I am freewill's alter...

The therapist... I do not count him as "my" therapist.. always.. tells the other alters to "control" me..

He doesn't understand... that if I hurt myself enough ... that the pain on the inside will go away... I cut my feet.. the other alters won't let me cut my arms... but if they did.. I could make my inside pain go away....

Why do they not understand this????? if I hurt myself enough.. the pain on the inside will go away....don't they want to be out of pain???

Please explain to the other alters.. that the only way to make the pain go away is to cut me...

[(JD)]

(safe) Hi there. I think they do understand that you do this to help...but they found a better way to get rid of the pain, and don't need the cutting any more. They still need you, though. You can have another way to help them, if you wish. You can also learn a better way to make your pain go away, but it will take courage...to talk to the therapist.

you understand....

I guess.. I just wanted to be heard... you know...

the cutting... I know I need to stop... cause... I guess to make the pain go away.. I would have to cut deep enough to kill me.. and the other alters won't let me do that...

I see my pain.... as like a "rotten" spot in an apple or pototatoe.. like I could just cut the "spot" out .. to scoop it out...and then it would be all better...cause it would be gone...

my alters say that doesn't work....

I talked to my T.. and he said it doesn't work that way... so maybe I have to believe him...

[pachyderm]

I'm not multiple (I think!) but I sometimes feel as though I need bad punishment. And when I think about it I think that maybe I feel that that is the only way to get approval: to punish myself badly, badly, so that I can get approval from the one who hates me.

Sorry if this is irrelevant or does not make sense.