[psychmajortwenty2]

By long distance, I mean, he lives an hour away. Sometimes he gets up to see me. Sometimes he doesn't.

We're both 22 and stuck living with our parents until we can scramble up enough money to get a place together. We've finished several years of school (school is a lot of $$$) so we don't really have the money yet to do so.

I recently lost my virginity to him (Christmas eve, and it was uber romantic and I don't regret it because he is awesome! It also wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be, and yet it is.. because.. well.. I'm Catholic. I come from a super Catholic family and have Catholic friends. No one knows that I'm not a virgin yet, and I want my parents to never find out.. however.. I do find it difficult to lie to them... if anyone has tips or advice for handling that.. that would be cool too! It really is tricky.. :/). So I've basically been wanting sex all the time because.. either I have a high sex drive or this is common with virgins.. or.. I don't know.

It's just.. I don't want to get frustrated with him. Sometimes, he just can't make it up here to see me.. the weather gets bad and he can't help it.

But I get sexually frustrated because I want to have sex with him... and so.. it may come out as frustration with him even though it's the lack of sex that I'm frustrated with.

So.. how do you guys learn how to cool it without taking it out on your partner when you really want sex but they're unable to give it to you?? (don't just say masturbate! It's not the same.. but.. I do understand it's worth lol)

[benzenering]

Two words...sex toys.

[krisakira]

I don't know. When you find out, please let me know. My husband has a very low sex drive and we are not long distance but live together, and he will only have sex maybe once a month. It frustrates the hell out of me yet i cannot do anything about it. I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. It is so frustrating but I try to masturbate and think of him, or watch TV to get my mind off of it, or some other activity. But in the end, I am void of what I really wanted. We have gotten into arguments about it. But in the end all I can do is stop trying to initiate and just wait for it to happen some day...

[psychmajortwenty2]

Originally Posted by krisakira

I don't know. When you find out, please let me know. My husband has a very low sex drive and we are not long distance but live together, and he will only have sex maybe once a month. It frustrates the hell out of me yet i cannot do anything about it. I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. It is so frustrating but I try to masturbate and think of him, or watch TV to get my mind off of it, or some other activity. But in the end, I am void of what I really wanted. We have gotten into arguments about it. But in the end all I can do is stop trying to initiate and just wait for it to happen some day...

Have you suggested viagra? Or would he not be willing to do that because he just doesn't like sex?

Does he know how upset you've gotten about it? How important it is to you that he's not sharing himself in that way?

[usehername]

My guy and I sext a lot. Not only does it help a great deal, but I find it helps us feel closer emotionally too since we are able to satisfy each other using only our minds.

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[SeekerOfLife]

Krisakira, I went through exactly the same thing! I am divorced now, but when I was married, and especially when I was in my 30s, my hormones cried out very loud to be intimate with him. Your story could be mine. It did not happen unless he wanted it to. The longest we went without it was a whole year. I cried myself to sleep many nights. Finally, I left. I was weary of always being last on his list. (Things are better now. Self-care is my theme.)

[hamster-bamster]

When you do move in with him, will you still maintain to your parents that you are a virgin? Or will you have married him by then? Also, given your student loans, do you have a timeline? I would determine the timeline and decide whether it is realistic to continue feeding the family your I'm still a virgin line. If it is not realistic, then you should repost asking how to break the news to Catholic parents. I am sure many people have been there done that.

[bipolarbearinthere]

My significant other lives 1600 miles away and we've been together for almost 2 years. He's a musician so since we met it was always a couple months together in the same state and then long distance for a few months while he tours. Now he lives in OUR house over in NC (his hometown) while I'm hanging out with the folks in CO (my hometown) temporarily while I seek support/help for my bipolar.

It's hard when you are apart from your special someone.
But trust me, you will find ways to keep the sexual flames going.

[gnat]

My sex drive (when I'm not depressed to the point of SI) is stronger than my husbands. I do have a favorite toy which helps deal with the physical need, although the psychological need is harder. It's hard to be rejected (in my case my husband is here with me turning me down) and I miss the closeness with another person.

As far as telling other people- it's none of their business unless you want it to be. Do your parents tell you when they have sex? I hope not. They certainly don't need to hear if you do. I'm married and have three children, but I still never told my parents i have sex, not because I am ashamed or it's wrong, but because I don't feel it's their business. With you, you're an adult and can make adult decisions, don't worry about what your parents think.

Admittedly I was horrified when my sister found my birth control pills and told my mom. It was dumb to be embarrassed though. I found out that despite all mom's judgments she made about people who had premarital sex, she was pregnant with me when she got married and she wasn't 100% sure the man she married was even my father. I would doubt your parents were virgins when they got married.

[Purpletulip26]

My boyfriend & I are 500 miles part. I fly to him once a month for a 3 day visit & honestly, we spend 90% of that time in bed. It's very hard being long distance when you have urges. The best part is knowing it won't be forever.

Use toys, sext each other, & if you have enough privacy, Skype or FaceTime with him. My bf & I use FaceTime a lot at night before going to sleep. It really does make the situation easier.