My abusive parents

My father is an alcoholic and has been so for as long as I can remember. I’m still in contact with him I feel that our relationship is better now. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive towards me when I was younger, she has had many relationships over the course of my childhood all ending on a bad note but now she has a boyfriend which she’s been with for 4 years but I don’t get on with him. I feel like she choose him instead of me or maybe he was a rebound after I stopped having any contact with her.
We talk sometimes but I don’t understand why do I still care/love her after all the hell she’d put me through I keep remembering the good times we had together but it just hurts even more. I still have resentment towards her but I feel sorry for her because she was abused when she was younger and she had a lot of stuff to deal with and now she has also lost me

Perhaps it’s part of your humanity, not only to
Have compassion in her brokeness, but also to see the bigger picture.

Don’t have the answer to your feelings, but it’s a good start to try and understand why. Maybe journal.