sick and tired of being sick and tired

Hi there. I posted a few days ago about how deep I am into my substance abuse. I am really tired of it myself but can't seem to stop. My husband doesn't even want to be around me anymore. We are separated and have been for a long time but now he doesn't want to spend any time with me. I have tried AA so many times and I still can't get sober or stay sober. I feel hopeless. I believe in the AA program and the big book and I know it works because I've done it before and have seen people do it, but I feel my brain is too far gone. I am just really depressed right now. I have every reason to get sober and yet I keep using. I can't stand the withdraws so I keep using. My mind, body, spirit is tired. I am Bipolar and I think it makes it worse. I feel like that type of alcoholic that the big book talks about "The Manic Depressive" on which a whole chapter could be written. I almost wish I would have cancer. I know that sounds horrible but that is how hopeless I feel. At least cancer isnt your fault. Anyway, I guess I am just venting. Thanks for listening.

If you have means, a full in house dual diag treatment for 4-6 weeks can work wonders!

Do you seek sponsorship and work steps? Just keep trying!

moogs

Yes, if you can do inpatient treatment for at least 4 weeks or longer it would turn your life around. You would have 24/7 medical attention for withdrawls, counselors to talk to, peers to talk with, meetings to pace yourself and your progress. It would work a miracle in your life and i pray that you are able to do this. You are beyond doing anything yourself anymore. You need to reach out for help and let others help you back onto the road of recovery. Blessings and tc