I very rarely talk about this so sorry if i ramble or don't make much sense.
When i was 15 i was raped in broad daylight alonside another girl. The man was caught and is in prison. I have always been able to look back on the event without flinching and it has had very little effect on me. I was completely 'over it' in a few weeks. I wouldn't really question my reaction to this if something else hadn't happened when i was younger.
I have never told anyone IRL about this and only a couple of people online but my father is in jail. He raped my sister when she was eight and i was six. It only happened once and my mum found out pretty much immediately and told the police. Before this had happened to my sister, my dad had been touching/molesting/fondling (whatever you want to call it) me for about two months. I was young but still had an idea that this was very wrong. I was actually going to tell someone but then the incident with my sister happened.
When my mum, sister, police and many psychiatrists asked me if my dad had ever done anything to me i lied and said no. I remember vividly my reasons behind the lying; my mum was feeling terrible for not noticing it and i didn't want to upset her anymore and my sister deserved all of the attention. i had always been protective of my sister so wanted all of the attention on her i suppose.
I have had schizophrenia from a young age and various other mental illnesses and these were happening before the abuse. I always count these issues as bigger and more harming that either occasions of abuse.
I don't see why this doesn't upset me more! i feel sick for not being horrified about it and feel somewhat dirty or tainted. I even have visited my father twice in prison (even though i detest him) and i did get a bit upset after those occasions but it was more to do with my sister than what happened to me. i am grateful that i am not bothered by this but at the same time am confused. i haven't spoken to anyone else who feels like this...

[Behindthemoon]

i didnt know anyone who is in a similar situation. But i do remeber there is a movie and there is a girl in that movie who is in a very similar place. She is a senator and there is a bad man who's running a presidential campagne and once trying to do sth. bad to her(He has already done that to quite a lot of women around him and he is under investigation at that moment.) well, the police goto her and ask if he has done that to her and she says no (sure, unwillingly.) Cause she has a son who is the result of a rape to her and she doesnt want her son to know about his father and rape cause she is such a nice mother and she just tell him that his father is dead. So...after all she HAS a reason to lie, doesn't she?
Although its just something in a movie but i can say there isnt anything more realistic than that .
so you are not alone.
the reaction of each rape victims to their case varies so much from each other. you dont need to feel guilty since its still within the normal reactions.

keep your story to a very small group of people in whom you can trust ,okay?

take care

[Kiya]

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
supporting you

[Cyran0]

There's no particular way you're supposed to react to something. Not everyone comes back from war with ptsd and not every rape victim cries themselves to sleep at night. It's simply how you responded and it doesn't say any more about you than the event itself (i.e., it's not a reflection on you).

You may be dissociating, sure. But you may just be really lucky or really strong.

Cyran0

[Justgiving]

" i feel sick for not being horrified about it and feel somewhat dirty or tainted. "

Please do not judge yourself so harshly. Everyone cope or deal with a trauma differently. Your feelings are your feelings and there is nothing wrong with it.