[Lexicon78]

My T gave me some homework to do and I'm a mess about it. I was supposed to write about the topic of sex. I was ok in the beginning, but then I started writing about the male and female aspects of sex. I wrote that men just use their bodies to hurt me (my experiences prompted that). I just lost it after that. I don't understand why the men I meet do that to me. I can't look at a man's naked body and find it attractive...I find it rather repulsive and this makes me sick to my stomach. I know it's from all the sexual abuse I've received, but it's interfering with my life...especially when my boyfriend keeps pressuring me to have sex with him. I have to keep telling him I'm not ready. I don't think I'll ever be ready.

I don't mean to offend anyone by this post...just feeling very bad about all of this.