but... it does...

the waste... that has been my life.....how many times... can I say it.. how many times.. can I feel it...

"get over it"... the message... gotten... and should.. by now.. be received.. yet... here I am... in pain...

can I... do nothing right???

The most painful part of all.... all I had to do is walk out the door... I loved him so very much... and I was a nothing... a mealticket.. a piece of "xxx" to him... my husband..

He didn't love me...he never loved me....

Yet he didn't want anyone else to have me either...

My heart shattered... into pieces... by the decision to leave him... his heart... intact....

Yet.... the aggression... the hiding I had to do.. the stalking.... what was that.....I ask myself... what was that??????

sleeping.. with a knife.. under my pillow... fearing.. listening for the door to be broken down.. what was that...never... really sleeping.. waiting.. for the crash... that always came.. with the door being broken down....

what was... it.. when he shot.. out the picture.. window.. of his ex-wifes..house.. what was that???? slashed her tires... what was that???

My adult son... if I told him... How.. his father was... 24 years ago.. would not believe me... would... blame me...

Yet.. I could provide... past girlfriends.. of my ex.. a past wife.. and they would tell him.....

so bizzare... to sit... at a table.. with a man.. that battered me.... with his former wife.. who was battered by him.. and by his adult daughter... who's ankle he broke... celebrating her wedding... making small talk... so civil... what... was that??????????????

what... is the reality?????

would you sit at a table... of a person... that had beat you... to a pulp??? yet.. there we were... the three of us.... sitting at a table... making small talk.. with the person... who.. beat us...

And... that.. was the expectation.... the Message - we.. the women.. didn't count.. it was OK... to beat on us.....

and... this.... all these memories... triggered... by my son... choosing my ex.... my heart shattered.. my son's... intact...

why... do I not.. learn??

why... am I so very stupid...

I am losing days at a time now... DIDing.... hiding from the pain.......

You are not stupid
Even though I don't know the situation, I can't believe your son would chose your ex over you.

[bchlyn]

((((((freewill)))))) if your son is like mine....you are your son's safe parent... the parent he can unleash his feelings on and know that you will always love him... even if your son believes your ex's lies... you know the truth... and the truth is the truth... your ex is counting on the fact that you won't tell your son, because you don't want to hurt him... your not stupid... you are a wonderful caring parent... and nothing hurts more then when our kids treat us badly...i am sorry that your going through this.
lyn