help =(

i'm splitting... scared.... head spinning athe top like my hea'ds a top. dont wanna be alone =( =( can't reach any of my "friends" IRL.

(((((Kiya))))) I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. If you are lonely I will stay here and talk to you or we could zoom over to the thread wars and beat them all.

thanks..... =( i am a lil better .....

((((((((((Kiya))))))))
Me and Pip will talk with you.
I hope you are feeling better

((((((((((((((((silver, Pip))))))))))))

How are you feeling Kiya?

but it is still early yet and i will have to hide SI from the mom....
((((((((silver))))))))

((((((((((Kiya))))))))) I hope you are feeling better now.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( kiya ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Just saw this. Are you okay???

in and out.... hour by hour.... ((((((((((((((((W2H)))))))))))))))))))))))

right this second??? yes. lol. you know how fast things can change.
thanks (((((((((earthmama))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

((((kiya))))

looks like things have been a scary-go-round these past few days.

i wish i had been able to be supportive when it was much harder. i had a very busy weekend for me. i actually went shopping with my two daughters and had fun...gasp..shock!!!

i have discovered some of the programming inside me said i was not supposed to have fun or enjoy anything. bit by bit this kind of thing is changing for me. i used to not know that some of my system was set up to punish me and make me feel bad all the time. i just thought i was so bad and rotten.

now i often can remember that is NOT true. i am not a bad person and i do not deserve to be punished all the time and all happy things spoiled for me.

it sounds so weird,but it was a challenge for me to have fun with my precious daughters. i feel angry toward the abusers who trained my mind - as a little girl - to think so wrongly about life and myself. they were very, very bad people.

sorry to go on so long, but when i saw you mention doing some si to yourself this weekend it made me feel sad for you and for me. i used to hurt myself from as young as age 7 or 8. i did not deserve that, nor do you.

you are a precious person like my daughters and you deserve good and kind and fun experiences and someday you will agree and be able to have them. gentle hugs, kiya

leslie and her pixies

((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((bbear, multipixies, fuzzy)))))))))))))
thanks be given for friends and warm posts.
this night be getting darker before it gets lighter.
getting to deal with body pain that is caused by dem baddies.

dear kiya,

please re-read my earlier post. i can't say anything more profound than that and my warm hugs and desire for your healing still exist in full measure.

kiya, it won't always be this tough, it will get better. Mine sure did and I'm not unusual. Big hugs!!!

awww u ok sweety i hope u gets a hold of some one u can talk to hope fully u feel better soon sorry u having crumby time

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I will sit with you and try and bring some healing light into those dark nights. Know I am here.

BB

((((((((((((((((KIYA)))))))))))))))))))))

sorry you are feeling bad
we are here with you so you not alone


safe and gentle hugsxxxx

Multipixies - i am just now reading these, and i did go back and read your earlier post like you said.... "i am not a bad person and i do not deserve to be punished " and this is a big thing for us right now.

i'm wahya - i only calld myself 10 b4. som ppl did som scarry stuff an i took it cuz tey calld me the anti-crist. i don even know what that is, but i guess it like the devil or somthin and now i keep wonderin why i so bad that they say i's that. they trid to "git the devil outta me" and the memry is realy scarry. do u think maybe i'm not a bad person too?

thanks... yeah - we're in up to our necks in this i think. i do have some ppl but it is still scary....

(((((((((((bbear))))))))))))) thanks. we's afraid of the dark.

thank you much. that is good - i get so isolated and think i'm alone. things are easier when we're not alone.

((((((((((((((((((((((((wahya)))))))))))))))))))))) You need to be held, loved and cherished; not punished. You are a wonderful person. I am sorry that they did some terrible, scary things to you. I can understand you being scared. Know I am here.

BB

wow... Bbear...that is hard for the system (especially wahya) to take in. It's ironic that people all the time say to me "Be good!" I never understand this - i'm almost always "good" and think ppl ought to tell me to be bad for once... but then, internally, we already think we are bad. it is confusing.
I know the kids struggle a lot with are they "good", are they evil, are they the devil, or monsters. What I didn't know was what that one friend's family did that wahya stepped in for. I mean, i know a lot of how mean they treated me and made me out to be bad... i don't understand how ppl can be so mean and hurtful to kids. to anybody.
I know we often won't care for injuries because we don't believe we deserve to - that somehow we're fundamentally flawed. and yet.... strong. to get thru it. we always get thru stuff. we're flawed but...

mabe only fragle things are good?

i dunno anymore