[MissPeyPey]

So My boyfriend & I have been dating for over 5 years now,
We have a 2 yr old son gonna be 3 in Oct.
I have NEVER EVER been so jealous with a boyfriend until after i had our son,
He did cheat on me and whatever but i got over it and stuff.
Every time He looks at a girl or anything like i get insucure cause i think he'll do it again.I think i trust him it's just that the people he hangs out with sometimes i think i don't trust.! I get so mad and frustrated and i tell him that i can't control my jealous most of the time.Like that's not me..It's not who i am.I'm very happy and outgoing it's just that when i see other girls like trynna talk to him as "friends" gets me mad.I trust him i know he won't do anything wrong.
We've passed fazes that were hard on us cause what he's done.& at one time we broke up cause we argued alot,so after that we went our separate ways for about 9 months &
I was with a guy totally cool he didn't interest me & i just wanted to see if he would feel the way i felt.But he tried dating this other chick & that failed but i got super pissed i was throwing stuff and punching walls when he wouldn't answer my calls & I would get aggrivated .I don't know what to do with my jealousy anymore?

[Sunna]

Oh, how to deal with biological imperatives? It is very observant of you to realize this whole jealousy started after the birth of your child. I hear the voices of our ancient cave dwelling mothers speaking through you. You know that the newborn baby looks more like its father than its mother? (I don't know that for myself, but read that it's so) It is to make it more likely that the ancient cave-dwelling father recognizing himself in his offspring would stick around and help the baby's and its mother's survival. So, when times were tough and game scarce, and a hunter managed to kill something, he would bring the bacon to the mother of his offspring, since that was in his best genetic interest. A philandering providor though, would make the ancient mother furious, that kind of behavior could mean less chance of survival for her child. Punching the cave walls though - a tough proposition.

The later invention for improving chances of our genetic continuation is an institution of marriage. Essentially he promises that whatever bacon he earns will go toward supporting you and his child, and he gets an assurance in turn that the kids that he is working so hard for, are his.

In our modern times it gets all confused. Not married, not paying, splitting, dating others, yet still the song of ancient mothers sings through our veins.

But we, humans, are more than just our biology, aren't we? Of course, you need to think of yourself and your child's best interest, but being insecure, jealous, angry, is not it. Neither it is helping to motivate your man to stay with you, more likely the opposite.

It is a sort of vicious circle. The more you fight, the more danger the relationship is in, and the more insecure you feel, and the more jealous and angry you become. Can you see the downward spiral of it? Can you see it ultimately leads to the destruction of that which you are trying to protect?

I believe what you need to calm down the insecurity and jealousy is stability in your life. But that's not likely to happen when you are screaming at the guy and punching walls. Rather the opposite, no?

You can try some self-help on the jealousy. You know that it is not logical. Isn't he always coming back to you? Didn't he come back to you after you split? Does he love you? Does he care for his son and wants to raise him? Focus on that. Breathe. CHOOSE not to let your jealous thoughts drive you.

It is not easy, but keep reminding yourself that just because jealous and insecure thoughts occur to you, it does not mean they are true, and it does not mean you must act them out. Every time you manage to stay calm instead of giving in, is a victory. Build it, tiny victory, after tiny victory.

I hope it works. I hope it helps. Best wishes to you in your struggles.