ED

hi does anyone have a partner with erectile dysfunction? help....

Yes, for a couple of years. What sort of help???

where do you start... he wants to handle it himself doesnt want to talk about it I understand it is so difficult for men he is 60 and it has been going on for many years, much worse now, i am just not sure where to begin to help him

he has had a history of affairs and is extremely ashamed so he is on hormone replacement for some time but doesnt really help

Well first off, I can't speak about how the affairs would affect the situation as this is not something that happened in our relationship.

If he doesn't want to talk about it, that makes things much worse. My husband is not thrilled about discussing his ED, but we do talk. He takes cialis which has helped, but sometimes it hasn't worked.

When it first started happening, I told him it's not a big deal and there are other ways for him to please me, which is very true. However, I seem to have to remind him of this because he really feels bad about it. I've had to overcome a lot of my own inhibitions to show him other ways to be intimate. We are still working on it.

For me, what's most problematic is the moodiness that he has when the cialis doesn't work. I really don't care if we move on to other things (like toys), but he sometimes can't get over his 'failure' and just sits in bed and mopes. Talk about killing the mood!

He says he doesn't feel bad for himself, but feels bad for me.

Anyway, I'm not sure how much you can help your husband if he isn't willing to discuss the issue. What has happened when you try?

I'm very tired but maybe you can ask more questions and I can answer them tomorrow.

#1 thing is don't pressure him or make him feel bad about himself sexually. Try to seduce him and tell him what he does that you enjoy, but never criticize or seem disappointed. Try initiating intimacy without sex several times for each time you try to have sex. If he has ED then sex is stressful for him when he loses it, so if every time you go for hugs and kisses he has to perform that will end up making him want to hug and kiss you less to avoid possible humiliation. Vice versa if he is relaxed making out with you not worried about sex and penetration, he'll be more likely to be in a better place for sex. Most of the time it's mental, like performance anxiety I guess. If he's older might be worth a trip to the doctor, since there's also loads of medial things that could cause it. It's very common, just not discussed much. So in a nut shell, having been there and battling out, freaking out on him will only worsen the problem so you have to think smart and play smart now. If you can, and he loses his erection during sex, keep going by yourself while kissing him passionately. Guys are really turned on when women orgasm while kissing them.

** I just read the part where he has a history of affairs. I would say make sure he's not having one now. The best way to know is to literally trust your gut feeling. My gut has been right so far 100% of the time, I've been highly suspicious of every cheater from early on.