Confession

I've been trying to work the steps, but I feel the need to start with steps 4 and 5. It will be working with an eclisiastical leader, my Bishop of my church. I'm nervous. Scared.... What will he say? What will be done? Will it heal me? Can I then see my higher power as a just God? Many questions, so few answers.

I am on probation.... And I feel a relief that I finally am not sitting in limbo waiting for something to happen.

I see that you are worried, but maybe you can be excited too? You may have a lot of wonderful living to look forward to.

That's true. Now the question is do I tell my family? I've told two groups of people and felt love and releif after words.

Is it bad that I want to mess up with the addiction just to go through it with my sister?

At the same time, I don't want that.

Hi Puzzclar,

Do you have a sponsor? A sponsor will help you work the steps. You can still give your 4th step away to your Bishop. I think a Sponsor is key. Steps 1, 2 and 3 are very important.

I wish you recovery, one day at a time.

Suzanne

I don't have a sponsor, no one that I trust.

((((puzzclar)))) I wish you good luck.

I've learned the steps are ongoing and there not the only way. I don't know how you feel about a Higher Power but what really helped me is reading the book "why bad things happen to good people" by harry Kushner. Gave me peace about God.

This is all about awareness, acceptance and action. The steps I mean. Not to beat yourself up. We do things we normally wouldn't do while drinking or drugging and sometimes we do things were ashamed of when were straight for other reasons. PTSD, attachment disorder, depression along with all the mental disorders. So be gentle with yourself. It's not about guilt or shame. In my book God does not shame or guilt. God is pure love and forgiveness.

You don't have to have a sponsor to do the steps with in AA. There sometimes sicker then we are. When people have not healed their own wounds they will bleed onto us. Your Bishop sounds great or a therapist, someone you trust etc... The steps are not about beating yourself up. Is finding a new way to live your life. Stay away from toxic people that may shame or judge you. There out there.

How are you doing, puzzlcar?

No, don’t do it.