[thunderbear]

I know I have been posting alot but I have been having a hard time with things for a couple of weeks. And it feels better to put my feelings down on here than to talk about them to someone face to face. But that's my problem. I want to talk to my husband or my sister about my feelings on things that hve happened. But my husband came from a good home his mamaw and papaw raised him but they were good parents to him. My sister of course had the same childhood I had. Our step dad was abusive and he was aheroin addict. He was a good dad sometimes, he would take us fishing and play video games with us but he was violent most of the time and we were scared to come home sometimes from school. He sexually abused my sister. I guess when he did that he injured her so bad that she is unable to have children. He hit me so hard once toward the end of his and mammas divorce, that he made my ear bleed. That was the day I hit back. I got him in the floor and did'nt stop kicking him. My mom got scared and left accidently leaving me there alone with him. So I ran to the nieghbors and they took me to my uncles where my mom was. I wish I could talk about those things and my feelings to people irl but I have trouble even telling a psych doc. I don't remember what of it happened or what of it I was scared would happn but did'nt. I feel alone. I tried to talk to my sister about it but she shrugs it off and says things like " yeah they were unhappy times were'nt they?" but then she drops it. I want to talk o my husband about it but he does'nt understand why someone would do that to kids or why my mom did'nt just leave when it started ( i think I was 5 or 6 when it started and about 12 when she left him that day)
things I don;t know or understand myself. All of this stuff has just come about in the past 3 years when I got compleatly sober off of everthing and it was about the time I opened up to a counseler about it. I don't know mabye all that combined triggered what I have been feeling for 3 years. I don't know. I wish I could find a sweat lodge and a medicine man here where I live but i don't know of any sweat lodges out here

[Junerain]

I read your post, I really feel for you..you at least wrote it here...if it is too much to actually tell someone, you could show what you wrote here, print it out and just show someone, perhaps a female Pdoc, someone gentle and understanding, for the hurt you are carrying is too much to bear, to live with, to feel, for any one soul..I have the same hurt only I talk about it constantly, it frees me..that way I feel as if I have no shameful secret eating me up inside..therapists and Pdoc's can be pretty understanding, if you find the right one...please search..and let us know...you are cared for, here

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by thunderbear

I know I have been posting alot but I have been having a hard time with things for a couple of weeks. And it feels better to put my feelings down on here than to talk about them to someone face to face. But that's my problem. I want to talk to my husband or my sister about my feelings on things that hve happened. But my husband came from a good home his mamaw and papaw raised him but they were good parents to him. My sister of course had the same childhood I had. Our step dad was abusive and he was aheroin addict. He was a good dad sometimes, he would take us fishing and play video games with us but he was violent most of the time and we were scared to come home sometimes from school. He sexually abused my sister. I guess when he did that he injured her so bad that she is unable to have children. He hit me so hard once toward the end of his and mammas divorce, that he made my ear bleed. That was the day I hit back. I got him in the floor and did'nt stop kicking him. My mom got scared and left accidently leaving me there alone with him. So I ran to the nieghbors and they took me to my uncles where my mom was. I wish I could talk about those things and my feelings to people irl but I have trouble even telling a psych doc. I don't remember what of it happened or what of it I was scared would happn but did'nt. I feel alone. I tried to talk to my sister about it but she shrugs it off and says things like " yeah they were unhappy times were'nt they?" but then she drops it. I want to talk o my husband about it but he does'nt understand why someone would do that to kids or why my mom did'nt just leave when it started ( i think I was 5 or 6 when it started and about 12 when she left him that day)
things I don't know or understand myself. All of this stuff has just come about in the past 3 years when I got compleatly sober off of everthing and it was about the time I opened up to a counseler about it. I don't know mabye all that combined triggered what I have been feeling for 3 years. I don't know. I wish I could find a sweat lodge and a medicine man here where I live but i don't know of any sweat lodges out here

Hey thunderbear. I've been reading your post but I don't always respond unless I feel I have something that may be of use. I see your situation as having the potential to work really well for you, if you can accept that no one of your outlet's or supports will have the perfect answer but instead take bits & pieces from all.

I like many others here can relate to the hardships of your life. I always hesitate to say to a degree though because I don't feel anyone can completely relate even if they had the exact same experiences because we are all unique. My wife, like your husband came from a stable upbringing & cannot completely understand my upbringing as a result.

Think of it this way. You husband while not being able to completely emotionally relate, what you can get from him is exposure to the way things are suppose to work so that you have an "end game" point in your mind of what to shoot for.

Your sister, knows first hand the experiences you went through which if you allow yourself too can fill that need of a shared understanding. Even if the uniquness of you 2 as individuals limits a completely open communication.

Your therapists & counselor's can fill that void of helping you understand scientifically what is occuring.

And the online community can help you get to the point to where you feel comfortable enough to say the things you would like to say in person but can't bring yourself to share yet.

Don't stress about how much you post here. I've been posting like crazy here since I joined on April fools day, also often even repeatedly mentioning many of my own issues. This is what this place is made for so try to feel at ease.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by Junerain

I read your post, I really feel for you..you at least wrote it here...if it is too much to actually tell someone, you could show what you wrote here, print it out and just show someone, perhaps a female Pdoc, someone gentle and understanding, for the hurt you are carrying is too much to bear, to live with, to feel, for any one soul..I have the same hurt only I talk about it constantly, it frees me..that way I feel as if I have no shameful secret eating me up inside..therapists and Pdoc's can be pretty understanding, if you find the right one...please search..and let us know...you are cared for, here

Junerain, I like your idea of printing out what you can't say. Sometimes when my wife is pushing me to say something or for an answer, it's in my head but I get this knot in my throat & can't physically verbalize it...maybe I will try that. I also use what I post here to analyze myself at a later time.

[Pomegranate]

(((thunderbear)))

I think I understand your unhappiness about not being able to talk with your sister or husband about what happened to you. And what happened to you was horrible.

Your sister may not want to, may not be ready to, talk about the past. That is why she changes the subject. You need to talk about. She needs to not talk about it. That is sad.

It sounds like you do talk to your husband but he is not able to give you the feeling that he truly understands what you feel and what you went through. That's sad too. Keep posting here. I find it helpful, I've found others who do truly understand what I've been through and it does help me sort out and talk about things irl. It helps decide who I should talk to, or should NOT talk to even though I may want to. It helps me know what is safe to say, and what person is safe to say it to. I hope that you experience the same thing here.