[sujunew]

Umm, wondering about flashbacks...Been having a few but they are focused on the part of my memory that is a blank. I wrote down 2 scenarios that could fill in the blank early last year. Since my session with t on monday I have had a lot of 'flashbacks' to do with one of these scenarios. Is it possible to have flashbacks of something I may have made-up or could it be my sub-concious telling me something???

I may be castigated for saying this but with memory all things are possible, BUT that possiblity doesnt mean they arent true. I find it interesting that you T told you to make up scenarios that 'could' fill in the blank spot. That would have me nervous in itself. While my memory wasnt very conscious.. there was always a knowing about the who and the what that was burried yet not completely unknown. Everyone doesnt have to be like that though. I think when you try to force a memory to emerge it becomes frustrating. One thing that helped me was letting my memory be and moving to something else and working on other more present issues. Often doing that will trigger other memories of the past and helps you really become more comfortable with your memory itself.

Whatever you do try not to feel upset whether you remember or dont. I have this meditation and it says... 'Nothing you can learn or know can make you a better person than you are right now. You are able to take on whatever healing you need at the moment with what you have inside. '

I have found that true in my healing process. I'm not sure if it is universal, but it spoke to me.. best of luck.
Hope that helps.

[sujunew]

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esthersvirtue said:
I think when you try to force a memory to emerge it becomes frustrating.

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Just to clarify- I wrote them for myself. I was trying to find possible ways to fill in the blank.
And FRUSTRATING is such an understatement lololol

[mtd]

sujunew,

Above all, trust your feelings. Let them be. Let them flow. Don't try to manipulate them. Then, they will show you your Truth.

Flashbacks are a bit different in my experience. Sometimes they revealed a truth, and I could see/feel that. Other times, a flashback showed a distorted feeling, but I could see that too. Always, they come with stong feelings, too often overwhelming feelings, frankly. Regardless, the point is, flashbacks (for me, and probably you too) are telling you something. Sometimes it's information. Other times it's a feeling that got trapped, but needs to get out so healing could progress. Like, the extreme anger. That image **** trigger warning, please take care of yourself ****

... that image of my fist crashing through his chest -- one who abused me -- and pulling it out all bloody. I know that didn't happen for real. But I felt the rage and the fear and the grief. (It was really bad timing, by the way, I was driving and almost crashed -- not sure what triggered it).

Some advice that might help: When you are struggling to fill in a blank in your memory (I know that frustration, truly -- and I'm sorry you are going through it), don't try so hard to access it. You will tend to become too logical and the feeling that trapped the memory won't come out. Instead, if you want to try to release memories, try this:

Pick up something very basic, child-like, to write with, like a crayon or thick marker. And get some construction paper -- not the grown up, college ruled stuff -- something a kid would use. Then put the marker in the wrong hand, the one you don't write with. Close your eyes. Start drawing or try writing simple statements. Stuff will come out, in time, if not right away.

Hope this helps.

be well,

mtd

[sujunew]

(((((mtd)))))
thank you.

[Kiya]

Mine have been like EV's. i had to let go of wanting to know what was in the blanks until i was ready to deal with it.

one more reciently, i had acutal memory (that i hadn't seen in years) and then a blank. I wanted to know the blank and sat with it until the fuzzy grey tv screen yielded a flashback. then the other memory that i hadn't seen in even longer came back and connected all three. then i had mini 30 second black (or grey) outs every minute or so while i processed that info.

[sujunew]

so maybe one day... I just find it so frustrating not knowing, especially when I have come so far with everything else. But no more flashbacks for me at the mo- meds are keeping the anxiety and thoughts at bay and keeping me 1/2 asleep- a good thing I s'pose!!!

[Kiya]

sleep is good.... i've kind of forgotten just how benificial at this point...

[sujunew]

(((((kiya)))))
i hope you find those benefits soon