[splitimage]

Objectively speaking I was a funny looking kid. My jaw was mishapen, instead of my palate being rounded it was triangular like a bird's beak. They eventually broke the bone and I wore a special retrainer for several years to reshape my palate into a more normal shape. My nose was also really crooked from having been broken in an accident when I was a baby. Looking back on it, I'm surprised I didn't get teased more on it than I did. I had a nose job when I was 16 to straighten my nose.

I still remember two remarks from when I was a kid. When I was really young, like maybe around 9, because it was before my Mom got sick we were visisting friends of my parents, and one of them commented that it was a good thing I was smart, since I could always be a librarian since I definitely wasn't going anywhere on my looks. All the other adults, including my parents agreed.

Then when I was about 17, my Dad and I went to a family wedding. It had been a few years since I'd seen the relatives, and when I walked in, the first thing one of my aunts exclaimed was "Thank God they finally fixed your face."

So needless to say, I've grown up with some self-image issues.

Well yesterday, I had a job interview right after day hospital, and I didn't have time to go home and change, so I had to dress for the interview in the morning. I do know how to dress well, so I was wearing a nice suit in a colour that's good on me, nice understated jewellery, and makeup. I've only started wearing make up in the last 8 months and don't like it, so I tend not to wear it unless I have to. Anyway I new I looked "better" than normal.

What surprised me was the number of people who went out of their way to tell me how great I looked. One woman even said I looked beautiful. While I've come a long enough way to accept compliments as genuine, they still feel weird, like they're talking about someone other than me - it's like I still can't believe that anyone would think I was good looking.

Does anyone else have / had trouble accepting compliments on how you look. Any suggestions on getting over it.

Thanks.

splitimage

[Sabrina]

I would cherish receiving compliments. But I don't get any. Not even from my husband. That is not meant to sound self pitying though. I am working on myself and my weight to get to that place where is might receive a compliment.

[Fresia]

I have to wonder when there is a compliment, specifically about how I look on one day, if looking really nice that day, how bad I look on the other days that that one stood out?

I do appreciate compliments but at the same time I do feel that they can be hard to take, almost not feeling worthy of them. It is a personal self-esteem issue that am learning that if I have gone to the trouble to do something nice for myself worth noting by others, graciously thanking them and also taking a moment to take it in now as I know the spirit they meant.

On the other hand. I try not to get noticed. I still squirm a bit with compliments as I don't always want to be noticed and grapple with that fact; do I dress/make-up/hair/attitude for how I am feeling, which happens to get noticed or do I try to hide for less attention. At trial, how I was dressed before and during my attack/rape was brought up even though I dressed modestly. Even though I know logically it had nothing to do with it, it still clings with me them saying that. So it feels like a catch-22, and compliments indicate being noticed so it is a mixed feeling when they occur.

[Gothicapped]

I do, I don't believe someone when they say I am beautiful or pretty. Could be cause I was picked on mercilessly by my older sister. I was a fat kid too. I have always been a sensitive person/ Only thing I can say is if u see a therapist, talk about it, get self help books, research low self esteem. Don't believe in the lies.

[LiteraryLark]

I think even most "normal" women have low self-esteem. I never thought I would ever love myself, but now I can't stop complimenting myself. Loving yourself takes practice.

[shezbut]

I am horrible at accepting compliments. I always have been, which I believe to be based upon my self-hate.

I'm looking for answers myself on how to improve self-esteem. It's a big necessity in life, really. I'll let you know any good tips that I can find.

[madisgram]

had the same feelings, split image, when i got a compliment. my T suggested i say, "what a nice thing to say." or just, "thank you". it really helped me.

[with or without you]

YES! I still can't get over it. If you ever figure it out, splitimage, let me know.

[yellowted]

I have got better at accepting compliments, I no longer go bright red or stutter for the words to say thank you. It still feels weird receiving compliments as i never really had any till recently. I have come to realise that different people see me differently and that is ok, each to their own. Those that notice when i look different tend to be those i know best so as i have learnt to trust they are not going to hurt me , i have also learned to trust when they compliment me. compliments feel good.

[Swann]

I don't mind compliments as long as they are meaningful. Anyone trying to be flirtacious and I shut off.

[notz]

I am horrible at accepting compliments. I always have been, which I believe to be based upon my self-hate. ~Shezbut

I totally relate to this and would add that I think people are trying to trick me when they give me compliments. I always ask myself, "what are they trying to get from me?" For me, that comes from sexual abuse and ridicule.

I've had people compliment me when I dress well and wear makeup. It feels like they are trying to convince me that I should always dress that way. Fat chance buffalo breath! I'll do what I have to do, but most often, I'm doing what's comfortable and possible for me if I can.

Splitimage, I can't see you, but I've been privileged to know your head and your heart and you are, indeed, beautiful - makeup or no makeup!

[Switch]

I've been complemented my whole life, and I hate it. I always turn it back on the person, say something nice about their clothing or hair or something. The one I hate the most is "your such a nice person" or "Your so sweet"... I want to cry. I never know what to say and I feel so bad if I accept it.

The flip side of this is that I'm always complementing other. If I like something, I'll tell the person. It can be awkward sometimes but I also like seeing someone smile.

I should be better at complements than I am because I've been on stage a lot, and I was good, so I was always overwhelmed with complements afterwards.

The words was I stopped thinking because I was in a rush to get out, and someone complemented me on the show, saying "you were wonderful up there" or something. I don't even remember replying, but apparently I said "Yeah, thanks, I know" and just kept walking. I have never forgiven myself for that... ever... I felt so bad when I found out I'd said that!