I just turned 16. Dad had come back into mine and sis's life about 3 years earlier. He was clean and sober, but an angry shell of a man. He would snap at us for the smallest things. I guess I inherited that from him. He had been seeing a VERY kind woman who I love dearly. She had a son so now i get a step mom and a step brother. Dad and Karen (step mom) both smoked like chimneys. They would collect their cig packs for the miles. I was working the evening shift in the summers and one day dad decided to make an early dinner so we could all eat before I had to go to work. We (everyone but dad) were bored so we decided to get out the cig packs, cut out the miles, and go through the catalogues to see what we could get. Which dad was opposed to cause it was a distraction to him. Dad was in the kitchen and had asked us kids to stay out of his way. Karen didn't know this and asked Josh (her son) to go in the kitchen and get another pair of sissors. Of course, Josh did what his momma told him to do. Dad blew a gasket. Karen stepped in and tried to explain but dad wouldn't hear it. Josh and my sis ran screaming into the bedroom while I sat on the couch and began to boil. Dad and Karen kept screaming at each other and finally I had had enough. My turn to step in. I screamed as loud as I could for them to both shut the %#@&#! up. Dad told me that it was none of my business. I informed him that it sure as hell was my business... it was everyone's business. I remember saying "Are you gonna %#@&#! this up like you did with my mother?" I guess that was the wrong thing to say. Next thing I know we're toe to toe and he's out of his mind with rage. He voliently screamed at me to back off and I said not this time. He screamed something that wasn't even english and lunged at me. Grabbed me by the throat, threw me through a table, into the wall, and to the floor where he began choking me. I almost passed out cause I couldn't breathe. For some reason he let go and turned to walk away... and then came back for a second round. There was no sanity in his eyes. Karen threw herself in between two raging bulls... some guts she had. I was pretty much defenseless and she got him off me. I lay there for what seemed like an eternity bleeding and aching all over gasping for air. I finally got up, grabbed my things and screamed a few choice dirty words at him and raged out the door. I was half way to work before I realized that I HAD LEFT MY SISTER THERE!!! Thank God above Karen took her to my mom's work, but I still feel guilty about leaving her there. She was 12 at the time. So there it is.

Ryan

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((((((((Rem))))))))))))))))) You're showing amazing courage letting this out in public. I hope you find healing and relief from letting your story be known.

[MacD]

The man who survives to tell the tale becomes the historian..the guiding light...to everyone to come..you're so very courageous....love ya lots.grace

[SweetCrusader]

(((((((((Ryan))))))))))))

I have no words, but I understand the terror and the sorrow.

[h0kie]

((((((((((Ryan)))))))))) Anger begets anger...the great part about you is, you are trying to stop the cycle. It's a hard thing to do. You are very brave. Be well

[heatherm]

(((((((((Ryan)))))))))))

You are an amazing soul. You are showing such courage and I applaud you. Be proud of yourself.

[nothemama8]

Ryan, you are a very strong person , and you will find the peace you need
Reah

[wisewoman]

You are telling your story with such clarity of mind and even if you are not feeling it as you tell it, i can see the feelings. You saved yourself that night. Your sister was safe. I am sorry for your pain.

[nightdream]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Rem}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

nightdream

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((( ryan ))))))))))))))))))))))))

i have a similar experience in which i left my little brother. the guilt is immense...even tho it worked out alright, i can't cut myself a break on that one. i understand, dear...i understand your pain, guilt, confusion, terror, bewilderment, etc. more than you may know.

i hope we both can "purge" these from our hearts, souls and minds, by bringing them out. you're doing just that! bless your heart. you never cease to amaze me. you're becoming my idol. do you know that? i'm thinking, if ryan can do it, i can too

love ya,

Quit making my eyes leak (((((Kimmy))))). I had no idea that you would understand these things I feel as well as you do. And as far as the idol comment, sweety, that's a 2 way street. I look up to you as so many here do. Thanks a million friend.

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((nightdream))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((Reah))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((heatherm))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((Erin))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((sweetcrusader))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((Grace))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

ty ((((((((((((((((((((silver))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

I usually give a collective thanks when I post something, but after the last post and this one, I felt that each of you should know how much I appreciate your support. Thank you guys for everything. Even though I don't remember much from my childhood, I'm sure that these two abuse posts are the only things I have to get off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Ry

[phoenix30]

You're so incredibly brave Ryan... Thankyou for sharing your story. I know just how hard it must be for you to think about those times, sort through the memories and put them down in words... I hope that one day I can be as brave.

Wish you well (((((Ryan)))))

Phoeniz, thank you for your kind words. I believe you have a brave soul as well, and we're here with open ears when you're ready to talk. Blessed be my friend.