Having a hard time making female friends, can anyone relate?

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That's great that you're willing to be friends with people who are so much older than you. Have you ever tried meetup? It's free to join. I think that I did talk to you about that once. What about taking some classes at a community college just for fun?

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Sorry to hear about your situation- As for those women who claim to be your "friends". Wow, that is so rude that they'd have the nerve to even post up pics of their parties after they straight up lied to you about being to "sick" to go out. I no longer put up with nonsense like that either. If they call, then great, if not, oh well. It was obvious that they can't be honest, real, or direct, and those are not qualities that I seek out in a friend.

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There are some women out there who don't like to talk about or do girly things that much. Personally, I stuff like shopping, make-up, talking about guys, etc...As for those women who go on and on about their kids, they bore me too. Also, it seems like most of them would much rather be friends with other moms.

I'm sorry to hear about your past abuse- I sort of know what that's like I was mentally and emotionally abused by my family and my peers growing up. It didn't help matters that I was bullied by a few of the popular girls in school and that some of my so called former friends became these bullies.

Guys can be good friends, but I can't trust most guys intentions most of the time. I used to feel the same away about not being able to trust most people, especially most women, but not all women will end up stabbing you in the back or betraying you in some other way. Once I started to give other women a chance as individuals, I ended up finding good friends. Of course, there are some awful women out there who are competitive, jealous, and two-faced, but then again, there are some genuinely real and caring women out there as well!

I used to be able to make friends all the time then it all changed when I was a kid. I made one friend this year who is 5 yrs younger than me and married. The problem I have is I am 28 where most people in the mid 20s to early 30s are having families something I am not too thrilled/interested about. Will finish this later gotta go...

I was told by people that they couldn't be friends with me because "I didn't come from a good home," so I get punished by people who can't stand those who come from broken homes? I was told I come across as not approachable it's a people trust issue and still fighting with myself to be more open using more eye contact. I used to be approachable long ago then being abused at home made me into a turtle!

The problem I have is why do I have to be friends with women who have all of these kids? I don't mind if they're married with no kids, but I'd feel like a 3rd wheel - sounding like a guy but I am a woman! It's harder to meet people who have children wouldn't mind if their kids are grown but want friends in my age group too.

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Wow, talk about no tact! Who are these people and how old are they? I'd never want to be friends with people who are that dismissive and judgemental! It sounds as if they didn't even try to get to know you! To hell with people like that! It's better to be alone, trust me on that! I used to have friends that made me feel as if I didn't really matter to them which made me feel really depressed and unlovable at times!

I used to be like somewhat like you when I was around your age. I'm 42 now. Sorry to hear about what you've been through- I hope that you're doing better now! No matter how hard I try to be more confident, it doesn't take much for that to all go away once I end up getting treated badly or ignored to often. Remember though that it's not always about you. Some people are just rude, shallow, insensitive, fake, etc...

It took me YEARS to finally realize how to spot and avoid toxic people! Reading a lot and doing research helped me quite a bit as well as having to learn about a lot of things the hard way! As for the women with kids, it seems to me that most of them only want to associate with other moms.

I do have one friend with two adult kids, but she works a lot, and she has a b.f, so I don't get to see her as often as I'd like to. I understand that she's busy though. The worst is when a single friend meets a new guy and starts obsessing over him so much that they forget about me and just about everyone else it seems like! It sure doesn't get any easier as you get older-

@Ladytiger, have you tried joining meetup.com? It's free to join. There are tons of social groups on there. A lot are for women only. I met all of my current friends on there.

I've tried Meetup and haven't had too much luck in the past, but I think I am going to try again. Two of my largest Meetup groups just got taken over by new people and there has been a huge spike in activity.

I'm just not sure at this point where other people in their 30s are hanging out. I suspect most of them are hanging out at home, taking care of their families, or busy with their careers.

Yea, I have used meetup.com before made a friend and never heard back from her. I haven't been to any meetups in a long time. It seems like being abused is like an arrow pointing directly at me saying don't be friends with a broken person coming from a broken home. When I was a kid, I had this amazing ability to make friends easily and that changed when we moved to the point I was sheltered in the house not allowed to have friends.

It seems I still have some problems today at my age as I seem to speak to people and back off comes from a trust issue.

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So sorry to hear that! A lot of people can't be trusted 100%. If I were you, don't tell anyone that much about your past or that you came from a broken home. Don't even mention taking any meds or any issues that are personal at first. Keep things light at first.

I find that once you talk about anything that sounds even remotely "negative" to another person, they tend to head for the hills. Of course, they expect you to listen when THEY have problems. It's so hypocritical and lame that they tend to be "busy" when you're having issues, ugh! Who needs "friends" like that?

I feel the same way at times. Almost everytime I think that I can trust someone, they end up proving me wrong almost every time. Trust needs to be earned and you need to be very, very careful in who you end up trusting. Trust takes time to develop. One thing that helps is watching if people's actions match their words. Good luck with everything.

Oh wow, it is interesting you bring up the 'negative' stuff, because I was thinking about that earlier this week. I am trying to stop myself from saying *anything* negative when I meet people for the first time. It really does turn people off, even if it's just a complaint about the weather.

I had a weird interaction with someone else that reminded me how important this is. I was talking to this woman I had just met. She mentioned that her husband was ill and in the hospital. I told her I was sorry, but I didn't really know what to say beyond that - I don't want to ask for details or ask what he has, because maybe she doesn't want to talk about it.

Right after that, she starts talking about how a certain kind of flower always makes her think of the time she was in Germany when her daughter was sick. I can't remember exactly how she phrased it, but the impression I got was that her daughter had actually passed away. Again, she was kind of vague and I didn't want to pry.

So I am probably not going to approach her again for a chat. The conversation made me uncomfortable. She also never showed any interest in my life. I agree that it is best to keep things light and personal at first, save the heavy stuff for after you get to know people.

I agree that growing up in a screwed up home can really negatively effect how we make friends later on. I have a hard time figuring out what's acceptable behavior from a friend and what isn't.

I have notice that if you join anything the people there are always friends and it's hard to be the new person . I was never into the "click " group I don't like someone telling me who I can be friends with so I cut that off back in middle school and because I did that I have forever been outcasted .
U do the right thing and get bad results ..

I have no luck in keeping friends I can meet them but to keep them that's another story

I was told at the women's center to share only info that you think people should know and what they don't know won't hurt them. I was like true, what they don't know won't kill/hurt them and why does it matter about my family? I am almost 29 yrs old, why are people still asking me about "the sperm donor and breeder" whom we share the same DNA?? I still live with them since I still can't afford it to have my own place yet which is embarrassing.

I used to tell people I am an orphan might as well never had a loving home. I had these questions like were you ever in foster care? Someone had to raise you just because you live in a situation doesn't mean you are being properly taken care of! I am still working on that and not sure what to tell people when they ask me who am I living with. I said one time roommates and they said so how are you paying rent? This was before getting a job and I don't pay rent now.

I am not sure how to explain my living situation to people without including the breeder and sperm donor. Here's the best part: my ex-therapist was irate when I said this to her in person and she said "that is not healthy because you are "taking away your identity from your parents" by telling people they don't exist. How can you be close to people when you can't tell them anything about ur family?" First off, I was irate when she said this and cut her short real quick! I told her "every conversation about "them" coming up resulted in people not wanting to talk to me; they asked me to tell them about them and I did it ended up resulting in a very negative, dark, but true story about me and my siblings. who wants to hear a dark, gloomy life story? I never had an identity growing up anyway, that was taken away from me long ago. A lot of people out there would rather hear the fictional white picket fence, fake *** dollhouse illustrated type of family. However, they are good, loving families but no perfect family and no family isn't like Bewitched or Leave It To Beaver! In life when making friends/meeting people, you gotta be careful what you ask about them it could be something horrific, traumatic, etc if they don't wanna talk about it then you shouldn't be pissed off because they won't talk about it. Now, maybe one day they will tell you if the friendship progresses or may be not but at least respect the person. You can always ask them about other things about them doesn't always have to be about their families. I prefer if people don't ask, I got siblings I can talk about not the breeder and sperm donor."

After that, that ex-therapist stfu! She told me 'you got the nerve to dictate to people about what they should ask you,' again cut her off. Told her what I said above 'not everybody is open about themselves as I am not open nor comfortable in speaking about myself.' Then she said 'people find you mysterious as you know more about them than they know about,' that part is true. It's like I told her and other people if listening to someone's dark past is a problem, don't ask! Nobody wants to hear about abused/broken families, then there is no need to give a person any info about it in the first place!

I agree with hvert. I have been in a lot of uncomfortable conversations with people not knowing what to say. Most of them have them unpleasant and negative it was like talking to my parents all over again; even in happy conversations I don't know what to say I was hardly ever in a happy conversation in my life it's was/like foreign to me. I don't seem to know what is acceptable towards a friend and what isn't since boundaries never existed in my life as mine have always been violated being told I have zero rights to ask for privacy etc.

I had friends that didn't last long all because they exhibit behaviors of my parents and some of them were broken too which I tried to help them and it didn't last. I was blamed for everything and said hell no, I don't want friends like these anymore. I want new friends which i made one at the moment. Idk, my inner child still seems to be holding me back. i remembered when I was a kid how I was so outgoing, always smiling, had really good speech/communication, etc now my speech slurs/stutters makes it look like i don't know how to speak. It's like something about me just gives off something different to people like they don't wanna approach me. I used to walk around with my head down still do once in a while not always.

I had friends who made me end other friendships due to not liking the other person(s) in order to retain my current friendships with the haters. Now, I would prefer if they didn't have to hang out nor see each other I shouldn't have to take sides.

If people are asking about people with whom you share DNA, could you just say that you don't want to talk about it? The danger in saying that you are an orphan or the breeder line is it prompts more questions -- but 'sorry, I don't want to talk about that' usually shuts people up.

I have found that my desire to be private does limit relationships, to an extent. It means that I become friends with people who like to talk about themselves, which gets really old after a while. It does suck when your bad situation growing up carries into friendships as an adult Someday I'll figure out where boundaries should be! I hope you have good luck with that as well

I remember I did tell someone 'sorry, that is not a subject I want to talk about.' This guy got upset saying 'everybody loves to talk about their families, never met anyone who didn't.' I said 'I don't feel like talking about bad history.' Yep, he got quiet for a bit and didn't wanna talk to me after that.

Another woman got upset with me on the same thing and I said it is just not a subject that I want to talk. We both kinda got at it and it ended the conversation bad she got the nerve to say I should be grateful for having parents and I said to myself, *****, you don't know what you're talking about try getting some backed up facts before you say ****! So yea, when I told people calmly that it isn't a subject that I wanna talk about I got rejection and bad attitude. She also said how could people get to know if I don't talk about my family? I said people can get to know me in other ways, why does the family question always gotta come up? With me, I am very careful when I ask about people's families because you never know if there was abuse, if they are on good terms with family or not, they could be the last descendant in the family, adopted, lived in the streets where family didn't bother to help them, etc.

She sounded like my recent ex-therapist who *****ed just like this lady I met. My life isn't revolved around my parents I thought people said I am an adult yet they are still placing me back into child mode which is it?!? I was trying to use boundaries and it back fired on me like I said these people had such a negative attitude towards me and spoke ill of me because I couldn't handle answering questions about my family. Look, there is nothing to say about them. My family is my bf (hopefully), sister, brother, and nieces that's it!

My "parents" are just strangers that I am living with. Yea, that is very tricky when people ask about family. U can ask me other things about me, but parents is off subject. A lot of people have gotten irate when I said that. I like when people talk about themselves it gets old especially when they go on and on about their families; yep definitely gets old tired of hearing. Yep, better childhood than me but why do I have to keep listening to it?

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Yeah, a lot of people don't like to hear about anything negative most of the time. Even after getting to know someone, you still have to be careful about complaining to much to often. It sucks that some people think that it's OK to talk about their own problems all the time and think nothing of it. Once you start to talk about your problems though, then they act like you're the one who's a drag, ugh!

Maybe you're right about what you said in your last paragraph. Since we never really knew what healthy relationships were supposed to be like, we ended up being confused about knowing what's appropriate and what's not. Sometimes it takes years to learn those things on your own. Sorry for the slow response. I just wish that I had more people to talk to who don't mind listening to me when I'm down instead of trying to avoid me or change the topic back to themselves, ugh! It's like, give me a break, do you really expect me to be all smiley and happy all the time? I also don't get why some people have the constant need to pretend to be happy even when they're not.

Yeah, the people who pretend to be happy when they aren't kind of make me uncomfortable-- but at the same time, I envy them. I am thinking of one person I know who does this -- it was a coworker and we did not get along at all. She used to drive me crazy, always pretending to be happy. It was obvious that she was just trying to convince herself.

In hindsight, I think she had the right idea. I find myself wanting to do that, to change the negative thought stream that is constantly in my mind.

Self-absorbed people are the worst. I always seem to be stuck with them, too. I think that it is in part because I tend to be negative myself. I've found that I really don't want to complain to people about my problems anymore in person -- it seems to drive away the 'normal' people and just leave me surrounded with other people that are complainers. It's like if you complain to someone once, you are pegged as a negative nancy and they feel free to unburden themselves to you forevermore.

I agree with your cat signature line, lol I hope you can find some other people to talk with. It's really hard!

I can relate. I'm 40 and have only rarely had close female friends. Mainly in college, which was a long time ago. Women just seem more interested in their home lives than in friendships outside the home. Their husbands become their main friends.

I'm separated (for the past five years) but in a relationship and have two kids. If I want to go do something with someone other than my boyfriend, it's always one of the kids. There just isn't anyone else.

All my therapists have told me that I need close female friends, but for the life of me I don't know where to find them!

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"Women just seem more interested in their home lives than in friendships outside the home. Their husbands become their main friends."

Agreed. I have seen that, although, he his her primary but a woman does need friendships besides her hubby. I need close female friends, close friendships all take time. I am 28 with no kids most people either in my age group and seen younger women with children - why do I have to settle for friends with kids? I didn't grow up with a lot of kids. If you got grown kids, not a problem for me. I want new friends don't care if they are married or not I am just very different, think like a man I just don't want the white picket fence lifestyle. My ex-therapist said that's selfish of me coming from a mom herself and told her how can I make friends who are like me?

I'm the same too. The school gates are anxious periods for me because I'm usually on my own looking like a wet rag. I don't know why the other women join in and gossip with each other, to others I'm certain were new people in the area. They never chit chat with me and don't seem interested in talking to me.

The last time I had any female friends was at school.

I can relate! But in my case as well as being introverted, I am also on the autistic spectrum; it's called Asperger's. I am also finding that it is harder to be friends with other women because they can be catty, cruel and excluding if they sense there is something different or offbeat about you. I have had friends but these friendships don't last. Either the person becomes engulfing, or I manage to annoy them or violate some hidden protocol in some way. I have just about given up on having women friends. Also being disabled limits my ability to go out and try to make friends. So yes, I can relate.

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I wish that I could fake being happy, but I'm horrible at acting! lol! Yeah, self absorbed people suck! I try not to complain to much. The funny thing is when people complain about their problems, it's fine, but sometimes when I talk about my problems, some people think that I'm being negative. It sucks! The worst is when some people will use you as a sounding board, but then be MIA most of the time when you need them.

Cats are better than most people, lol! I hope that you had a nice Thanksgiving!

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It does seem like a lot of women either already have all the female friends that they want or need by now, or they would rather just spend most of their time with their b.f, husband, or family. Sorry to hear about your separation.

Finding sincere female friends who you can trust to not be two faced, fake, gossipy, reliable, and caring can be tough to find at times. There are to many women out there who will ditch their friends for a guy according to my own personal experience. Have you tried going to a women's meetup group? It's free to join. I've met three female friends there. One is my best friend, the other a good friend, and the other is a former friend who I'll start a thread about soon. She really ruined my Thanksgiving. Ugh!

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I'm married w/o any kids either. It seems like most women who have kids seem to only want to befriend other women with kids. I'm open to friendships with women with kids, but they never seem to have the time or interest in becomin friends with me most of the time.

Your ex-therapist is an idiot. Not wanting to have kids does not make you a selfish person at all. It's your life, your body, and your choice after all, and no one else's.

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School and work was like prison to me. I'm so glad that those days are over with! I've always had a hard time making friends and relating to other women too. I think that a lot of younger women face a great deal of pressure to conform, so they end up copying their peers to fit in. Guys do this too, but it's not quite as bad. Ever notice how some group of girls even dress alike? lol!

Have you tried talking to other women who seem like they could use a friend too? What about joining some clubs at school? Sometimes you have to go up to people instead of waiting for someone to come up and talk to you. It's possible that people might think that you don't want to talk to them depending on your body language. Maybe you could try making small talk with someone and complimenting them on their outfit or something like that? It's worth a try.