I think I know what I'll hear but I'm asking anyway...

I would say that I have finally met my soul mate... it is the depression talking... ( but of course we listen!). One of my frequent rants is " I hate my life and I wish I was dead"- even though I am not overtly suicidal. This depression just wears a body out...

thank you for writing to me. I'm sorry that you can relate to what I've written. I also have 2 cats and sometimes looking at their faces is the only thing that holds my feet on this earth.

As far as "people in my life" I have scant few and feel as though I burden them too much with my sorry state of affairs. I try not to but it is so very lonesome spending the bulk of my time by myself and/or pretending everything's hunky-dorry when inside I'm a ghost. When I get around these 2 people - TWO PEOPLE in a WHOLE LIFETIME (pathetic, pathetic)- I talk about myself and my struggles and then feel guilty about always being a "downer" around them. If for no other reason than this, I need a therapist; so I don't torture these 2 wonderful people.

Just a sliver, Dave, just a sliver is all we ask.

I hear you. I have a plan. All my papers are in order. A burial trust, living will, last will and testament. Sadly I had to leave instructions with remaining kin to destroy PC and lock box because I know she wants to get into them to pass judgment on me even in death. A lawyer has all my private passwords and account numbers that she can't see until I'm dead or incapacitated. The last time I was in a VA hospital all she could do was get angry about a cat I was caring for. She then proceeded to tell me what was wrong with me. So angry at what I say and do and how if effects HER and the family. They can say and do anything they want. So can the world. I'm the bad guy. I'm the evil one. I have a live in cat and a cat that adopted me that I allow to stay inside once in a while and I feed him. They're all I have. They have meaning. I keep something near my bed. It's the last option, the last.