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#1
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I am a 20 year old college student. When I was very young an older boy convinced me to do things sexually. I was like 7 to 9 I don't remember exactly. Throughout life I've been depressed and it isn't until college that I've seen a councelor and now I'm on Wellbutrin 300mg.
My problem is I am so afraid of intimate contact. I feel so self conscious. The funny thing is I was very popular in high school and am well liked in college. I am outgoing until it comes to personal relationships with a girl. I am so afraid and I'm not really sure why. I feel like it's because I am afraid of doing something wrong and that the girl may expose me to others as being bad at intimate relationships. I always end up being the "really nice guy" that becomes the "really good friend" and I hate it. I hate that I am so caring about others. I care more about others than I do myself, especially women. I'm so afraid of being alone. I don't know if I can go through life alone. I want a relationship so badly but no matter how hard I try I remain stuck in a shell. I'm so afraid of girls judging my body and disliking it. I guess my question is has anyone gone through the same thing? Am I ever going to get over this. I feel like I am not because I've tried so hard. Please tell me I don't have to be alone my whole life while people around me wonder why I am alone... ![]() ![]() |
#2
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
#3
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Well, like two months ago Istarted seeing my school's councelor but I just can't get up the nerve to talk about it. I think he kind of thinks something like that happened, but as far as what he knows I am seriously depressed, lonely with a low self worth and low self esteem. I keep trying to get up the nerve to tell him but I freeze up. I end up staring at the floor and giving one word answers to his questions. I can't even look him in the eye. Its really frusturating and disheartening. I haven't given up just yet but I feel like I'm close. I feel like this is my last attempt to break out. So far, no luck...
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#4
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like sannah said it will require some work in therapy if that's the road you choose to travel. i want to reassure you that this was done to you, you did not do anything wrong. you were an innocent child.
![]() from my own experiences i can tell u that therapy freed me from bondage of so many feelings i had that kept me held back. there is hope. ![]() ![]() ps ...and welcome to pc!!!
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
#5
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__________________
![]() notz |
#6
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Dan, I hope you are able to let out your secret so that this burden can be lifted from you.........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
#7
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I know what is like....talking is the best thing...may not be easy at first but with time you will see...you will open up. As for the intamancy part that will come with time...I myself am still dealing with that part. Drop a message if you ever want to talk.
swwalsh2003 |
#8
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Hi Dan,
I'm a Mom of 2 girls 7 & 11 and I'm not an expert on raising boys. But I did have 3 brothers, unfortunately 2 have since passed. Two of my brothers were sexually abused by my now deceased uncle- this was 50yrs. ago. One of my brothers who passed this last April died from alcohol poisoning. He struggled all his life with depression from what happened to him as a little boy. You should NOT be ashamed of what happened to you -it was not your fault in any way! You need to share what happened to you with the appropriate people (couselers,doctors, trusted family members). Have you been able to have a sexual relationship with a girl yet? It could be you're struggling with who you feel you should be with and that's okay. There is no doubt that what happened to you as a boy is the reason for your problems now. But the good news is there is an abundance of help and understanding out there- all you have to do is reach for it. You can overcome this and the first step is to tell that trusted someone. Let the burden go and never feel ashamed. You sound like a really nice young man. Since you mentioned that you have established some good freindships maybe you could confide in one of them and tell her exactly how you're feeling. I wish you the best of luck and promise me you will never let what happened to you when you were an innocent boy ruin your life-like what happened to my brother. Be strong you can overcome this! ![]() |
#9
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Perhaps you can print out your messages here and give them to him. It's something I had to do frequently with my therapist when I couldn't bring myself to voice the abuse. Your therapist most likely already knows and is giving you the chance to share whenever you are ready. Male survivors have a rougher time of it in many ways. Many. At one time it was taboo for females to stop keeping secrets, but that has changed so much. Addressing the needs of male survivors is slightly beyond infancy...it's definitely getting better, though. Don't give up. Please. There are many things you can do to get back your "power" and have a measure of peace. It takes time, but it's worth every tear... At some point your anger may surface, too. It's all part of the path of healing...we are never cured, but we do develop ways to handle our feelings. Life can be so much better when you stop keeping the secret about the abuse. Give your therapist a chance to help you. You took a very important step in posting here. Seeking the help of a therapist was also a very important thing to do. Two big steps! Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We Care I Care. My very best wishes, Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
#10
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Thank you all for your comments. All your kind words really mean a lot to me.
madisgram - Conciously I feel like I know it wasn't my fault, but I feel like I act the way I do because subconsciously I feel like it was. I always feel like I have never done anything of any significance. Thats why I do anything anyone asks. That's my own personal analysis of myself anyways. notz - Thanks for the link! I took a quick glance at it. I plan to check it more later. swwalsh2003 - I imagine eventually I will be able to talk with him about it. I'm sorry to hear you suffer the same way. I know how much it sucks. lynn P - I'm sorry to hear about your brother. It hits home because I feel like the same thing could happen to me. I don't drink that much in college, maybe once a week, but I feel like when I am living alone I may end up drinking more and more. Capp - I've actually felt like the only way I accurately and truly express my feelings and thoughts is through my writing. I'm not sure I could physically hand over the paper and wait as he read it though. It might be too much for me. Its interesting that you say it may come out through anger because it has recently. I have a very long fuse, but like 2 weeks ago I lost it and punched out a window. It was real weird and scared me because I felt like I was losing control of myself. Thanks again everyone! Dan |
#11
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Dan,
One of the lingering effects of abuse is we blame ourselves for it but also for most anything else as we grew up... Our abusers wanted us to believe it was our fault; it negated their responsibility for their actions. Sometimes the adults around us knew but did nothing to stop it; another way we assumed we were at fault. My experience in trying to tell my grandmother was this reply; "If you weren't such a bad little girl he wouldn't do it to you." We lose any sense of "power" and feel that we have to do everything for others...a people-pleaser is a coarse way of putting it, but we may not have the self esteem to say No. It comes in time, though. Re the writing. I left it with him then we slowly, very slowly at my comfort level, began to talk about it. At one point, all I could do were sessions of passing notes back and forth! He would ask something and I would either write back a reply or signal him that I needed to stop. Ah the anger. It scared the bejubies out of me at first. In my FOO--Family Of Origin--anger equaled violence. Since having most any feeling was verboten there was a lot of crap building up. Both verbal and physical explosions were frequent and seemed natural to me. It was all I knew; that kind of life was normal to me. At times I felt like one big Raw Nerve walking around... Please do keep posting, Dan. When I first did I felt guilty and ashamed and stupid (for lack of a better word.) Those feelings are the norm whenever we are sharing the secrets... Going from being a keeper of the secrets to letting them out in the open is tough. Here there is anonymity and you control what you say, and you decide who you will become close to--or not. Trust issues are another biggie for us. There is tremendous caring and support here at PC. In this forum, everyone has experienced abuse of one kind or another. You won't be sharing any feeling that will upset us. We've been there and understand... You can always put the trigger icon on your post. Peace and Power, Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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