BBD Suffer...life is so outof control

Hello... I am new to this blog.. i am a 26 year old girl suffering horribly with this disease.. It has been bad for the past 2 years but is getting so out of control that it is hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have been in one residentail treatment center with zero luck but am in an intensive outpaietn pogram right now and it is helping a little. This disorder all began when i was 18.. i was obsessed with being perfect.. i was in every sport, on the dance team, was very popular and considered very prett. To me this created tons of pressure and was very hard to live normal because i felt constantpressure to keep this image up..

I am now 26 and have had botox injectoins to fix my wrinkles.. Then i got talked into getting juvederm under my eyes so i did, it looke great at first but the more i obssessed the more i hated it.. Then i really became obsessed.. So i was completely fixated on that and how i ruined my face.. I went to plastic surgeon after plastic surgeon and wanted it reoved.. i finally got it removed and of course i didnt like it out.. So i had to get it put back in and then once agin takin out... Its a vicious cycle.. i feel like a drug addict its like i cant stop.. I cant stop going to docs and i cant stop obsessing.. This is taking control of my whole LIFE!!!
I am in the mirror for about eight hours a day.

I am so obsessed with my appearance that i cant even function anymore.. i stare in the mirror for hours and find every flaw and then get so upset i cant even breathe.. i have completely isolated myself.. I do nothing, i dont grocery shop, barely eat, barely leave the house, i basicly just cry from disgusted about my looks. I am so ashame of myself that i dont want to be seen.. i try to have relationships but they always end...I am so scard of getting close to anyone that i run.. i will date for a few months and then i cant live the lie anymore so i take off... I also always have to be in dark place if and when i han=g out with the guys...

Can anyone relate? What can i do? I feel so lost and alone..

I am sorry you have to struggle with this issue...
if you search the forums you will see that this problem has been talked about before by a few members here on PC (me being one of them ) and you will be able to look over the information and books that were recommended for BBD.