[Sprite]

At this point in my life I really feel a need to get the bad thing from my past out in the open. My first memories as a child were being taken to my father’s girlfriend’s house and her spanking me. I didn’t know until later that this lady was my father’s mistress. My next memories are when my father lost his job after 20 + years and never told anyone. Eventually they repossessed our house and we had no place to go. During this time my father left and went to another state. My mother did what she had to do and got multiple jobs and sold her blood and everything of value we had to find us a place to stay. My father was long gone for the time being. We went from living in a nice brand new house into a water damaged mobile home that I, my sister and my mom shared one bed. My mother would take us around and get money and other donation from local charity’s to help feed us. I remember one Christmas that my mother couldn’t afford to buy us anything but luckily we had good friends that got us stuff. But we had no heat in our trailer so we went without my grandmothers knowledge and stayed at her house where there was just for Christmas. Who knew such a little thing as heat would make a Christmas so special. During this I was battling going to school everyday and being picked on by the other kids. I was very small for my age and being moved into a new school after losing our house I had no friends. My mother being such a great person would send my father money who was continuously lying to her telling her that he was finding a job and would bring us to wherever he was at the time. She would work extra and sell more of her stuff to do this for him. I had my first episodes of feeling anxious and would run away from school and would hide under my bed for security. One episode the school principal came to get me when I didn’t show up for school. I remember hiding under the bed trying to be as quiet as possible so they wouldn’t find me. I finally found a friend around third grade that I finally felt comfortable with. I would spend all the time with his family who treated me as their own and welcomed me anytime. Sometime around ages 10 -13 my sister who is 5 years older hit puberty and became very sexual. During days when my mother was hard at work my sister would make me have what she called pretend sex. She would undress to her underwear and she would make me fondle her and kiss all over her naked body. I would have to kiss and play with her breast and even kiss the outside of her underwear. This would go on almost everyday for a while I cannot even remember how long this lasted. Sometime during this my father came back into my life. He had been gone and while he was gone had made all these promises to the family about how he was going to make things better and move us to another state. None of these things ever happened and I realized later they were all made up anyway. My sister would eventually stop the abuse after she found herself a boyfriend. She dated this guy and moved in with him. I would go visit and during the visits would watch him assault my sister by holding her down and doing sexual acts to her. I was scared to death to do anything and had also been assaulted by this person by being punched and pushed around. I was also told not to tell by my sister because she didn’t want anyone to find out about this. My sister became pregnant and really wanted nothing to do with the child. My mother and I cared for my new niece. I felt like at age 14 to 15 that I had a new child. I basically raised this child while my sister continued to be her old self but I couldn’t even go hang out with friends because I had someone to take care of. Also when my sister had her daughter we had to move again to make room for the addition to the family. Leaving me again to find new friends during the short times I was not caring for my niece. Moving on to middle school and high school I had very bad acne and was overweight I was picked on daily and stayed to myself so I was not made fun of. We were also still very poor and would only have some many clothes and would have to wear the same clothes over and over thus was picked on for not getting new clothes. During my junior and senior year of high school I found new friends, ones that cared for me and understood me. I never blamed my mother for anything that happened in my life. And I never would but my T says that due to my mother being at work all the time that I felt abandoned by both my mother and my father. I never even looked at it that way but I am no expert.That’s my childhood in a brief statement.

Added trigger icon. Christina86

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((Sprite))))))))))))))))

[DePressMe]

Sprite, I am unable to comment on your post at the moment, but I want you to know I read it and I understand much of what you have experienced. Hopefully, I will be able to write more tonight. Thanks for trusting us enough to share your story.

[Razzleberry]

Wow, Sprite, I am so sorry for everything you have suffered thru.

[Troy]

Sprite...we understand you and are your friends. I can see why there is some anxiety in today's life with the responsibilities you have. I'm glad you found this place and that we've met. Maybe this is a way for you to avoid some of the others actions you mentioned earlier. I don't know about you, but it has helped me .... now 98 days avoiding the inappropriate actions and web sites.
Thanks for all the help you've been. You're making a difference.
Troy

[StarPonysMama]

(((((((((SPRITE))))))))))))))))

WOW

I see some reflection of my own childhood in your post. It is rare that I have found someone who has the upper middle class lifestyle then dumped into poverty.

I remember living and wanting for nothing until the age of 11 - when my great grandmother died. My grandmother was an alcoholic and my mother was out of her career due to carpal tunnel syndrome.

She had to reeducate herself. So she worked two jobs and went to school full time(mind you this is after my grandmother comitted suicide). At the ripe age of 12 I began to raise myself and I was terrified of staying home alone (in yes, a run down mobile home) way out in the DARK country.

Know that you are not the only one out there. I never suffered sexual abuse in the way you did but I have experienced it.

My heart truly goes out to you. You will find so many understanding people here at PC. They are a unique and welcoming group. Please continue to join us in your healing. We are here for you!!!!!!

[Typo]

((Sprite))

[Cyran0]

sprite, what can I possibly say that would make any difference? What could I say that would be anything but shallow and trivial? What you suffered through, alone in your anguish, is too tragic to treat with anything but a sorrowful acknowledgement of your pain. And even that seems inadequate.

I hope you find some solace in the fact that so many of us here can relate to parts of your story. We each have our own histories, our own pain, but we also see reflections of ourselves in the naked words others leave here. Sometimes the stories are worse, sometimes they're not. But we are all marked with scars that nobody else can see. And through the compassion we feel for others, we heal ourselves.

I'm so sorry for how you had to grow up and I hope you find the peace we all are working so hard for.

Cyran0

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Sprite)))))))))))) I'm so sorry you've gone through so much.

[Blue93]

Very well done for sharing this!

I understand some of the things you are sharing
like being picked on for not getting new clothes and shoes and stuff even when the holes fall into them
booze was more important so thats where lots of the money went to
Also I did have some friends but now that me and my brother moved into fostercare with new schools every few months not anymore

Hope it helped/helps you to share this like sharing our stories helped for so many other people on pc.

Blue

[Junerain]

Sprite, I agree anything trivial written after such a telling true story would take away the profoundness of it all................

We all have our stories, some sad, some happy, some, a combination of both, much like life, itself....

I experienced the opposite....I'm from a very rich background yet the critical, snobby, judgmental, cold, elitist, feelings don't count atmosphere I grew up, has caused many stories that I've shared here too, worse in some ways....

I guess money doesn't truly matter in the end......you can't take it with you when go to heaven anyway...........if you get in......

[clskrock]

Thank you for sharing your story Sprite.

I hope your future is brighter than your past.

Dennis

[Sprite]

Thanks Everyone for their support. I have been going back and forth about this in my head. Should I confront my sister about my childhood abuse. What is everyones opinion?

[Junerain]

I think you should confront only if you are realistic about her denial, apathy, or anger that may come from her..........when I confront people that have verbally abused me.....it seems like they should at least say ' I'm sorry..' yet I never get that..........

you're so brave to share this story. I know how hard it is to get things out, but is one step towards healing .... so sorry this happened to you, lots of this story i can identfy with. i wish you the best in all you do, this may not help but my mother was one of my abusers and she is out of my life now, only after she had the opportunity to give me some answers and i never heard from her .... it's your decision on whether you confront her, please make sure you are in a good place yourself if and when you do .... take care, you sound like a strong person, these things make us who we are, usually stronger and more compassionate towards others.

love, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Cyran0]

Sprite, I think it's important to understand why you're confronting an abuser before you go ahead with it. Because make no mistake, there will be consequences to doing it and you need to be sure it's worth the sacrifice.

The two best reasons I can think of to confront an abuser is to either keep yourself (or those you care about) safe or to facilitate your own healing.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Cyran0

[deki88]

thanks for trusting us enough to be able to open up like this. sorry you had to expirience this during your childhood. hope your doing ok