Homework for T?

I have a new T and he doesn't get that I can't do homework in the beginning of a professional relationship. It took over a year before I would consent to the same with my last T, and I still ended up not completing the assignment.

I was thinking of a new twist on things. Perhaps, when I see him Tuesday and he asks yet again if I have started the homework assignment, I can say "No, but I have some homework for you". Hmm, what sort of homework would I assign?

Any and all thoughts/opinions/suggestions are welcome.

Assign him to write a poem!

I think I would assign my T to get a good night's sleep the night before my session. I am often at the end of his long day, and I think sometimes he is tired. (He can stay up late the nights before those other clients' sessions.)

mybestkids2, do you think it is important to have homework assignments with your new T? It kind of sounds like your T is a school teacher, starting off the session asking if you have done your homework or not. If your new T doesn't understand that you're reluctant to do homework until you know him better, could you tell him directly? Might be a good discussion there and help you two build your alliance.

What is an example of the kind of homework you are assigned?

tulips

hey. i'm not much into homework either. basically... the idea is that... there isn't always good generalizability to people doing certain things in therapy, to doing them outside therapy. homework can be a way to get those new skills to generalize. it is meant to be a way of helping you. but htat being said, i'm not a fan of formal homework.

could you talk to your therapist about how you feel about homework? tell them why you feel so reluctant to do it, let them explain why they are so keen for you to do it, maybe come to some sort of a comprimise??

Thanks all for your valuable input!

As far as the poem, he doesn't seem to be the creative type. He assigned the typical new T homework "List goals that you wish to attain in therapy". My therapy, at this point in time, (heck for the past 10 years) is not goal specific oriented. I blab about whatever, whenever, and then there are those times when I stare into space for 45 minutes.

I have made him VERY aware that I do NOT have specific goals, and then he ho hummed "Well, I have found that the TYPICAL client finds it very useful,,,,blah blah blah". I see him tomorrow and perhaps he got the hint last week, we'll see!

Thanks again all!


Dee

That's why I'd have him do a poem; because it's not something he would want to do or that he'd see the point of, etc. just like you have no interest in listing goals, etc. They just pick things out of books sometimes you'd think, are on autopilot. That being said, I was always jealous because my T never gave homework, I didn't even know the concept until boards like this. Other people would talk about books their T suggested or books they worked through with their T, etc. and I love doing stuff like that but my T and I have totally different tastes and whatever book or movie or thing she'd suggest, I'd run out and buy it and it would be horrible, LOL. I don't think my husband has forgiven her for recommending "Cider House Rules".

ooooooh. you didn't explain that the homework was to come up with goals. if it is one thing i hate more than homework, it is coming up with goals. how unfair of him to set you coming up with goals as homework!

seriously, though (though that was serious enough) i have a lot of sympathy for the absence of goals thing. my current therapist went through a period of wanting me to set goals... but he gave up on that eventually, after he could see how upsetting it was to me.

could you talk to your therapist about why you don't want to have goals?

it might be... that you do have goals. it is just a resistence to formalising them? i mean... i ended up muttering something about wanting to feel happier and be a bit sronger as a person... freak out a little less... be more productive. but explained that i didn't want to 'attack' anything directly. he was cool with that. mayeb your therapist would be okay with something along those lines too?

At my current therapy clinic they wanted us to come up with goals too -- but at least they let us choose our own. I came up with one that I thought they would refuse to consider, since it seemed to be quite unconventional, but they did not reject it. The main goal I stated was for me to become more able to tell when something was safe and when it was not. It was a real goal for me and not something I came up with to satisfy the goal of having a goal.

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mybestkids2 said:
"List goals that you wish to attain in therapy".

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Ahhh, I see. Why do you have to do that as written homework? I would rebel against that too. Why can't you guys just discuss that topic for a few minutes at your next session instead of making this big homework deal out of it? Can you tell him "great topic, let's discuss--if you want to have a written record, please feel free to take notes"? I think goals can be pretty amorphous, such as "I want to understand myself better" or "I want my relationships with people to improve" or "I want to be happier in life" or "I want to heal." Or maybe you could just say, "I'm not sure, let's explore that in session."

I am not a "list my goals out on paper" sort of person either so I sympathize!

Homework, written contracts, distortions in therapy...it can all be exhausting.

Why can't therapy be less mysterious? I once saw an ad for a therapist who doesn't take insurance. It said therapy shouldn't be a mystery and I value the uniqueness in you...

Goals are yours to think about and not for him to make a big deal out of as homework.

If my T assigned "homework" I would make my "homework" finding another T.

All such wonderful and thoughtful replies, thanks a ton!

Wouldn't you know it, he had an emergency, and our appointment is cancelled for tomorrow. Guess he knew I had a few PC printouts to hand him



Dee