[BadWolfC]

I haven't been labeled as treatment resistant. But after 15 years of treatment and 10+ different meds, I really think that I am. No amount or type of medication helps me, and I'm just exhausted from trying so many different treatments. I'm 24 years old, and I have nothing to show for it but a novel of medical records.

I have been struggling more the older I get. The past year I haven't been able to hold a job for more than a month at a time. I've gone through so many the past few years... I don't know if it's even worth trying anymore.

How am I supposed to live like this? I am so tired... I feel like I'm stuck in a loop and there's no way out. Lately I've been weighing the pros and cons of trying to apply for disability benefits, but I'm even scared of that. I feel like a failure for not being able to hold a job. I know my parents will never understand how hard things are for me, but I still live by their belief that having a good job is an essential part of being a responsible adult. I can reject that reality all I want, but I still feel guilt over it.

I just wish I could have a normal life... that's all I want. I'm so tired of being in misery.

[gayleggg]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. As someone with treatment resistant depression, I understand. I'm 64 and have been fighting this illness for 32 years. Things work for a while and then they don't. I finally filed for disability two years ago because I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt guilty at the time but as time goes by, I realize how much I needed to quit working. I've been functional for a year at a time but that's as close as I get to being well.

If you need to go on disability, go for it and don't worry about other people's opinions.

[Skeezyks]

[Fizzyo]

I have treatment resistant depression too and have finally given up the unequal and retired on health grounds. (At 45)
My husband thinks I should have done it earlier.

I really feel for that sense of guilt, I feel it too and have to challenge it all the time.

Now I'm not working, however, I have more energy for my friends and husband and have been able to support a friend in a way I couldn't have if I was working and they say it helps them get through. I am also free to do two hours a week volunteering which means I can do something useful to contribute to society without the responsibility and pressure that would make me more unwell.

I'm only saying this to try to show that worthwhile life doesn't have to end because you need to be on disability.

Best of luck as you try to find a way forward.