Having a hard time making female friends, can anyone relate?

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Wow, you nailed what I have felt for a long time perfectly! I agree, a lot of women can be like that! Especially in groups! It's even harder to make friends when you're introverted and shy with social anxiety and depression! I know what Asperger's is. Sometimes I feel like I have it although I probably don't. I'm just a bit socially awkward.

I often feel like most women don't even try to get to know me since I'm different too. I hate it when other women get annoyed at you and not tell you what the problem is. Why not just speak up instead of giving you the silent treatment or flat out stop talking to whoever "offended" them in some way? I'd give up too if I didn't need more friends. It sucks hardly having any friends!

I'm in therapy and told my T that I wasn't seeking more friendship or emotional closeness. She was alarmed and tries encouraging me to seek people out. But honestly one lunch or dinner date a week is plenty, not needing more.

I find women around my middle-age and younger are Stuck up or overly invested in hubby and children. I don't respect them. I can be blunt or sarcastic and that makes some women uncomfortable.

I would make friends with men more easily if I were married but that's not happening. Gay men friends have been good. All this is to say it is NOT EASY making friends with women. They often use their so-called friends as a crutch for their insecurity when husband or kids are away. It's frankly insulting and shows lack of self respect.

This is a great thread!

Wow, I never thought about it that way, but I feel like a lot of my friendships have had the same result-- the engulfing vs. violating a hidden protocol. Sometimes it seems like that happens with the same individual. Like I have a friend who just wants way too much contact, and when I start to pull back a bit, my friend cuts me off almost entirely. It's like all or nothing with so many people.

Hi, I was reading through this thread because I have been struggling with women friendships. It seems like it is very difficult to have close women friends. I really appreciate what you all have had to say. When you ladies say you are shy, does that mean you hardly talk when in a group? Or you do talk, but it is difficult for you?

I think in some cases, it might be that an introvert and an extrovert try to be friends, but when the introvert needs the inevitable down time, the extrovert takes offense, which is really not fair!

I agree -- and I have, in the past, had the really bad tendency of making up for my inclination to be quiet by attaching myself to extreme talkers. I've been practicing being more talkative myself, which is helping screen out those people.

It seems like this stuff hits in waves for me - I have some friends and then all of a sudden I'm not close to any of them anymore - maybe because they moved or I got a new job or whatever.

My most recent friendship was one that I had to give up. She honestly did not seem to get it when I would request down time after hanging out with her, and thought it was perfectly acceptable after hanging on the phone for an hour to suggest coming over! Or vice versa. When I met my future husband, she became downright annoying, whining about how I didn't seem to have time for her anymore because I was dating. I finally got tired of the high maintenance act and ended the friendship. I felt badly but she really gave me no other choice. If she would have been patient, I would have eventually sought her out again, but she made herself unbearable.

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Did you ever let your friends know that you need some personal space and it's not about them personally? Without direct communication, misunderstandings will eventually occur. If you're not sure if your friends understand this, then I'd definitely speak up! Sometimes some people just naturally assume that other people will understand what they want or need which is not always the case.

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I find that most females in general don't really value their female friendships. It seems like there is very little in the way of loyalty with other females. To many women tend to ditch their friends once they get a b.f. I don't expect anyone to chose their b.f over me, but to ditch their friends completely and ignore them once they're in a relationship is ridiculous and pathetic!

As for your question, I'm a lot shier in groups. I just hate having to compete with people for attention. The people in the group are always louder and more talkative. There is always one or two people who dominate the conversation. I don't like interupting people or trying to talk over them, so I don't. I just become invisible. I have never been good at talking to multiple people at once. It's annoying and exhausting! I'm much better with people one on one!

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Sorry to hear that. At least you told her how you felt. She obviously didn't respect your boundaries. I had a similar situation happen with me to where this woman would text me to early in the day and would bombard me with texts if I didn't answer her back right away.

I had to let her go since I told her not to text me so early or at all as I hate texting, but she didn't listen, so I let her go. And then she had the nerve to call me rude and selfish, OK, whatever! This was coming from a woman who'd talk non-stop about herself and her problems, ugh!

Maybe that's why one of my friendships just ended. Maybe she thought I was expecting her to spend more time with me then she wanted to? If so, she should've made that much more clear.

I did give this woman plenty of space, but to make a long story short, she really hurt me badly by making a promise to watch my cats when I was visiting family over Thanksgiving and then she never bothered to call me back or email me.

Needless to say, I'm done with her no matter what. I told her that on her v.m. She was to full of herself, to selfish, and very incosiderate. Did you give your friend a fair warning before ending your friendship? Sometimes you need to remind peolpe of your boundaries and need for personal space.

Good point - I probably haven't been direct enough about it in the past. Instead, I just get annoyed that they can't read my mind

I have had conversations where I've told people that I need to work from home and not go out so much in the middle of the day. I have had mixed results with that.

Sorry to hear that your friend treated you like that. Letting you down about your cats? That would have made me quit that friendship, for sure! And yes, I did tell my ex friend many times, that I needed lots of down time after socializing. Because of my physical limitations, I would get exhausted and need to rest for a couple of days before being social again. She chose to ignore that and continue to pressure me to hang out with her. Her teen aged daughter even urged her to let me alone so that I could adjust to my wonderful new romance. I mean, I can be pretty clueless about certain social constructs, but she really amazed me when she seemed to be wanting me to put my new boyfriend off, in order to hang out with her. And when I did make special time for her, she would complain that I seemed different, and repeatedly ask if I was mad at her! It was as if she resented me for being in love.

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Thanks. It's very important to be direct but in a nice way with people as to many misunderstandings can occur when you rely on hints alone. Just tell people that you can't get out that much in the middle of the day and then arrange to meet them at a better time when you'll both be free to get together with them.

Without communicating how you feel directly, some people can assume the worst about a situation and that usually causes resent to build up over time. Sometimes people can assume that you're upset with them when you're not if you don't speak up. I'm a lot more direct than I used to be, but sadly, most women in general aren't when it comes to communicating with other women which I don't get at all.

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Thanks. I just wish I could figure out why she'd do such a cruel thing to me for no apparent reason at all. There is NO way in hell that I'd ever talk to her again! The only exception would be IF she was involved in an accident and is still in the hospital. I doubt that is the case though.

I just have a bad feeling in my gut that she did this to spite me and push me away for good. She talked about moving in the next 5 years and I'm sure that she would've made zero effort to keep in touch with me as she has not initiated any get togethers since she met her current b.f, ugh!

As for your friend, wow, she sure is pushy! It sounds like she doesn't really have any one else to hang out with! Can you introduce her to other friends or suggest that she go to some meetup.com groups? She sounds like a very needy and clingy person. Keep on establishing firm boundaries with her and let her know that you need some space for now.

Maybe she has issue with friends leaving her once they get a b.f. Let her know that you still value her as a friend and maybe meet her for a quick coffee once in awhile if you're up for it. Don't let her make you feel guilty about anything. Some people just have a poor sense of boundaries.

I think that this former friend was jealous of me deep down inside. I recently managed to loose 30lbs. while she is still heavy. She's about 50lbs. heavier than I am and older too. Also, her b.f doesn't make much money, and she's always been worried about money and loosing her job. She probably resents the fact that I don't have to work for a living and that I have a husband who can support us both. I also don't have any kids. As for her, she partied to hard when she was young and ended up with two drug addicts who both cheated on her. She had to raise two kids on her own while working two jobs.

She missed out on her youth due to making poor life decisions. She should not resent me for having a better life. She always seemed nice when we were together, but maybe deep down inside she was resentful of me. Also, she is definitely the kind of woman who is overly obsessive with men. She's the kind of woman that probably ditches all of her friends once they get a b.f, ugh! Friends shouldn't be jealous of each other. They should be happy for each other!

Well, as I said before, she is now officially an ex friend. We actually met at a meet up! She told the entire group that the only reason she was there was because her then teenaged daughter had strongly encouraged her to get out and meet people. Then, after we had met and made friends, she quit going to meet ups, saying that now that she had made a friend she didn't need to go. I encouraged her to keep going anyway but she seemed to always manage to get into a quarrel with someone there. Believe me, I really tried hard to keep the friendship going but her poor boundaries, her low self esteem, her needing constant reassurance that I was still her friend while I was dating my boyfriend made her high maintenance. And I suspect that deep inside she was jealous and trying to sabotage my new relationship. Suffice it to say she became someone whose company I could no longer enjoy. to reply to your comment below, I even tried meeting her for lunch once a month but she kept harping on how we hardly spent time together anymore, how different I was, blah blah.

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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Maybe she has issue with friends leaving her once they get a b.f. Let her know that you still value her as a friend and maybe meet her for a quick coffee once in awhile if you're up for it. Don't let her make you feel guilty about anything. Some people just have a poor sense of boundaries.

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I've been way to stressed out and depressed lately, so I've been more scatter brained than usual! Wow, you really tried to be a patient and good friend to her! She has some issues!

I've never heard or met anyone that has ever been that unpleasant and argumentative with other people from a meetup other than one rude organizer who got mad at everyone for not having enough money to pay the bill for the group.

I confronted her about her rude behavior and she got defensive at first, but then she was never rude to me or anyone else whenever I was there that I noticed, lol! You're better off w/o a friend like that in your life. Selfish jealous people suck!

That's OK, shy! It actually got to be quite amusing at times; once we were at a meet up together, and she managed to get into an argument with a guy there over something silly about the board games we had been playing. I even asked her how important it was to get upset over a silly board game but she continued to act huffy. She also managed to get into a disagreement with a tailor that she had taken a dress to for her daughter's senior prom. And she got into a quarrel with a vendor at a festival. I never could see it coming, and was always surprised at how quickly she could get into these arguments with people that she would probably never see again. She also embarrassed me when we went places together. Sigh.

And sorry about the bold typing in my prior post. I don't know what I did to make it come out so dark!

----------------------------------------------------------------- lol! At least you got a few laughs out of her! She sounds like Adam Sandler's character kind of from Anger Management, lol! I could never be friends with someone that hot tempered! I like for my friends to be easy going! I get stressed out and anxious enough sometimes, so I don't need the additional stress when dealing with friends! I'm usually OK until someone tries to provoke me intentionally though! I don't just blow up like that! Wow, you sure were a really patient friend for awhile!

yes, women often don't like me

This has always puzzled me

Do you find that you get along with men better? Sometimes that is the case for women who have a hard time getting along with women. I find that I would like to have men for friends, but they always think I am flirting with them when I'm not, so it makes things awkward.

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Great pic! I feel as if other women don't really hate me, but they don't really like me that much either. It's so frustrating. I'd be your friend in real life if we lived close by each other! You sound like a nice and cool person, so maybe it's them who's the problem and not you.

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Sometimes, but most of the time I can't be close to most of them since most of them just want sex, ugh! They make it obvious too! A couple of good male friends in the past who I always had fun hanging out with just wouldn't take no for an answer, so I had to end our friendship with them. I understand where you're coming from. I don't want to give them the wrong idea either!

I am shy and introverted too. I love your signature about Cats. I have two. I only have two female friends. One lives far away. The other just moved to the area I live but is busy getting on her feet and has another best friend whom she is living with so I don't see her much. I feel it's hard to related to women my age (39). I have one child with special needs (19) and a boyfriend. No other women friends. I get lonely at times. Feel free to PM me anytime guys.