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Old Dec 08, 2007, 06:29 PM
crazieme's Avatar
crazieme crazieme is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2007
Posts: 6
hi
i'm new
i'm not sure i am posting on the right forum.........
i was abused in all forms from when i was young as i remember i got took into the 'care system' when i was 13.......
my mother and stepfather went to jail for the abuse.......
i never seen them since
i moved around alot in care from foster homes to kids home.
this forum says 'survivors of abuse'........

well what it is is i'm not a survivor........ i'm 27 now i take alot of meds and am known to the mental health system.......
i cut myself (anywhwere & everywhere) daily........
i attempt suicide quite alot (9 times since feb) cant even do that right...........
i dont go out due to anxiety, i am frightened that people can see me and think that i'm discusting...... i'm frightened that one day my parents will find me and i will be 'their dirty little girl' and 'punchbag' again

so i guess i'm not on the right forum am i???
cos i want to die so badly
i cant live with the memories and the nightmares
i blocked everything out for so long and now its like it has allcome back to haunt me........
and i dont cope with it
i cant
i cant look in the mirror
the flashbacks make me throw up
i'm frightened of sleeping
i'm frightened of everyone and everywhere

so i'm guessing this is not the right board for me is it?
because im not surviving.......

i need to die so badly
it is so hard
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  #2  
Old Dec 08, 2007, 06:49 PM
bipolar_bear's Avatar
bipolar_bear bipolar_bear is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,106
You have found the right place. You posting here shows what a brave survivor you are. I am sorry for all that happened to you. While each of our experiences are different I can understand your fears and feelings about yourself. I am sorry you were ever made to feel that way.

I hope that by sharing your experience with others you will feel more connected with yourself and others. You are not alone and I am glad you reached out here. Please take care.

BB
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  #3  
Old Dec 08, 2007, 07:04 PM
mlpHolmes's Avatar
mlpHolmes mlpHolmes is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Mar 2007
Location: Land of Endless Possibilities
Posts: 1,086
Hi! We spoke a few nights ago in Support Chat & I received your Thank You, you are quite welcome.It's great you posted in this forum, you chose just fine. I'd like to recommend another excellent forum I found so helpful. It is under the "Resources" main menu (under the Psych Central logo). Scroll down (alphabetical order) to the category "Suicide and Crises."It was invaluable to me during crisis stage.
Other recommended "hopelines"I've found:
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
www.suicide.org/
www.hopeline.com/
www.suicideforum.com/
Don't give in,you'll be in my thoughts & prayers. mp
  #4  
Old Dec 08, 2007, 08:33 PM
Rapunzel's Avatar
Rapunzel Rapunzel is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Jun 2003
Location: noplace
Posts: 10,284
You are certainly welcome here, and, yes, you are a survivor. You survived everything that has happened to you, and you are here with us now. You will be a survivor for as long as you live.

I hope that you find a way to reclaim your life, your hopes, and your dreams. I know it isn't easy, but you have choices now that you didn't have back then. There's no easy say to just turn off the nightmares and memories, but they can be lessened with time and therapy. And those things never have to happen to you again.

Hang in there, and talk to us, or keep talking to someone IRL when you need extra support. There are good people out there too, and if you allow it, you will find some that you can trust and be safe with. Let them help you. You deserve so much more.
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”
– John H. Groberg

  #5  
Old Dec 09, 2007, 12:07 AM
mtd mtd is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: Las vegas
Posts: 303
crazieme,

You are a survivor. I know it because you came here, and as best you could, you reached out for help. You reached out by showing all your frailties, weaknesses and stumbles. You opened yourself up to help, even when you have no reason to trust anyone, any time, any place or any thing.

Though you may not be able to believe it today, the worst is behind you. You can heal here. Welcome home.

mtd
  #6  
Old Dec 10, 2007, 12:16 AM
chaotic13's Avatar
chaotic13 chaotic13 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,747
(((((crazieme )))))
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"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach)
  #7  
Old Dec 10, 2007, 03:08 AM
Cyran0's Avatar
Cyran0 Cyran0 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2007
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,464
crazieme, I've read your post a few times now and each time I think, what can I say that would help?

All I can say is this. This is your life and while someone else tried to take it from you, they couldn't. You didn't let them. You're alive and you're here. You can and will feel better. Just don't give up and don't let them win.

Cyran0
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My blog: http://cyran0.psychcentral.net/

Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse.

Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes


"I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac
  #8  
Old Dec 11, 2007, 09:38 AM
Cthomas's Avatar
Cthomas Cthomas is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,746
You ARE a survivor. Dont say youre not. You are here with us now. These people are wonderful, they can cry with you, laugh with you and sympathize for all you have been through.

Sending a hug your way.
Colleen
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Tomorrow always has the potential to be better than today.

lets pretend its tomorrow...ok?
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