[Tmac]

So I have a question I want to put out there. Do you think it is possible to totally heal from abuse? Even with therapy the stuff is still there it happened. Just wonder what others think.

[Blue93]

i dont think it will ever go totally away. I don't think you can heal for the full 100% either... but maybe 80%? or 90%? Or if you only get to 50% or 60% or whatever its still so much better! Seems hard to imagine, that things might get better eventually but usually they will, eventually..

Blue

in my opinion, or at least for me, i don't really think full recovery is possible. it is possible to move on and live a functional, full, happy life and learn how to cope with the past, but nothing will ultimately erase those wounds.

just my two cents though.

[Sannah]

I've never been abused but I healed up pretty good from neglect.

[Blue93]

neglect is just another form of abuse..

[melissa1202]

I don't think you ever heal completely. the abuse and feelings that came from abuse still linger in the back of the mind. I only say this because up till recently I thought I had healed. But found memories ,flashbacks, and and terrors from when it happened to me, so I think they can always resurface. Just learning to deal with those is healing enough for me.

[madisgram]

i believe i am healed from the abuse but i will never forget what it did to me or how it made me feel at the time. a residual of my abuse is ptsd. there are times that loud noises, etc. will trigger that.
what i did do for myself was deal with the gamut of feelings i had with a T. i also said i didn't want to ever be in that position again if i could help it. we worked on how i can identify the "red flags" that abusers send up. it's been very helpful to me to have this invaluable tool to protect myself.

[chaotic13]

I think it will always affect me. But I hope at some point I can accept that it is just one of the MANY things I've experienced that makes me the unique person. I'm making progress. I think what I envison as healing, is possible if I keep working at it.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Blue93

neglect is just another form of abuse..

I hear this a lot. One thing that I see that is different, however, is that neglect is an act of ommission rather than abuse which is an act of commission. I see this is different because to abuse someone is a step further than failing to act and therefore being neglectful. This made a difference for me because abuse makes you more fearful. My parents never said mean words to me or were angry at me and they never hit me. This makes a big difference. It helps you to see the world as less of a scary place I think. (I wasn't physically neglected just emotionally too)

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by Tmac

So I have a question I want to put out there. Do you think it is possible to totally heal from abuse? Even with therapy the stuff is still there it happened. Just wonder what others think.

I think it's possible to heal, maybe not fully. Because yes it's still there. The memories are still there, but when you are healed I suppose the memories won't have much of an impact and won't haunt you so much or cause you to live in fear because you've been able to work through them, you've learned ways to cope and hopefully your day to day living will have improved.

I hear this a lot. One thing that I see that is different, however, is that neglect is an act of ommission rather than abuse which is an act of commission. I see this is different because to abuse someone is a step further than failing to act and therefore being neglectful. This made a difference for me because abuse makes you more fearful. My parents never said mean words to me or were angry at me and they never hit me. This makes a big difference. It helps you to see the world as less of a scary place I think. (I wasn't physically neglected just emotionally too)

T says I grew up in a neglectful home--though I sometimes deny it. I don't know if i consider neglect a from of abuse. No one put a hand on me (not to my recollection) but I feel like I wasnt loved enough--no kisses and cuddle etc. I was often left to my own devices often resulting in injuries because no one was watching me. But I think neglect can make you extremely fearful. I think i am a prime example of that. I think it depends on how bad the neglect is. It can make kids feel like the world is uncaring if their own parents didnt care enough for them to take care of them....and that's huge. I am not going to rattle off topic, just trying to throw my two cents in.

[Sannah]

Hi Life, I love to hear your 2 cents! I guess I brought this up because everyone's experience is different, even 2 siblings that suffer the same will be affected differently because of their own personalities and how it will affect them. I didn't say my neglect didn't leave fear. I learned fear and suffered from anxiety. I just said that abuse leaves more fear. It sounds like you were physically neglected too. This also makes it different. I wasn't physically neglected. We are all individuals with unique experiences. I guess I just don't like to be lumped into a pile or have someone else define my experience. I guess what also occurred with me is that I was emotionally neglected by only one parent. Having one attentive parent gives you more hope.........

[bluenarciss]

I think hoping for the ultimate best (that is feeling as if nothing bad ever happened at all) is unrealistic. And it is always better to set realistic goals.

But at the same time I am convinced that there is enough consolation in the thought that the past no longer dictates over my present. I found that pain recedes if therapy takes its mending and soothing effects. There is something that I would describe as a phase of rage, scorn and hatred, followed by mourning. Mourning clears the foul and painful moods, they become endurable. Farther I have not come yet. But so much I can say.

Best wishes,
bluenarciss

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hi Life, I love to hear your 2 cents! I guess I brought this up because everyone's experience is different, even 2 siblings that suffer the same will be affected differently because of their own personalities and how it will affect them. I didn't say my neglect didn't leave fear. I learned fear and suffered from anxiety. I just said that abuse leaves more fear. It sounds like you were physically neglected too. This also makes it different. I wasn't physically neglected. We are all individuals with unique experiences. I guess I just don't like to be lumped into a pile or have someone else define my experience. I guess what also occurred with me is that I was emotionally neglected by only one parent. Having one attentive parent gives you more hope.........

Sannah, You were lucky you had one attentive parent. My T asked me since I didnt have my parents for support, if there was anyone else outside of my parents that I could've "clung to" or went to for support or for anything I needed. I had to think about that one and I told her no---it was just my me and my twin...I am not sure how i feel about that now that I am sitting here really thinking about it....but I won't try and process that thought on this thread...I dont want to go completely off topic.

[my3sns]

I guess i feel that some of this stuff will be with us forever, things will always remind us , or trigger us .. whatever. , but i also feel like we can get better and move forward .

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

Sannah, You were lucky you had one attentive parent. My T asked me since I didnt have my parents for support, if there was anyone else outside of my parents that I could've "clung to" or went to for support or for anything I needed. I had to think about that one and I told her no---it was just my me and my twin...I am not sure how i feel about that now that I am sitting here really thinking about it....but I won't try and process that thought on this thread...I dont want to go completely off topic.

Life, obviously my "attentive" parent wasn't enough (he had his own issues but I am thankful for what I did get from him). I do hope that you process this thought on another thread.....