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  #1  
Old Apr 28, 2008, 04:15 PM
freewill
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you gave me no choice... I was a child... a 2 year old.. when you hurt me... you gave me no choice.. and.. I hate you...

you... did not care... that you shattered my mind.. into pieces... when you beat my body... when you locked me in closets...when you pulled me underwater in the bathtub...nor.. did you care when you later sexually abused me...

I live life.. as an adult.. as a DIDer... trying to decide.. day after day after day... shall I make this day the last...

THAT... is your legacy.... giving me every day of my life.. as long as I can remember from childhood on... making "the choice"... to remain on this earth... one more second.. one more minute.. one more hour.. one more day..

the pain... of making "the choice"... each and every day.. is a "living hell"....

you said: "sorry, if I could live my life over, I would have done things differently"....

and... me... as much as I hate you.. I pray that you are in heaven.. and not experiencing.. the "living hell that I have on this earth"...

I do not have to die.. to experience hell - I am already there...

May God have mercy on your soul....

And.. I am glad I am not God.. because I do not have to decide.. to give you mercy or not....

Because... "the choice"... of that... would also be a "living hell"...

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  #2  
Old Apr 28, 2008, 07:11 PM
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Christina86 Christina86 is offline
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((((((((((freewill))))))))))))))))
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"the choice" ....  very, very triggering...
  #3  
Old Apr 28, 2008, 07:17 PM
RozG RozG is offline
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((((((((freewill))))))))

in your post you said:

"trying to decide.. day after day after day... shall I make this day the last..."

if you choose to make it the last day you've let that b*sr*rd win and you know it as well as I do.

keep living your life and keep fighting to make it good and happy then you've spited that b*st*rd coz he wanted the opposite!!!

lots of love, hugs, peace and good wishes to you ((((((((freewill))))))))

"the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering...
  #4  
Old Apr 28, 2008, 07:21 PM
Griffe
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I wish I could take your pain away.
((( Freewill ))) Safe hugs if you want them.
  #5  
Old Apr 28, 2008, 07:24 PM
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Cthomas Cthomas is offline
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Keep holding on.

Sending safe hugs
Colleen
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Tomorrow always has the potential to be better than today.

lets pretend its tomorrow...ok?
  #6  
Old Apr 28, 2008, 10:22 PM
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sarahlilianne sarahlilianne is offline
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((((((((((freewill)))))))))))))))) "the choice" ....  very, very triggering...
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  #7  
Old Apr 28, 2008, 10:31 PM
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bchlyn bchlyn is offline
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(((((freewill)))))) i am really glad that you chose to keep fighting today... not to make it your last...i care... and understand... please take gentle care... lyn
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one could do worse then be a swinger of birches.
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  #8  
Old Apr 29, 2008, 12:27 AM
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mountainstream mountainstream is offline
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((((((((((freewill)))))))))))
I'm glad you've made the choice today to live.... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering...
  #9  
Old Apr 29, 2008, 09:21 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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(((((((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))))))))
"the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering... "the choice" ....  very, very triggering...
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  #10  
Old May 10, 2008, 11:02 AM
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ThePainNeverDies ThePainNeverDies is offline
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I'm glad that you want to fight it, i have been through the same as you and it is a very difficult thing to deal with because you don't know what to do..

But, my advice is that you really need to realise A. that it's not your fault at all and B. that he has ruined what you had and you can never forgive him for treating you so badly. Don't let him win, you are strong enough to fight through this and let him lose, because you were the one who didn't understand, he knew he was doing wrong, he's trying to make you guilty by saying he'd have done it differently if he could live his life over. You've got to think, well he had his chance and he's ruined it.

I hope this helps

x
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Let those who try to destroy you, destroy only themselves with their efforts...
  #11  
Old May 18, 2008, 01:52 PM
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River2008 River2008 is offline
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I go on binges like "the choice". I read a book long ago called, "I'll do it tomorrow," and she too was dealing with "the choice" on a deep level many days of her life.

I'm somewhat in that space now. And even if I pay lip-service to it, I still say it today, even though I know that once I get through this, it'll be the one thing that pulled me through.

River
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"All of our children are prey. How do we raise them not to prey upon themselves and each other? And this is why we cannot be silent, because our silences will come to testify against us out of the mouths of our children."
Audre Lorde
  #12  
Old May 18, 2008, 04:02 PM
Boskid Boskid is offline
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I feel your pain,

Boskid.
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