i ve been posting allot today. i think its b/c i really want to talk to my T. i have this wierd urge to delve into talking about abuse which i havent done since the origional confession. I dont know what i want to say. just that i need to acknowledge it again. i just want to say (which i havent outloud). that T -.. xxxx molested me (sorry about the xxx's. im still embarrassed to say who sometimes) . its ugly and horrible isnt it. im not sure why. i just want to talk. im not triggered i dont think.

(((((((esthersvirtue))))))

I was abused by mothers pdoc for years...I hear you...always here if you want to talk.....

Jinnyann xoxoxoxxoxoxxo

[Cyran0]

If you really want to talk, why not make a really big post? Really put a lot out there.

Just a suggestion.

Cyran0

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((esthesvertue))))

I am hear and I am listening if you would ever want to talk. I know what you are feeling. Keep posting and know that we are here for you and holding your hand right now.

cami

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( esthersvirtue )))))))))))))

[sujunew]

(((((esthersvirtue)))))
It is probably helping just to let it out and to talk about it, especially if you are in control and not too triggered by it. If I can be a listening ear for you, as you have offered for me, please PM me.
Take care,
irish

[mtd]

esthersvirtue,

I am very glad to hear that you feel like talking. To me, that's a very important sign of healing. But I want to suggest to you that you change two words in your vocabulary. One, you refer to your "original confession." Confessions are for when we admit to something WE did wrong. You did not doing anything wrong to cause your abuse. Maybe it would be more affirming to yourself to call it your "original disclosure" or even better, your "first brave disclosure" or "first revelation". Something like this. Something that says you broke the silence over something that was not your fault, but which harmed you, that you need to heal from. Please know that I understand your present choice of words. I used to speak like that too, because I felt I caused or at least invited the abuse, but I am working to deliberately speak in ways that reflect the REAL truth -- it wasn't my fault. I have nothing to confess. I want to invite you to join me in this re-labeling. Abusers give us blaming labels. We deserve new ones, one that reflect the real truth and support our recovery.

And you also speak of being "embarrassed." I know that feeling also. But to me, it also suggests you were at fault. We are embarrassed when we make a mistake. You didn't make a mistake and cause abuse. It wasn't your action. For this reason, I suggest replacing the word "embarrassed" as well. Maybe say "I still need my privacy" about what was done to me or who did it. It's o.k., I believe, to keep private what pains you until you are ready to address it. But please don't be embarrassed. Embarrassment is about shame -- you have nothing to be ashamed of.

be well,

mtd

Thank you all for your support. It helps. I talked to my T about moving forward with some stuff. I think we have a plan. Its wierd how just one day I felt ready. I bet my T never thought this day would come.

[Kiya]

that's good - and gives me hope for myself, too.