[r2rsd]

I have lived under my abusive parents for 18 years.

the physical abuse lasted for about ten years. i reported my mother for it two years ago, and physical abuse does not occur anymore. however, emotional and verbal abuse still ensue, and it has gotten the better of me. i simply cannot stay home anymore. i have reached out to my best friend and my brother, hoping that they can stop me, because i sure can't. the magnitude of my parents' verbal abuse is something that i don't want to describe again. it is big, huge, incredulous, ridiculous, whatever word fits. right now i am tired, i have a headache from crying all day, and i am unbelievably angry and feeling irrational. please stop me. i have everything to lose if i run away, but i can't stand staying here any longer either. help me.


I am not suicidal. I just want someone to please stop me from running away. I want an answer: I can’t stand staying here, but I lose everything if I run away. What do I do?


Thank you.

[wisewoman]

I am glad you posted. Have you ever read anything about women whoare battered? We advise them to make an escape plan. You can make an escape plan the same way. Are your parents holding money over your head? Are you going to go to college? You are 18, it's not running away. If you are going to college then just go, move and find excuses to not go back during breaks. Oh I got invited too... You can use the energy you are focussing on running with to make the best plan you can. If you still need your parent's financial support then you'll have to play alone but prtect yourself as you do so. I wish you luck.

[SweetCrusader]

Nobody here can make the decision for you. I'm sorry to say that. ((((hugs)))) My advice would be in the same vein as wisewoman's. Make an escape plan. If you don't have a job, get one if you can and start saving your money. Save up as much as you can, and hide it somewhere if you have to, so you won't need your parents to sign on a bank account. Look into arrangements for a place to live. Find out if you have friends who can help you get yourself settled. And I reccomend looking into going to school. Student housing is much cheaper, you may be able to get financial aid, and then you will have a degree and can get a good job with which to support yourself.

I know how hard emotional abuse can be on someone. I think for me it was harder than being hit. I'm sorry you are going through this. If you want, keep posting. We'll be here to talk you through it all. (((((hugs)))))

Take care!
Angela (SweetCrusader)

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

[(JD)]

Welcome r2rsd... sorry you are going through this...

BTW do you suffer with rsd? ....

<font color=green> ...slip sliding away... slip sliding away....

[r2rsd]

thanks for everyone who has replied for me. i stayed home just to see if someone has replied, hoping that someone can stop me. as for shelters, and all other plans of running away, i cannot do them, because i have too much of an academic obligation going on for me right now. i am in this program called IB, and not many highschools support it. school is all i care about, and if i run away, well, i'm not really sure if they'll have higher programs offered to girls who ran away.

i have thought of an alternative. malicious, maybe, but it's a sweet revenge. you get back what you give, no? one way to return the rage, anger, tiredness, depression and torture is perhaps to do it back to my parents. all of you talked about 'planning an escape'. that was a very wise advice, thank you, and while thinking about it i found that i just have too much to lose even then. it would be too much of a distraction from my schoolwork. instead of me losing things in life, i decided that i make THEM lose things in life. I will act like a ghost in this house that causes mysterious disappearances or breakage of items that previously worked. that, is my 'plan', and i will pour my energy on that, starting today. it will definitely make me feel better. ideas will be appreciated.

i think it's ridiculous that the abuse has gotten me to go this far, but it is far better than running away and losing everything in my life. may misery loom upon them from now on.

<div class="foot">(Edited by r2rsd on 08/19/04 03:04 PM.)</div>

[r2rsd]

hello. no, i do not know what rsd is. i think i'll look up what it is. =] r2rsd is just a random jumble of number and words. i don't like to use usernames that reflect meanings.

[wisewoman]

Hi again, I could have been you 30 years ago. I was abused in every which way and the emotional was the worst. Please consider who you want to be in your life and rethink you retaliation. I spent the last 6 months of my senior year being a ghost. By this I mean I stayed as invisable as possible and was less subject to abuse. I stayed away from "HOME" as much as I could and slept there only. You do not deserve mistreatment but if your gain is more than your loss, preserve your soul and integrity. Do not sink to their levels. Think of who you want to be? I bet you want to be the opposite of them. I told my son who is older then you now that the best revenge is to do well and I believe it. Do well, be a loving person, use your parents if need be but save your soul. You are in my thoughts. Remember you have all of the power!

[mandala]

I know the IB program and I understand your quandry.

How close are you to graduating?

My advice would be to "go numb" where your parents are concerned, avoid them as much as possible, and concentrate on your studies. Once you complete the program many doors will be open to you that you will help you get away from your parents.

As they say, living well is the BEST revenge.

Hang in there.... not long ago, I was in your position... honors student, abusive home, etc. It can get better... it has for me.

M

[shakes]

r2rsd,
I can understand that you cannot run away because of your academics right now, but a safety plan is still important! You never know when something might happen that would really require a way out. I work in a non profit organization that does work with battered women and their families and I can help you with any information you might need. Please do not hesitate to PM me.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

r2, my first question is are you in any physical danger by staying at your parents for your senior year?
2nd, do you have any family members that can take you in for the rest of your senior year?
It was such a pleasure to speak with you last night; I enjoyed the conversation.
Sincerely,
Jon

[ErinBear]

Hi,

I am afraid I don't know what the IB program is, so I don't know the details. When I was 18 and needed to get out of the house, I started doing house- and pet-sitting. It gave me a "politically correct" way to get out of the house. My parents were okay with me leaving the house for weeks at a time because I had a "job" to take care of somebody else's home, and I was getting paid for it. I would try to get as many jobs as I could so I was out of their home as often as possible. It was a big help to me.

I agree with others that making a plan to leave as soon as possible, whether that means going to college or living on your own, even if it is just renting a room in a house, may be your best bet. You can try calling a hotline for battered women. I was in a very similar situation in the past, living with parents that abused me although legally I was an adult. At least in our area, the battered women's shelters do not assist adult children who are being battered or abused by parents, but they will give advice over the phone. Here, they only assist women who are being battered by their husbands or partners. Maybe they have different policies in different areas though. Still, if you call them, they could give you valuable advice on how to make a plan for how you can leave your parents' home and be safer, and that might be really helpful just to be able to talk about those details with somebody over the phone. It's a big change to make, and you might not be able to make it right now while you are finishing your school program, but you can start planning it now. Just knowing you are making the plans might help you get through the rest of the time until you can go.

Sending you caring thoughts and good wishes....

Take care,
ErinBear