[Rive1976]

So this makes the 3rd therspist say that they suspect I was sexually traumatized. I mean is that even ethical to say? I mean I want to know but I dont know if that should be implied. If you just didnt remember anything traumatic and they suggest it how would you feel?

[Skeezyks]

I don't feel it is unethical for a therapist to mention this one time if the therapist believes mentioning it can potentially lead to some positive result. But if it's just a comment that doesn't come with some specific suggestion for how to "address" the concern (perhaps some specific therapy technique, for example) then it's just idle speculation that, to my mind, just potentially adds to the client's confusion, as it sounds like it has in your case.

I think what would be really unethical would be for the therapist to keep bringing something such as this up over-&-over when the client has no memory of such a thing having occurred & the therapist has no suggestions for how to get at the objective reality. Plus I think one has to be very cautious about this sort of thing. Current research into the functioning of the human brain is telling us how easy it is to plant memories in peoples' minds regarding things that never actually occurred.

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Dnester

...If you just didnt remember anything traumatic and they suggest it how would you feel?

Hi. I imagine I'd feel pretty blown away, to be honest. No memories of any such event [but maybe I was a baby at the time] and three therapists telling me I may have been sexually 'traumatized' [is that the same as 'sexually abused'?] Yes, I imagine I'd feel pretty confused, shocked, and very curious as to who the offender might have been, as well. Was it my mother? Was it my father? Those bast@rds!

You know what? I don't think it's very ethical for them to tell you they only 'suspect' something of that magnitude took place.

[Rive1976]

What do you mean in the last part?

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Dnester

What do you mean in the last part?

I mean they shouldn't say they suspect you had a sexual trauma or sexual abuse unless they're almost certain of it. And if they're almost certain of it, then they should say that. But if they're not almost certain of it, then they should keep their suspicions to themselves on ethical grounds, but still continue with your therapy.

[downandlonely]

It is possible to plant painful memories of things in people's minds even if nothing actually happened. It seems like your therapist is on dangerous ground though.

[Rive1976]

I dont know. It was actually more than that, that said it. It was a whole treatment team. I have had all of them say they suspect that something sexual happened to me but one that said I was molested even though I never said I was. The therapist I have now just says she suspects I was and through EMDR more may come out revealing why I have triggers.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hi. I imagine I'd feel pretty blown away, to be honest. No memories of any such event [but maybe I was a baby at the time] and three therapists telling me I may have been sexually 'traumatized' [is that the same as 'sexually abused'?] Yes, I imagine I'd feel pretty confused, shocked, and very curious as to who the offender might have been, as well. Was it my mother? Was it my father? Those bast@rds!

You know what? I don't think it's very ethical for them to tell you they only 'suspect' something of that magnitude took place.

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

I mean they shouldn't say they suspect you had a sexual trauma or sexual abuse unless they're almost certain of it. And if they're almost certain of it, then they should say that. But if they're not almost certain of it, then they should keep their suspicions to themselves on ethical grounds, but still continue with your therapy.

They are almost certain of it.

[12AM]

Why would a therapist plant false memories on their patients? And not only one but three therapists have said so? All three therapists want to plant something wrong in their patient’s head?

You said on other thread that your dad said he and your mom took you to therapy when you were a kid due to another kid at your age at that time kept exposing himself to you and you got really upset. I’m not a professional but there is something in this story that your therapists might have noticed.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by 12AM

Why would a therapist plant false memories on their patients? And not only one but three therapists have said so? All three therapists want to plant something wrong in their patient’s head?

You said on other thread that your dad said he and your mom took you to therapy when you were a kid due to another kid at your age at that time kept exposing himself to you and you got really upset. I’m not a professional but there is something in this story that your therapists might have noticed.

Yes they did take me. I just didnt remember why. I remembered going but not the sessions themselves. I got those records and they said I had touched my sister. I dont remember it but it would of nade me 8 and my sister 3 months old. The therapist I have now doesnt have those records though because they have been destroyed. So I dont know why they keep suggesting it. I told my therapist yesterday that I am afraid if I do EMDR anda memory pops up I wont believe it anyway. She said she thinks that may be a defense mechanism.

[12AM]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Yes they did take me. I just didnt remember why. I remembered going but not the sessions themselves. I got those records and they said I had touched my sister. I dont remember it but it would of nade me 8 and my sister 3 months old. The therapist I have now doesnt have those records though because they have been destroyed. So I dont know why they keep suggesting it.

I’d ask them the reason why they suggested it next time you meet them. EMDR has helped many people with traumas, I hope it will help you as well Childhood memories, especially the traumatic ones can be very foggy once we try to remember it as adults. EMDR or any kind of therapy can be very stressful at first but it has many benefits in the long term.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by 12AM

I’d ask them the reason why they suggested it next time you meet them. EMDR has helped many people with traumas, I hope it will help you as well Childhood memories, especially the traumatic ones can be very foggy once we try to remember it as adults. EMDR or any kind of therapy can be very stressful at first but it has many benefits in the long term.

Oh I already know why they think it but it doesnt make it true. My aversion to semen I think is the major thing, the fact that I begged not to go to Daycare, that I had oral sex at age 7. That could all be from other things though so whysuggest sexual abuse. I just dont know what good it does to suggest it if they dont know for sure. Also the fact that she says it may come out during EMDR makes me feel like I will have false memories.

[12AM]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Oh I already know why they think it but it doesnt make it true. My aversion to semen I think is the major thing, the fact that I begged not to go to Daycare, that I had oral sex at age 7. That could all be from other things though so whysuggest sexual abuse. I just dont know what good it does to suggest it if they dont know for sure. Also the fact that she says it may come out during EMDR makes me feel like I will have false memories.

Well if you don’t trust your therapist then it won’t be beneficial. Again why would they give you false memories? They’re professionals who get paid to do their job. There’s no benefit for them to do that.

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Dnester

...Also the fact that she says it may come out during EMDR makes me feel like I will have false memories.

Yeah, I'd agree with that. Not that they're deliberately planting a false memory in your mind but that they've already suggested the sexual abuse beforehand, and therefore the mind might start creating images and memories of things that weren't initially there to begin with. The power of suggestion.

I guess if during your EMDR, memories or images do surface, then err on the side of caution, especially if you have any doubt as to the reality of those memories.

Wow, it's obviously a difficult thing you're going through.

[12AM]

Not sure what to feel or think

Even though you didn’t tell your therapist this story, professionals can tell by your symptoms. You said in this thread you knew it was real memory. That story was clearly abuse. Why denied your therapist suggestions then?

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by 12AM

Not sure what to feel or think

Even though you didn’t tell your therapist this story, professionals can tell by your symptoms. You said in this thread you knew it was real memory. That story was clearly abuse. Why denied your therapist suggestions then?

No, she doesnt have record of me touching my sister when I was 8. I told her about the memory of my dad its on the EMDR list as on e of the things to process. Just havent got there yet. The thing is, is that I dont know what came before the flashback with my dad. Maybe he just wanted a kiss. I am more thinking about things like mote of soul that she has already suggested I may have memories so they may be false. I also I have been doing alot of research that memory isnt always reliable.

[12AM]

I see. Well then, I wish you good luck in your recovery

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Dnester

So this makes the 3rd therspist say that they suspect I was sexually traumatized. I mean is that even ethical to say? I mean I want to know but I dont know if that should be implied. If you just didnt remember anything traumatic and they suggest it how would you feel?

I don't think it's unethical for a T to tell their professional opinion about anything. If it is their professional opinion that you were abuse, they should, in fact, say so. If you don't have conscious memories of abuse and don't feel like trying to find out if that was the case, then the T should drop this topic and work on your presenting problem. If you don't have conscious memories but want to find out if something happen, then the T should suggests the methods of doing it and it is your choice to go ahead with any of those or not. The T, however, also has the right to refer you out if they believe that the solution to your current problem is to uncover the memories of possible past abuse but you are not willing to go in that direction. So, you have your choice in this situation and the T has theirs.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

I don't think it's unethical for a T to tell their professional opinion about anything. If it is their professional opinion that you were abuse, they should, in fact, say so. If you don't have conscious memories of abuse and don't feel like trying to find out if that was the case, then the T should drop this topic and work on your presenting problem. If you don't have conscious memories but want to find out if something happen, then the T should suggests the methods of doing it and it is your choice to go ahead with any of those or not. The T, however, also has the right to refer you out if they believe that the solution to your current problem is to uncover the memories of possible past abuse but you are not willing to go in that direction. So, you have your choice in this situation and the T has theirs.

Major Trigger

Yes but she said ok we are going to start the session with a little processing. She asked me what comes up when i thought about shame. I told her just chatter. Chatter to me is anything thst comes in my head like dont think about this, this isnt good, i dont want to be sitting here talking about this. Then she says I have something I want to share with you. I think you were sexually abused by your mother. She then read me a Ann Landers article on mother daughter incest. She said that article didnt send up any red flags but some of the stuff I told her did. 1) the fact that I have always since about 8 had a sexual and emotional attraction to mother figure types. My teachers, counselors, Sunday school teachers etc.2) The fact that I do and have had thoughts about sexually abusing woman as children and how it would have damaged them. There is something exciting about women wounded that way. This has also been the case since age 8 I dont mean sexually exciting and I couldnt have done it anyway because they are my age or older. I know this is sick. I never said i wasnt but i dont act on my thoughts. Anyway this is all she basing the fact I was sexually abused by my mother on and when I said no I dont think so she said well maybe it wasnt your mom but another woman. How is those two things enough to come to that theory? She did express it was just a theory. Still how did she get to that theory with that information?

[Stone92]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Oh I already know why they think it but it doesnt make it true. My aversion to semen I think is the major thing, the fact that I begged not to go to Daycare, that I had oral sex at age 7. That could all be from other things though so why suggest sexual abuse.

There is no other normal explanation I know of for a child age seven engaging in oral sex. I know it's hard and uncomfortable to hear that. I'm very sorry for what you went through, and for that you have to find out about it again now.


Your therapist has to suggest theories. There's no way to be sure about what's going on without your input. What's the alternative?


It's also very common for people to forget or repress traumas at that age. Most people don't remember much of anything from before they were five years old to begin with.


The simplest explanation is usually the best.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Stone92

There is no other normal explanation I know of for a child age seven engaging in oral sex. I know it's hard and uncomfortable to hear that. I'm very sorry for what you went through, and for that you have to find out about it again now.


Your therapist has to suggest theories. There's no way to be sure about what's going on without your input. What's the alternative?


It's also very common for people to forget or repress traumas at that age. Most people don't remember much of anything from before they were five years old to begin with.


The simplest explanation is usually the best.

I could of just learned that from the other kids at Daycare. That happened there.

[Stone92]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I could of just learned that from the other kids at Daycare. That happened there.

That would be called child-on-child sexual abuse, and that's still a form of sexual trauma.


I know you don't want to believe what your therapist is suggesting. It's a scary thing to consider. Maybe you're not ready to think about that yet. If that's the case, you should tell her so. Maybe at some point you'll be more willing to examine those symptoms and what they might mean. But I don't think that either dismissing them outright, or accepting them at face value, will be particularly helpful for you. If discussing the possibility at all is overly distressing to you, it might be better to put it on the shelf for right now. You don't have to figure this out right now, or in public. You get to decide when and where you tackle this.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Stone92

That would be called child-on-child sexual abuse, and that's still a form of sexual trauma.


I know you don't want to believe what your therapist is suggesting. It's a scary thing to consider. Maybe you're not ready to think about that yet. If that's the case, you should tell her so. Maybe at some point you'll be more willing to examine those symptoms and what they might mean. But I don't think that either dismissing them outright, or accepting them at face value, will be particularly helpful for you. If discussing the possibility at all is overly distressing to you, it might be better to put it on the shelf for right now. You don't have to figure this out right now, or in public. You get to decide when and where you tackle this.

Children experiment. I am sure that lots of people have had this happen. I was also a willing participate.