to these events later in life. Sometimes, we deal with them earlier and the power they have over us tends to dissipate as we each regain our own sense of power.

If you continue to be bothered by feelings, flashbacks or are feeling overwhelmed by this, you may want to process this with a therapist?

You are courageous to share here. I hope you will feel more settled by having shared. Continue to post if you'd like, of course!


WC

[Rive1976]

Sometimes at the particular time a trauma happens we dont feel or deal because at that time its scary too. I dont think that your a horrible person at all.

[nicoleflynn]

I would suggest thinking about seeing a psychologist....at the very least you might feel some relief. Quite often if we don't address trauma, it will crop up. Your cousin was well aware that what he was doing was wrong.

It is normal for young children to experiment, but he took advantage of you.....a child.

You might want to write a letter (for yourself) of restorative justice---restorative justice says....this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. I was also molested;sadly it happens so frequently.

[Seek]

Exactly the same with an uncle. Took years to admit it to family but in doing so, I found I wasn't the only one. Telling someone might prevent it from happening to another cousin, but if it happened to you, it may have happened to them too, and you could support each other knowing this. If you're sure it hasn't affected you yet, it likely won't later, but it can anyone else he's done this to, so he needs to be stopped.