[DontSayIt]

I've been in a relationship with a survivor of childhood abuse for about three years. We have had ups and downs, luckily we do care about each other very much and we are both in it for the long haul. There are a lot of situations I've learned to handle in a way that we are both happy with. However, there are other issues that I don't know what to do about. He sometimes can't help but allow people to take advantage of him and it ends up driving him crazy. It drives me a little nuts too, but he doesn't usually take my advice before it gets to that point or even after. I don't throw on guilt or "I told you so" because there isn't any point. I don't think that if I get upset it will do any good. When it hits the fan all I can do is be supportive, loving, and positive. We can't afford therapy right now, I'm looking for advice as to how to help him stand up for himself before it's too late. What else can I do?

Thanks to All

-Just thinking about it for a bit. I can change the way I give advice and try not to get emotional...

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((DontSayIt))))))))))))))))

Does he have a therapist or another professional to talk to? It's common to not have boundaries and not really be confident or assertive because of abuse sometimes. I wish I knew what to say to help, but all I can say is I'm very glad that he has such a wonderful partner because you're trying to be supportive, and sometimes that's all we can really do.

Welcome to PC.

Edit: Whoops. I didn't see about the part about being unable to afford therapy right now (sorry!) Just so you know, there are usually low-cost options available for counselling, either through schools (people going for their certification) or for people with lower-incomes (sliding scale fees). If not that... there are a lot of books in a bookstore on healing from childhood abuse, as well as how to be assertive and to take back your life. I'll try to get back to you with some titles as ideas.

[DontSayIt]

Thanks for the support! He's a fantastic guy and I love him a lot, he deserves props for healing himself as much as he has and being able to trust me.

I'll look into therapy at a lower cost and books for he and I also, of course suggestions would be appreciated.

I'm glad to have found a place to talk about real issues and gain support while still maintaining privacy