i have to write this i am in a very bad place. not many understand i dont think. its ok to post her because i am a survivor or trying to be. Does anyone else suffer when someone leaves, like a member of the family. It hurts so bad that my family is apart even though i have had days when my kids aggrevate ..... i didn't realise Dani going away would be so traumaatic. i have to be strong and i am proud of her for doing this and i love her more than anything but this is my first orn child leaving home, maybe to never live with us again properly .... feel so ...... deep deep sorrow....... feel like i'm on the edge .... i have no .... control is the wrong word ... i cant keep her safe any more..... she is a woman and i feel like my heart is breaking in two .... please try and understand i thnk i am feeling this way because i am so insecure and i have always protected her and now i cant and i'm scared someone will take advantage of her ..... i wont be there for her like my mum wasn't for me ..... i cant bear not being there if she is sad or lonely or unsafe ..... i cant cope with these terrible feelings....... i think i am losing it ....... it's not even been a day ...... i cant see to write anymore

j

[crazy1]

I have a lot of anxiety when people leave. Even when they leave for a day or to and no one understands that but I do and I know now that it is old stuff being triggered. The more I try to reach out and work through the abandoment ******** the better i get. My daughter just moved out and i was worried but she is the happiest I've ever seen her. She has found people that she can talk to and support her in ways that I couldn't because i didn't know how. There is a plan for her and she is being looked after. I don't know is you pray but I ask God to watch over her and give her what she needs. She is doing what she is supposed to do find her own life find what she believes ect.

[Kiya]

hugs! Take comfort in that response. and leave your heart open so that if/when she needs you, you are right there for her.

kiya

oh.. sweetie... I know the feeling so well... my heart "ripped" in two.. when my son moved out... and for me.. it too was "how am I going to keep him safe"... it's been a few years... and.. I realized.. that he really is a "self sufficient" adult... and your daugther is too - because you raised her.. you gave her skills to handle what may come up...

and missing her.. yes... phones.. and computers help... and then... as time goes on... maybe... hearing about her adventures will help..

But in the meantime... sending loving care too soothe your heart.. and holding you hand.. thru the pain...

[Rapunzel]

It makes sense to feel that way, especially if you struggled when you left home and felt like your mother wasn't there for you. Survivors often go through the old traumas again when their children or someone else close to them is at the same developmental stage. And I think that letting go of your first and your last child is recognized as being pretty hard for parents anyway.

This is different from when you left home though. You aren't your mum and your daughter isn't you. You can be there for her and also allow her to be strong on her own. Take your lead from her now, but let her know that you love her and still want to be there for her when she needs you.

I haven't had a child leave home yet (my oldest is 16), but I remember when I left home all too well. I was the oldest, and my mother didn't know how to let go, so it was a battle to break free, with abandonment as the result. Leavings can be very traumatic, but they don't have to be. You can leave the door open.

[MINIME]

My kids are young still, but when they leave to spend the night somewhere I feel freaked out. I cant imagine them moving out. All I can say is that time might make it a little easier. Im here for you. Hang in there.

thankyou ...... she does know my door is always open ...... she can come home whenever she wants orneeds to ..... i tried not to cry when she left ....but i did ......and never stoped all day ..... ty for listening and replying .....it means so much

jx

[bchlyn]

you know i think the hardest part of having adult children is the change in the role... i tell my t often that i have to get to the place where i can deal with the fact that "they are going to do what they are going to do... and there is nothing i can do about it" i know the hardest thing for me is not being able to keep my boys safe... when they were little it was so much a part of our relationship... that it kind of over shadowed everything... i am not talking about being over protective... although i was at times... but more the everyday things ... you know?... now that they are adults we don't have that... i am looking forward to the day... when we can have a balanced relationship... of being adults... lyn