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#1
Mar 09, 2008, 03:26 PM
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stuff is slowly surfacing, like those long funny worms after a rain.
i can't remember being 6-7. i have a clear picture of 5 and it feels older than 6. i can't find 6 or 7. the next clear thing i can find is 11. and yet 11 is a whole-nother-ballgame. i just posted about it in "remembering pieces" yesterday. so it is like 6 is struggling to be present, and so is 11 and it confuses me. who am i? am i 6? am i 11? or am i in my 30's? how can i be all these at the same time? i want to curl up in a ball and hide in my closet. i want to run from the coming danger. and i am typing here safe in my room with a rehearsal coming up soon that i need to be fully present for.
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#2
Mar 09, 2008, 04:10 PM
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kiya... i think that we revisit those times ... i use to think that the part of me from back then didn't survive... that she had died... but i am finding that maybe she was just hiding in the closet... i know it's different for you in some ways... but kind of the same too... lyn
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lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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#3
Mar 10, 2008, 01:53 AM
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yeah - that makes sense, lyn.... i think we probably were hiding in our closets, wishing and praying we were dead -rather than being with our bodies as bad things happened.
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#4
Mar 10, 2008, 07:22 AM
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maybe it's time to step out of the closet... it only holds the illusion of safety anyway...lyn
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lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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#5
Mar 11, 2008, 01:10 AM
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*sigh* =( you're right. i don't want this to be right. but i think it is.
well - real closets to me were (are) always scary. but my inner closet feels safer than being exposed. yet the memories find me anyway. t doesn't want me to go through them alone anymore. that felt like solid ground. i'm ready for solid ground.
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#6
Mar 11, 2008, 06:23 AM
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yeah i hear that... seems we always hide in the places that aren't so safe...huh? i am glad you don't have to do it alone anymore... you deserve to be cared about...lyn
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lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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#7
Mar 11, 2008, 12:30 PM
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as do you deserve to be cared about.... more though, I think (for myself) is that I have to let myself be cared about.... that's kinda scary.
Hoping today goes better for you! Kiya
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#8
Mar 11, 2008, 04:17 PM
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(((((((( kiya ))))))))
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#9
Mar 12, 2008, 11:47 PM
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(((((kiya)))))
this soundsl ike a really scary place to be right now, and I can certainly relate to feeling like your 'inner closet' is the safest place to be. But it sounds like you are ready to take that next step in healing. I wish you all the best.
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I know that behind every grey cloud there is a silver lining; I just need to be patient enough to find it!!! |
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#10
Mar 13, 2008, 02:31 PM
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(((((((( fuzzy, sujunew )))))))
thanks... yeah... i think i am ready to move forward.... it feels like walking to the gallows and i'm shaking like a leaf. kiya
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#11
Mar 14, 2008, 01:13 AM
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aww well i hope things improve. good luck
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Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. R.I.P. Bandit 7-12-08 I love you I miss you. |
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#12
Mar 14, 2008, 05:08 PM
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ty =)
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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