[Persephone518]

Disclaimer before the actual question (and TW for everything I'm about to say):

I may or may not have been molested as a child. This would have been around age 5-6, when I was left alone on several occasions with my mom's scumbag boyfriend/cocaine dealer. I have all the telltale signs and symptoms...except for the actual memories. I often wonder if the memories have been repressed, as often happens in these cases.

However, I was also chronically ill (severe asthma) and frequently hospitalized from birth until my preteen years. These hospital stays often involved invasive procedures such as urinary catheter insertion, ventilator tube insertion, needle sticks all over my body, etc. It was all done while I was awake, and I frequently had to be held down, screaming and thrashing, while these procedures took place. I have no memory of this either. What I just described was recounted by the family members who were with me at the time. The reason I mention it here is because I've read about other cases of children undergoing similar procedures who ended up exhibiting the same signs/symptoms of childhood sexual abuse even though they were never molested. Having medical implements forcibly inserted into one's private parts and mouth is almost like being raped in many ways--the pain, the violation, the betrayal of trust, the loss of power and bodily autonomy--especially when it happens to a toddler who's too young to understand any of it. It makes a lot of sense that the resulting emotional trauma would be very similar (if not identical) to that of CSA survivors.

TL;DR - I may have been molested, or I may just have trauma from undergoing invasive medical procedures as a young child.

Okay, now to get back to the original question...

Some people would argue that a spouse has the right to know about everyone their spouse has had sexual contact with. My sex ed classes always emphasized the importance of complete honesty about your sexual history whenever you get a new partner. Meaning you basically give them a list of all your past sexual partners. Whether this should include non-consensual sex is up for debate.

Part of me wants to explain this to my husband (because I equate intimacy with honesty), but another part of me is afraid it will make things "weird" and uncomfortable between us in the bedroom. I definitely don't want the latter!

Do I have an obligation to tell my husband about the possibility of being sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend?

[Deejay14]

Originally Posted by Persephone518

Disclaimer before the actual question (and TW for everything I'm about to say):

I may or may not have been molested as a child. This would have been around age 5-6, when I was left alone on several occasions with my mom's scumbag boyfriend/cocaine dealer. I have all the telltale signs and symptoms...except for the actual memories. I often wonder if the memories have been repressed, as often happens in these cases.

However, I was also chronically ill (severe asthma) and frequently hospitalized from birth until my preteen years. These hospital stays often involved invasive procedures such as urinary catheter insertion, ventilator tube insertion, needle sticks all over my body, etc. It was all done while I was awake, and I frequently had to be held down, screaming and thrashing, while these procedures took place. I have no memory of this either. What I just described was recounted by the family members who were with me at the time. The reason I mention it here is because I've read about other cases of children undergoing similar procedures who ended up exhibiting the same signs/symptoms of childhood sexual abuse even though they were never molested. Having medical implements forcibly inserted into one's private parts and mouth is almost like being raped in many ways--the pain, the violation, the betrayal of trust, the loss of power and bodily autonomy--especially when it happens to a toddler who's too young to understand any of it. It makes a lot of sense that the resulting emotional trauma would be very similar (if not identical) to that of CSA survivors.

TL;DR - I may have been molested, or I may just have trauma from undergoing invasive medical procedures as a young child.

Okay, now to get back to the original question...

Some people would argue that a spouse has the right to know about everyone their spouse has had sexual contact with. My sex ed classes always emphasized the importance of complete honesty about your sexual history whenever you get a new partner. Meaning you basically give them a list of all your past sexual partners. Whether this should include non-consensual sex is up for debate.

Part of me wants to explain this to my husband (because I equate intimacy with honesty), but another part of me is afraid it will make things "weird" and uncomfortable between us in the bedroom. I definitely don't want the latter!

Do I have an obligation to tell my husband about the possibility of being sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend?

The way I see it you are under no obligation to tell your husband. The decision is totally up to you.

You are under no obligation to tell anyone.

Also, I had kidney issues as a child and had to be held down for catheters and needles. I do remember it and it caused PTSD for me. I wouldnt let a doctor near me for years. It is extremely traumatic.

[nicoleflynn]

No one has a right to your thoughts/feelings/memories, unless you WANT to share them. My ex was an abuser and he heard me talking about being molested......it was a nightmare.

[cryingontheinside]

I agree with all the other posters . If someone was raped during the time of being in a relationship , in that situation the partner should be informed because of risks of any sexual transmitted infections . But other than that I think it is completely your choice . I also think giving the name of every partner that you have ever been with seems a bit unessasary . When people start a relationship they are free to both go for sexual health check ups before they start having sex together . I'm not saying lie to partners but I don't think so much detail is really necessary .

I don't think you've an Obligation. However if you do WANT to tell him (not out of fear, guilt or obligation) because you think it'll help, then go for it.

I haven't endured the medical traumas (they are horrifying and it's obvious why they're traumatic) and possible molests you have but have physical intimacy issues from a single incident trauma. In my case, I told my commited partner because I wanted to explain my bedroom issues, and because for me we'd reached that level of trust and intimacy where I felt it was safe to.

Whatever you decide, I hope you know you're entitled to privacy and you don't have to share anything you don't want to.

[Unrigged64072835]

I don’t think it’s necessary to talk about past sexual partners. I would talk about things that would cause discomfort in intimacy. I told my husband that and we accommodate for that.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Persephone518

Disclaimer before the actual question (and TW for everything I'm about to say):

I may or may not have been molested as a child. This would have been around age 5-6, when I was left alone on several occasions with my mom's scumbag boyfriend/cocaine dealer. I have all the telltale signs and symptoms...except for the actual memories. I often wonder if the memories have been repressed, as often happens in these cases.

However, I was also chronically ill (severe asthma) and frequently hospitalized from birth until my preteen years. These hospital stays often involved invasive procedures such as urinary catheter insertion, ventilator tube insertion, needle sticks all over my body, etc. It was all done while I was awake, and I frequently had to be held down, screaming and thrashing, while these procedures took place. I have no memory of this either. What I just described was recounted by the family members who were with me at the time. The reason I mention it here is because I've read about other cases of children undergoing similar procedures who ended up exhibiting the same signs/symptoms of childhood sexual abuse even though they were never molested. Having medical implements forcibly inserted into one's private parts and mouth is almost like being raped in many ways--the pain, the violation, the betrayal of trust, the loss of power and bodily autonomy--especially when it happens to a toddler who's too young to understand any of it. It makes a lot of sense that the resulting emotional trauma would be very similar (if not identical) to that of CSA survivors.

TL;DR - I may have been molested, or I may just have trauma from undergoing invasive medical procedures as a young child.

Okay, now to get back to the original question...

Some people would argue that a spouse has the right to know about everyone their spouse has had sexual contact with. My sex ed classes always emphasized the importance of complete honesty about your sexual history whenever you get a new partner. Meaning you basically give them a list of all your past sexual partners. Whether this should include non-consensual sex is up for debate.

Part of me wants to explain this to my husband (because I equate intimacy with honesty), but another part of me is afraid it will make things "weird" and uncomfortable between us in the bedroom. I definitely don't want the latter!

Do I have an obligation to tell my husband about the possibility of being sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend?

If you trust him then you shouldn't feel embarrassed. He may be more understanding than you realized. He may be able to you. But the decision is up to. It based on how you feel about the situation.

[AmberB96]

Originally Posted by Persephone518

Disclaimer before the actual question (and TW for everything I'm about to say):

I may or may not have been molested as a child. This would have been around age 5-6, when I was left alone on several occasions with my mom's scumbag boyfriend/cocaine dealer. I have all the telltale signs and symptoms...except for the actual memories. I often wonder if the memories have been repressed, as often happens in these cases.

However, I was also chronically ill (severe asthma) and frequently hospitalized from birth until my preteen years. These hospital stays often involved invasive procedures such as urinary catheter insertion, ventilator tube insertion, needle sticks all over my body, etc. It was all done while I was awake, and I frequently had to be held down, screaming and thrashing, while these procedures took place. I have no memory of this either. What I just described was recounted by the family members who were with me at the time. The reason I mention it here is because I've read about other cases of children undergoing similar procedures who ended up exhibiting the same signs/symptoms of childhood sexual abuse even though they were never molested. Having medical implements forcibly inserted into one's private parts and mouth is almost like being raped in many ways--the pain, the violation, the betrayal of trust, the loss of power and bodily autonomy--especially when it happens to a toddler who's too young to understand any of it. It makes a lot of sense that the resulting emotional trauma would be very similar (if not identical) to that of CSA survivors.

TL;DR - I may have been molested, or I may just have trauma from undergoing invasive medical procedures as a young child.

Okay, now to get back to the original question...

Some people would argue that a spouse has the right to know about everyone their spouse has had sexual contact with. My sex ed classes always emphasized the importance of complete honesty about your sexual history whenever you get a new partner. Meaning you basically give them a list of all your past sexual partners. Whether this should include non-consensual sex is up for debate.

Part of me wants to explain this to my husband (because I equate intimacy with honesty), but another part of me is afraid it will make things "weird" and uncomfortable between us in the bedroom. I definitely don't want the latter!

Do I have an obligation to tell my husband about the possibility of being sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend?

Hi there! My response to you is that no, you do not have an obligation to tell your husband. Though, they say honesty is the best policy, if you feel this is something you cannot do, then don't do it. If the time comes and you feel you are comfortable and ready to tell him this information, then I would suggest that it is in a place where it is just the two of you without any chances of interruption as this is very important.

[Rive1976]

I personally wouldnt because I have been in that situation. everything I liked in the bedroom my ex husband wouldnt do because he thought I liked it because it was done to me as a child. That didnt make any sense to me.