[lifeblows]

Almost three years ago I moved to a new place in town and not long after remembered something really weird I had apparently forgotten for years and years. This memory seemed too unreal yet certain other supporting memories began to surface as well. I didn't know what to make of it and finally decided that what I was trying to determine was whether this event was abusive or not. I searched and searched and searched all over the internet. Site after site after site said it was. However, I told myself nah, they don't know my specific situation and if they knew who the abuser was, there's no way it would be considered abuse.

This was driving me freaking crazy as you can imagine and in the meantime I began having to avoid certain activities associated with the memory. A major problem as it's a daily routine thing you cannot avoid. Finally, I drew a picture of this memory and six months later took it into my T. He said I was sexually abused.

At the time, I was still seeing a psychiatrist, so I figured being one of my mental health providers, it might be useful information for him. I showed him the picture, he totally didn't get it and I had to explain what was going on. I won't repeat the specifics of what he said exactly because those might include triggering details, but essentially he said he'd seen & heard worse things and it wasn't that bad because it didn't involve a man.

So now my question is, a psychologist said I was abused, a psychiatrist blew me off about it. Does that mean I was abused or not?
Side note: this took place two years ago and it is still confusing me.

Also, I had a pervert coach in junior high who was actually arrested and I remember all that clearly as I was older. He did stuff to lots of us including me and no one has ever said that was abuse. I don't really understand why as it involved let's just say very inappropiate touching in inappropriate regions.

I still avoid everything associated with the forgotten memory, so it's still causing me problems in a major way plus a bunch of other things I'd rather not get into. The coach memories have been surfacing more vividly and causing me additional problems as well. I don't know what to think since I got two completely differing reactions on the forgotten memory. Was wondering if anyone else has had this experience. Don't know what to make of it.

[multipixie9]

im not a psych anything (except client). but i think your psychiatrist was a jerk. his dismissive attitude was totally lacking in empathy. abuse is or isn't - it is like being pregnant, you can't be a little pregnant.

your life since this happened is the proof. the difficulties, bad memories, psychological discomfort, physical discomfort, pain...

the psychiatrist you went to was a technician, NOT a healer. Pills and a few questions don't make him worth much as far as real healing goes.

ultimately you must choose for yourself - to believe yourself, not the pseudo-expert.

bottom line - are these feelings/memories etc. what YOU would choose for your life....I didn't think so. i believe you were abused.

[Tired12]

Trigger trigger for me. I don't feel good reading this post because it feels to real for me. I would trust your psychologist if you think they know you best. I know I was abused by a coach.

[MINIME]

I cant say what the memory was. I can say that if someone just throws something back in your face like that i would have doubts about his or her ability to treat me. Be careful about this. Go slow and let things evolve if you can. Dont force yourself to remember just find a new T and work on the feelings and the thoughts. ((HUG))

[jacqueline1110]

I went in with something in my early years to a group for survivors of sexual abuse with a friend who was sexually abused. I hadn't been, but wondered because I could relate to my friends symptoms so well if I had blocked something out.

The head therapist there said to me, something I'll never forget, "it doesn't matter if you were or weren't it's how it made you feel" they let me into the group and I got to understand my issues and feelings.

I hope that helps. What do YOU feel about the situation? That's the answer.

There you will take back your power and begin to heal.

[Rapunzel]

I recovered a repressed memory some time ago. It disgusted me, but what I remembered doesn't seem like all that horrible of a thing, especially compared to what other people have been through. When I mentioned it to my T, I said that I had remembered experiencing "some minor sexual abuse." She stopped me right there and explained that there is no such thing as "minor" sexual abuse. It affects you, and you need treatment for what it has done to your life.

Some psychiatrists really don't have what it takes to deal with the real issues people have, and maybe they should stick to dispensing meds. I'd go with what the psychologist said, because generally they are the ones who are trained appropriately to deal with issues like that, and also, more especially, because the psychologist's response seems to resonate more truly with what your real experience is. We have been conditioned not to trust our own feelings. That was abuse too. Trust what you feel. You have been affected by what happened to you.

[lifeblows]

Thanks guys for all the comments and kind words. It's been eating me alive, especially as more & more things surface & I keep being haunted by & seeing more & more things. Hugs to you all.