[Sam_Spade]

When I first got sober, I went to every meeting that I could. At least one meeting a day and more often than not 2 or 3. Mostly went just to replace the time that I spent thinking about drinking by thinking about not drinking. The thing is that I never was a "good" AA person. Maybe it is social anxiety or something, but I'd always sit in the back of the room and try not to say much. I'd be polite when people offered me their phone number, but generally kept to myself. Didn't get a sponsor and honestly never made an effort to follow the 12 steps. The most important thing I got out of it was hearing from other people going through similar things as me and as a time replacement.

After a while, I didn't feel a need to go to the meetings. I replaced the time with other things and I tried to stay mindful about where I've come from. Thankfully I stayed sober since June of 2011 and got to a place where alcohol has no part in my daily routine.

But lately, I'm missing something. My depression has gotten worse and I feel very disconnected from others. I miss the community support, but not sure whether going back to AA is right for me. Maybe that is why I've been looking for online groups like this one. I sort of feel guilty going back to AA since I know I'm not going to use it the way its supposed to be used.

I guess my question is are there people like me? Wanting a place to go and hear people's stories but not following any steps or having a sponsor?

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Sam_Spade

...lately, I'm missing something. My depression has gotten worse and I feel very disconnected from others. I miss the community support...

I guess my question is are there people like me? Wanting a place to go and hear people's stories but not following any steps or having a sponsor?

Some people use AA in that way, and that is likely about the only place if being around people trying to stay sober is what you think might help. In my own case, however, that "something missing" turned out to be actual recovery in order for sobriety -- S.O.B.E.R. = Son Of a Buck, Everything is Real -- could actually become bearable.

[Moogieotter]

Oh, I would go to the first meeting I could find. Don't let any social anxiety keep you from what you need to stay sober. No one will judge you for doing what you need to do to stay in recovery.

The alcoholism is making you question your recovery and use of AA and making you anxious. Personally, I think the depression and worsening life situations are your alcoholism starting to creep back in. You did good to post here before it gets worse. Just go, go now, and do your best to participate without feeling anxious.

Good luck!

moogs

[Sam_Spade]

Lately the depression has kicked back up a notch and I need to do something. I'm going to a "Smart Recovery" meeting tonight. I went to some of these meetings years ago, and I'll check it out.

[notz]

Fill your time with meetings from wherever suits you. Just get with like minded people! It's important!!

[kecanoe]

There is no wrong way to stay sober. If it works for you, don't worry about what other people think about your program. And if depression is looming, better to do something now than to wait until it gets really bad.

[kecanoe]

How are you doing?

[Misssy2]

I am not like you. But when I was in AA...I knew many people like you.
I knew people 22 years sober...that didn't need AA not to drink...they liked the companionship.

Many of them also enjoyed helping the newcomers.....being sponsers themselves or just a shoulder to cry on.

I didn't just know 1 or 2 of these people...I knew tons of them because I went to tons of meetings. When they would talk..they said things like they keep coming because they need to be reminded of what it was like to either be a newcomer or be struggling on a daily basis not to drink. They talked about how they didn't struggle anymore and the things they were able to do now that they weren't able to do when they were drinking.

I think you should go back...

[redstripe787]

i love meetings

[zzzsmokeyzzz]

Be a sponsor. I have found it to be a great thing to me by helping others. When you help someone that is in trouble it makes you feel great and reinvigorates your program. Just a thought I had. Hope the best for you though!!