[Jan1212]

Please don't judge I am having terrible thoughts and nightmares for some weeks now, it's been getting worse, these thoughts are on the way of ruining my feelings for him. I do not know who to talk to right now, it's weird if I talk to him directly and it's weird if I talk to my friends / family.

I ask myself what if he is? He'll have to tell me, I'll have to ask. but he won't, he would always deny, what if he's ashamed a lot of people won't admit.

I avoid talking and thinking about this, but I can't stop wondering, I can't stop , I want to stop thinking about it. I just need to calm down I know there is way you can tell if a guy is gay, there is no radar, I keep reading, but I even took a quiz to see his likelihood. I read a story from my magazine about a married woman with kids finding out her husband is gay after all those years - she was happy about it and let another man in their relationship.

Has any women thought about this, if so, did you talk to him?

[lynn P.]

What makes you think he could be gay? I'm sorry you're struggling.

[Jan1212]

My paranoia. and "true stories' i read - I want to forget them. but I 'm also afraid of bring this up and him thinking I'm accusing him for no reason. I was wondering if there were other women who talked about this to their long-time bf /husbands. But, He didn't do anything. My paranoia is looking at any little clue, but it's going away for now thank you

[LucyG]

My sister married a guy who was probably gay, but not much into sex as he was afraid of getting a disease. After they got married, a lot of people mentioned to her that his family thought he was gay when he was younger. After being married 20+ years, he got into watching gay porn, and she threw him out. If she suspected it before then, I'll never know. I never would have.

If there aren't any clues which are making you question his sexuality then for now you need to accept that this isn't likely - maybe sit down with him and put an emphasis on how you're not questioning his behaviour you just have these obsessive thoughts which have come out of nowhere and if he could put your mind at ease you would feel a lot better. Im hoping that if he was gay he would admit to it, at least if he saw just how much not knowing was affecting you. That said, there is still, bizarrely, a lot of stigma surrounding homosexuality and he may not feel entirely comfortable 'coming out'. If you do decide to broach the subject, explain very clearly that you won't think he's abnormal or feel disgust towards him but that you want him to feel he can trust you and be comfortable in opening up. Who knows, he might be more likely to give you a truthful answer. All this said though, i think from what you've described its unlikely he's gay - so throw away those magazines, half of the stories are made up to attract more readers and they're only featured so as to shock and appeal to our morbid curiosity. Most peoples lives are nothing like what gets published in them so please try and put them out of your mind. Focus on the meantime on loving being with your partner and enjoying the relationship you have. Hope ive been helpful. All the best.

[girlwithbrownhair]

Originally Posted by Jan1212

Please don't judge I am having terrible thoughts and nightmares for some weeks now, it's been getting worse, these thoughts are on the way of ruining my feelings for him. I do not know who to talk to right now, it's weird if I talk to him directly and it's weird if I talk to my friends / family.

I ask myself what if he is? He'll have to tell me, I'll have to ask. but he won't, he would always deny, what if he's ashamed a lot of people won't admit.

I avoid talking and thinking about this, but I can't stop wondering, I can't stop , I want to stop thinking about it. I just need to calm down I know there is way you can tell if a guy is gay, there is no radar, I keep reading, but I even took a quiz to see his likelihood. I read a story from my magazine about a married woman with kids finding out her husband is gay after all those years - she was happy about it and let another man in their relationship.

Has any women thought about this, if so, did you talk to him?

I saw a tv show a bit ago on this subject, and there was a man on there who was bisexual, and this is what he said: all being bisexual (which your husband would be seeing as he married you, in all likelihood), all it means is a man is CAPABLE of falling in love with either a man or a woman. It doesn't mean he WILL, any more than a straight man would choose to cheat on his wife.

Hope this helps to put your mind at ease a little. I too, have feelings for a guy who some say could be gay. Ah, but I like him anyway, just as a person. If we ever got together I would keep the advice of that guy from the tv show close to my heart.

By the way, what's wrong with asking him?