[Butterfly_Faerie]

I had my sesssion today and have been having a hard time with memories and triggers, depression and anxiety.

Now with terms of memories popping up this is what I know I can do to help myself get through this.

I have a choice now with how much emotional and mental energy I want to put into this (memories) I will have to put some in to keep myself in the present...That's energy well spent.( If I let it all go i could become stuck)

Remember I have a choice now...

All I have to ask myself when memories are resurfacing is:

Do I really want to do it? Let them continue like this?

Do I want to go there?

The answer is no I don't. I can no longer block the memories because in doing that they will keep coming back. But if I deal with them and cut them off at the source then i want be sucked back in.

I know that it's ok to have triggers, or memories, I can't forget them, nor would I want too <-- that's weird to say that...
But I am refusing to let it take a hold of me again.

I can and well deal with it when it happens, and I will come out on top.

Also I was told that I could move on to the next step and forgive.. so we'll see what happens during my next session.

[shakes]

Sundance,
The place that you are at right now is a difficult one. To go forward and deal (and go through an intense period of pain while working through it) or repress what is going on (and not deal).
I do not have an answer for you because I believe that this is a very personal decision. Just know that I hope the best for you.

Jessica

[Butterfly_Faerie]

(((Shakes)))

I cannot repress the memories, because in doing that i'm blocking them, and that is only going to put me back in that whole. I can't do that anymore, I need to let them come and then deal with them and ending them instead of shaking it back into my mind and trying to forget. When we do that we are only making it worse for us, because the memories will keep coming back, I'm tired of blocking, i'm not going to do that anymore, no matter how bad they get. I want my control back, and I have a choice to do that so i'm damn well going to try.

I've come a long way in recovering from all this, i'm not going to allow myself to be stuck there again.

Now forgivness is a different matter all together, my psychiarist brought it up. Don't think I can do that though.