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#1
Dec 10, 2018, 03:45 PM
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Does anyone have any advice for dealing with other people who don't "approve" of you going no-contact with someone?
My mother and stepfather were both neglectful and emotionally abusive to me. After years of attempting to work out a relationship with my mother, I finally went no-contact, and I feel so much better, emotionally and physically. However, my mother was also horribly abused as a child herself. So her whole life, people have seen her as a "victim" and used her past to excuse basically anything she has done. I have cut off most of the people from her side of the family - it's basically just one big dysfunctional system. However, I do have a few people from the family that I still talk to, but even those few will still make me feel bad about cutting my mom off - "she had a hard life" or minimizing the abuse that I myself suffered. How do you deal with that? I'm sick of being made to feel guilty for not wanting my abusive mother in my life. |
 Anonymous43949, Skeezyks
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#2
Dec 10, 2018, 05:01 PM
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You did the right thing for you. There is no excuse for abuse. Just because she was abused, it doesn't make it right for her to abuse you, as two wrongs don't make a right.
You can tell people that you really need to prioritize self-care right now, or that you need some time away to heal. If they continue to push, you can tell them that you don't feel like you need to justify your personal choice to them, and that you wish not to discuss about this topic any further. |
 BettysGranddaughter
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#3
Dec 10, 2018, 06:08 PM
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Don’t get into discussion with them about the situation. If you are at the no contact point, the time for restorative discussion from concerned parties is over. If they can’t help they can mind their own business.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
| BettysGranddaughter
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#4
Dec 10, 2018, 06:44 PM
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Quote:
Right, I think I let it go too far to begin with. It's better to be honest and cut it off right up front. And if they can't respect that, then I probably shouldn't be talking to them either. |
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#5
Dec 10, 2018, 06:52 PM
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I don't know if I've linked you to articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on this subject previously. If I have, please forgive me. Just in case I have not, though, here are links to 7 articles on, or related to, this subject:
Toxic Mom? Going No Contact? 5 Things You Must Realize Going No Contact with Mom? Prepare Yourself for the Smear Campaign 6 Tips for Cutting Off Contact with Narcissistic Family Members What to expect after leaving your narcissist and going "no contact" | The Recovery Expert Unloved Daughters and the Shame of Estrangement https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...toxic-parents/ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...amily-members/ My best wishes to you... 
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| BettysGranddaughter
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#6
Dec 10, 2018, 06:57 PM
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No, I haven't seen them. Thank you!
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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