[NoLeafClover]

I was wondering if anyone who has been abused by a relative still loves that person? Its hard to explain.My grandfather abused me and for years i hated him,and now that hes dead i find myself wishing that i had been closer to him.And I miss him,It feels so wrong but for some reason i feel this way.Anyone else like this?

i love this person... in the way that I care about him. I do not want to be closer (in relationship tho). Whatever your feelings are, they aren't wrong though. Maybe it can help you worth through your issues.

[mortimer]

Sometimes it's hard to separate the person from the monster, but seeing others in a better light helps you see yourself in a better one too. What he did was horrible, but if you can try to look past it and accept him for him, good and bad, it could help you with your own recovery. What my person did was inexcusable, but I try to look at it from the fact he had a hard life, and even if he has made mine hard and there's no excuse for what he did, I can better understand him, and not hate him so much.

Not to say I wouldn't be vicious if I got the chance, but you know.

I guess I'm no help, sorry. I hope you can sort it out though, it's hard to get through, but maybe one day it gets easier. ^_^ I'm sure.

[kimmydawn]

noleafclover,

i think you're entitled and need those feelings whatever they may be. maybe since he's passed, you see his goodness? i just don't know.

i'm sorry i can't relate. my sexual abuser was my older brother who has hurt others and has been mean in his adult life. no, there is no love there for him. i do understand a bit more thru t, and realizing why he hated me so much because of the hardships he went through. but, no, i do not love him or anything about him. he's still mean.

maybe that's why you're able to feel the love? maybe he was good in other areas that you choose to now remember and appreciate? if so, i think that's great and am kinda envious.

good luck hon.

kd

[obsids]

No. I have absolutely nothing in my heart for my uncle other than hatred.

In your situation, however, perhaps you are wishing that your grandfather had been different? Primal bonds are complicated.

[ktp]

That's a tough question.

One of my abusers was a male cousin who was considerably older than I. Actually, my husband and I are both still in contact with him and his wife. He helped my husband get a job and everything. I don't think that the relationship could be closer, but as for him, I've forgiven him and that has made me feel like a better person. Sometimes people change with time and I think that was lashing out and all the issues he had himself.

But that's just one of several..the others I hate with a severe burning rage.

That goes to the differences and degrees of abuse, though.

Hope that made sense,
Kimberly.