What is it with me?

ok i'm a bit worried about posting this coz some folks might take it the wrong way...advance apologies if anybody does.

i'm kinda confused about my attitudes towards men here and it may stem from a life time of abuse or maybe i'm just messed up? IDK

one thing i can't stand with men is if they show any signs of dependancy, neediness or weakness. i looked after men in my life...and everybody else...from 2 years old to 39 years old and i just don't want to be in a relationship where i end up having to do that any more.

at the same time i wouldn't want to be with a man who is a bully or a control freak.

so where's the middle road...or am i just being unrealistic in expecting there is one?

I think you are being "you" and there is nothing wrong with that


Dee

I think there is a happy medium somewhere, but it would be hard to find a man who was right in the middle all the time. I think most people (men included) have times when they are more needy and time when they can be more in control.

My H happens to be the 'in control' type most of the time, and I think maybe I do get a little irritated when he shows his needy side. But he is only human and all humans are needy at one point or another. It is really hard for me to help him, because he wants to fix everything himself and won't accept my help, so maybe that is why I don't like when he is needy - b/c I can't do anything for him.

I think your history probably does have an affect on your attitude toward men, but it is really good that you recognize that so you can deal with it more consciously.

Sorry if that was too long and unhelpful.

ktgirl

((((((Dee)))))))) i wish there was nothing wrong with that.

((((ktgirl)))) never too long or unhelpful. i am trying to understand myself as much as the men in my life so all input is helpful ty.

you're explanation has helped me to understand some so thanx for that.

I think there is a happy medium Roz- a guy who can care for himself, and is secure enough in himself that he's happy for you to look after yourself as well, and that only changes when either one needs a bit of extra support.

People will always be 'needy' at times.. we all need that little extra bit of support or looking after. But someone in the middle ground wouldn't be like that all the time.

((((red)))) i understand that...no-one can be secure all the time, no-one should be needy all the time.

i guess i didn't explain this dilemma of mine proper. i am talking about a guy who comes across as NEEDY of me ALL the time but yet must ALWAYS be in control of me and everything around him ALL the time.

is that normal or healthy of him, and is there something wrong with me coz it raises red flags?

and have i explained this right? if not i will give more in-depth detail?

That doesn't sound so good. Sounds like me to be honest.. and from experience I don't think it's so healthy.

Thank You ((red)). As a 41 year old with a 40 year history of abuse...i sadly gotta own i don't know what is healthy or normal. Which is maybe why my IRL friends are so overly-protective of me.

Thank You SO much for your input, it means much.

Hi Roz, yes, there are healthy men out there.....

Where, where, where?

Actually, you have to get to a healthy place to find them and see them...

LOL pachyderm

Oh.... thanks...

((((((((((((( Roz ))))))))))))))

((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))

Roz sometimes I think you are in my head or I am in yours ..... wierd

I identify with a lot of what you say a lot of the time ....

Jin xoxoxoxoo

i think we just have a lot in common hun