Relapse

Around this time, last year, my depression became so overwhelming that I finally broke down and contacted my Physician to try medication treatment. I began the medication, went through complete hell for the first week secondary to various medication side effects, and then eventually I started to feel... at ease. Not BETTER; just, different. Months went by and I was very active! I was almost manic in the sense that I was making crazy decisions and doing bold things that I normally wouldn't be able to do. This lasted the entire summer, and then the winter came. I stopped taking my medications and honestly, I'm not really certain why I stopped. I guess I just felt like artificial happiness did not equate to quality of life. Now, for the past several months, I'm feeling a relapse coming on. I was very large on SI in the past, and often times I think about using that as my outlet again. Last month, I even intentionally overdosed in hopes that I would go unresponsive or have a seizure in front of my significant other. I can't explain these feelings, and they occur much too often for comfort. I can feel the relapse growing stronger and closer, and I can only hope that I deactivate the fuse before the bomb detonates.

Sincerely,
Am I the only one?

you are definitely not the only one. this is a crazy messed up world in MI. i wonder if you were on the worng antidepressant if it bought you to such another extreme. maybe choosing another one. my meds create stability and entirely changed my life.

I wonder if your med is too activating for you?

Some antidepressants are more activating to your brain, some more sedating and some people react better to one vs the other. Years ago, my old pdoc had me taking more sedating antidepressants since, because of a strong family history, he was convinced I was bipolar (I'm not) and he felt the more activating meds could put me into a mania. I tried a few different ones, and they were not effective. I was more depressed both mentally and physically--one that I took was so bad that I would sleep almost literally around the clock. I dropped out of school because I physically couldn't function. We finally figured out that the more activating meds worked much better. I was switched to one of them, and it was like switching a light on.

Do you think you'd be able to describe these symptoms to your pdoc (or your provider) and ask if you could try a med which is more sedating, just at a low dose, just for a trial run?

There are a lot of different types of medication, although this kind of sounds more like seasonal affective disorder. Did they suggest light therapy?

Hello - You mentioned "SI", can I ask what that means? I don't understand why you stopped taking the meds when you were feeling good. If I ever got to that point, I would make sure I NEVER ran out of medication. I've tried every anti-depressant and anti-anxiety med and have had no relief what-so-ever. I'm praying your relapse never occurs and that you can return to the meds you were once on.