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#1
Jan 18, 2008, 05:07 PM
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On my 10th Birthday my dad died. I faced a lot of confusion in my life at that point, on one hand I hated my dad: he was a sick, twisted man who did terrible things to me. On the other, I didn't know would would happen next. That 10th Birthday was more then me turning 10, it was the mark of a new period of time for me.
It was also me receiving a new guardian, my (half-)brother. He was 19, days away from turning 20, at the time he adopted me. I thought I would be safe with him, I thought after the things I had gone through as a child would be over. I was wrong. He beat me, he raped me, sometimes he'd call his friend over and they'd both do it. I was 10, 11, and 12. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I couldn't tell anyone, I kept it locked inside until I was 19, until now. All these years later he is finally paying for what he has done, he is finally in jail. The court date is coming up, he knows he has to plead guilty: I have video evidence of him doing it. He even says he's not sorry, he says he's glad he did it to me: he says no matter how much time he spends in jail I can not take away the pleasure he got from doing such things to me, and that he is glad he has caused me so much damage. It makes me sick to my stomach that he has no remorse, and that he was a doctor, and that child services trusted him with me and his son. But he will be in jail now and he can't hurt anyone else. With he court date coming up I get nightmares... but it is all for the best. |
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#2
Jan 18, 2008, 05:26 PM
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((( Ledgewood )))
No one deserves to be treated like you did. It breaks my heart to read this. I wish you nothing but peace and happiness from now on. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Much Love, Jenn
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"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#3
Jan 18, 2008, 05:30 PM
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Vince, I'm sure it's gonna be reall though and i dont really know what to say or anything but I'll be thinking about you
Blue
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#4
Jan 18, 2008, 07:01 PM
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Wow Ledgewood...that is a lot to go through. I am sorry you have suffered so much. I am glad you are finally opening up about this...I hope you will continue to heal from all of the trauma.
My thoughts are with you...
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You don't have to fly straight...  ...just keep it between the lines!
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#5
Jan 18, 2008, 09:08 PM
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Wood ,,, Let me tell ya something .
What he is doing is having one last stab at f ing with your head .. Make sure when in court in front of other inmates or Guards you stand up and LOUDLY call him a child molester !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vent on him till the Judge says escort you from the courtroom . Dude ,,, hehe ,,, he will get his fear of WTF in his face later down the road... |
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#6
Jan 18, 2008, 10:14 PM
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I am speechless at his cruelity.... and I am so sorry he took that last "swing" at you...
I agree with wmd.... and I feel you are so very courageous... I never.. got a chance to punish my abusers.. and ... this helps me a great deal... to see this man punished... |
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#7
Jan 19, 2008, 01:14 AM
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With this monster behind bars, I hope you can work towards finding the peace for yourself that you deserve.
Don't let his words and inhumanity matter to you. Don't wait for him to show remorse. Just work on healing yourself. That you can control. Always remember, you do not have to be alone in your healing journey now, no matter how alone you felt when you were being harmed. be well, mtd |
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#8
Jan 19, 2008, 03:30 PM
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(((LEDGEWOOD))). I just hope you can find some peace when the case is over with your brother. Take care (((LEDGEWOOD))). Soidhonia
__________________
The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
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#9
Jan 19, 2008, 04:00 PM
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((((((((((( Ledge ))))))))))))
It does not surprise me that he would take one last stab at you. He is loosing his freedom, he is feeling the heat, he is sick and depraved. You, on the other hand are now free from his abuse, free to live the life you want to live, to be the person you want to be. You can work on freeing yourself from the binds of abuse and you can flourish and grow and love and live. My heart aches too for what you have been through. You never deserved it. I keep you in my prayers and send you healing thoughts and peaceful wishes.  sabby |
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#10
Jan 19, 2008, 04:48 PM
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I second all of the above. Twisted soul who inflicted pain on you. At 19 you will have power in your life and make the decisions that will help you heal. I would like to ask you to try and make conscious decisions about how you want your life to be. Don't just let life happen to you. You are in a special place now. I hope you find women IRL to hold you, to learn to grieve what has been and use it to make your life yours, whatever you choose to do. I don't know if you are in therapy but stay there or get there. Only with someone with a lot of experience in trauma work. I know that many of the woman here will mother you. Meaning help you to accept your wonderful self and help you to feel at peace with you. And the men will validate that what happened was monstorous, horrid, and OVER. You are safe.
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#11
Jan 19, 2008, 07:10 PM
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 For Real Wise ,, For Real !!Wood You Be with that Love you have that has birthed Twins for you ,,, and Share the process with her . YOU have > 3 < peeps in your LIFE that are Automatic to LOVE YOU .... Without Judgement .  P E A C E Friend.
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#12
Jan 19, 2008, 07:33 PM
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((((( EVERYONE ))))) for the support... it means so much to be able to come on here and have everyone supporting me... thank you.
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#13
Jan 20, 2008, 02:56 PM
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Oh, I see I know very little about so many people hear. You have twin babies!!!! How very exciting. I would love to hear all about them. Please let me clarify something. By finding women in real life I was thinking older mother types, not suggesting sexual partners. Now I have embarrassed myself. Not an easy task. Ha ha. You will find what you need to heal. You are an amazing survivor. peace
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#14
Jan 29, 2008, 03:16 PM
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((((((((((((((Ledgewood))))))))))))))) This makes me angry as a survivor of rape. And possibly being "exploited" at an even younger age. MAJOR KUDOS to you for fighting for justice so that he never does it to anyone again. It takes so much strength to come forward......and I know that because I never have in the RIGHT way. As for his last stabs...........huh.......now he knows............what is coming to him as a member of prison life..............is not pretty.......and while it will never totally quell your feelings.............he will face a very horrible life behind bars. As a former correctional officer in an all male prison.........I can totally vouch for that. I wish you freedom and happiness for the rest of you & your family's life............................
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"Life is short, you get one shot, make it count." ~ Yours Truly |
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