[mrputitdown]

I'll try to keep this short and to the point.


I was in a relationship for two years (M/M). I had just come out (27, Married to a female, child), and quickly jumped into a relationship. I know this was dumb, and I've accepted my mistake.


After the first four months, the first "hit" happened. It was a slap, and the excuse of "I was trying to grab your shoulder."

Three months after that, the "bad" time happened. We were leaving the "Club/Bar" scene in Dallas. I was driving (he was drunk, but more than I thought).


He became agitated (I don't know why to this day), and I pulled over to get gas. Before I knew it, he had me by my throat and slammed my head against the driver window twice, and held me there (5 seconds? 7? Time just stopped... it may have been 3?).


He started yelling, "Oh my god, oh my God. What did I do?!" And crumpled in a ball. Asked to go home. I took him home (we lived together already).


Once home (where his cousin also lived with us), he was out of control. I don't know what happened..What set him off. I never will.


He tried to get past me and bumped my shoulder... Grabbed me by both shoulders and threw me from the end of the bed to the far wall (4ft?).


That was the last time of physical abuse in our relationship that lasted another 1 1/2 years.

There was also substance abuse (on both ends, I take responsibility).

And what I now know as "Gaslighting."

"You make up these conversations in your head," "You're paranoid.." etc.


I could go into more detail..very vivid detail.


Here's my question, because I haven't talked to many people about what all happened.


I broke up with him on September 23rd (our two year anniversary, oddly enough and no that wasn't planned). Within one-week, I moved out, 100% on my own and independent.


Here's my thought process...

I also know some people go through so, so much worse. That makes this look like a "cake walk" (I'm not trying to be disrespectful, just show my thoughts). Part of me thinks it would be rediculous for me to seek out some type of "Group" or even a therapist.


But certain aspects continue running through my head. I'll think of it, and I start to get tears welling up, and I just stop them.


I feel selfish to feel this way? Do I just need to "get over it" and move on? Or at least, not be so dramatic about it?


Help me think through this...

Any insight would be great.


(FYI - If it's an article, send away. I love reading and writing so any written info is excellent, or just a response).


Much love,

Matty

[Amyjay]

I have a couple of questions.

"Too sensitive" for what?
"Overly dramatic" according to whom?
"Selfish" according to who?
"Get over it" for whom?

You say certain aspects of it run through your head, and you get emotionally upset if you think about it. It obviously affects you.

I wonder where this judgement about your experiences not being "_________ enough" to make you "eligible" to have feelings about it all comes from...

[mrputitdown]

Oh ... Wow. I had never seen it like that... Wow.


All I can say is thank you Amy, and I need to process this. That was a simple response, but... you've really made me think.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree... “too sensitive” .. “selfish” etc - for what/ according to who

And I too wonder where those judgments come from