I can't get the picture of my little brother out of my head.

I gave him a name, I mourned him, I tried so much to get that awful image of him dead out of my head but it won't go away. And my dad standing there laughing. It's probably my fault he died too.

My dad saying I'm bad and dirty, that I wanted it, that it was my fault. I get the feeling that I could have run away or something and I didn't and I didn't do enough to stop any of them so this is all my fault.

I can feel them doing it, I can feel it when he took a branding iron and shoved it on my skin, the burning and the pain and I need to numb that out. I can feel everything they did and I can see my little brother and see them hurting me too. How bad I want to just rip these stitches in my neck out sometimes.

And the guilt I get for it being my fault that makes me feel obligated to visit my half-brother in jail. I'm so stupid. You'll be safe now. What $%^^&. I'm never safe. I'm "free" from one abuser and something else happens. Life is just a cycle of me being abused over and over again, and it's not like I'm ever "free" from what they did to me. No wonder I have alts who are so eager to end it.

[katheryn]

grief i am sorry you are having a tough time at the moment i hope this eases, it was never your fault that ppl abused it wasnt your fault your brother died

((((((((griffe))))))))))))))) you matter

[Blue93]

(((((((((((((((((((vince)))))))))))))) knowing there aint really words we can say to cure you.. as much as we wish, i just want to say I care and i know with me many more!