[Tmac]

My abuser, my brother is in bad shape and they don't think he will make it. Besides hating life right now I hate myself for thinking i want my brother dead. I know his dying wont change the past. Hehas 3 little girls that need him I and not seen or spoke to him in over 10 years. Seeing him is triggering a lot of what happened. I want to forgive him but cant. I dont even know what else to say at this point i just cant deal.

[Luce]

You feel what you feel, hun. Right now your brother is in bad shape, they don't know if he will make it or not, it triggers you to see him, and you want to forgive him but you can't right now. Maybe one day you will be able to... and maybe you won't.

It's okay. You are where you are, and you feel what you feel, and it's okay.

Take good gentle care of yourself during this triggering time, eh?

[skeksi]

Luce gave some really excellent advice. It's okay, what you fell--it makes sense. You're not a bad person for feeling what you feel. What a confusing situation you are in.

Be gentle with yourself, okay?

[my3sns]

I dont think it makes you a bad person , i think it makes you normal . I too struggled with this when my abuser was dying 3 yrs ago , and sometimes still do . I think its normal though to be very conflicted.